Stay this Way

                                                                   

                                                                     "Stay This Way"

Are you right in a place where you don't want to be?
Got your heart in the hands of an enemy?
I promise you,
I've been there, I've been there, too.

Have you tried but you failed to begin again?
And you feel like a slave to the cycle you are in?
I've been there, I've been there too

Listen to the words I say
You don't have to stay this way

Just because you're broken
Doesn't mean you're hopeless
Go ahead and turn the page
Don't be afraid of better days
Put the past behind you
Grace has redefined you
You don't have to stay this way

You can stand with your head held high my friend
'Cause the God of creation has made you innocent
I promise, I promise, that you are new

Good Morning friends,

I heard this song today By Jason Castro.

I have been thinking a lot about wether or not my disease defines who I am.

It says how I feel but, is it who I AM?

And what if I let it define me and I get better?

I believe in healing and miracles, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God can heal me,

It isn't a matter of faith.

It is a matter of when. God maybe doesn't cause illness. I am not enough of a theologian to understand all that, but I do know He loves us too much to hurt us. So even though I don't believe He hurts us, I believe He allows those things to happen to teach us or cause a response. In my case God had been saying  "Sit down and listen". I don't listen to well. He literally had to make me so sick I couldn't do anything.

So here I sit. Listening to God. I have a way of giving God ultimatums. Like if you want me off caffine you are going to have to come down from Heaven and rip it out of my hands. WELL, you should NEVER do that to God. Im now allergic to chocolate, and cannot even eat a chocolate chip. Or if you want me to sit down and rest your going to have to... . You would think by now I would not do that anymore, well...

reguardless, what I believe I am trying to say is that No situation is perfect, or permanent. God knows what He is doing, and Change is NOT failure. Somehow you need to say "ENOUGH, I WILL NOT BE LIKE THIS ANYMORE".  If you don't like how the story ends, change the story. I will not be sick like this forever. I will not be debilitated forever. I WILL go into remission and be my self again. 

THIS DISEASE IS NOT WHO I AM!!!

Life is to short to allow something, anything to define who you are.

Other than God.

But I believe that the choises we make are not permanent.

They may change our situation but not who "WE ARE".

I may have to sit and sleep in this stupidly amazing chair, and it may hurt to take a step. 

This is NOT where I will be forever. someday I will move and work like im used too.

We are new every morning. 

We are blessed beyond measure.

Stop whining Sue and change. (thats me talking to me)

Do one thing today, even if it is small, because that is all I can do.

But I will make that happen no matter how small it is.

Life is to short, the final chapeter is not written.

SO whatever your going through, physical, mental or spiritual, 

"This to shall pass."

SO put your big girl pnties on, rain boots and grab a snack cause this ride just go a whole lot funnier, and we will overcome this day and we will PREVAIL.

Be blessed today

Always 

Suszi

Treasured trash

Good morning friends,

I have my mind on reusing the old to make new.

Maybe cause I am a picker and love junk.

I love taking something ugly or unwanted and making it lovely.

So many people come to my house and say wow I never would have thought of doing that.

Trash into treasure.

Isn't that what God does to us?

We are essentially garbage, full of sin and pain. Worth nothing to so many.

To God though, we are a priceless treasure. 

He looks to that old patina, cracked paint and split wood to see the treasure beneath.

Sometimes that age and wear and tear are what make it valuable.

How often do we look past something that is "ugly" so quickly.

If it was shiny and beautiful you would say "Oh, that is stunning" but,crusty and worn it doesn't have a WOW factor, so we deem it less valuable.

Is that really how God sees us? or does He even see the exterior? I really think He just looks at the heart. 

Kinda like an inferred map, it shows where people are by body heat. I think God kinda sees us that way, as more of colors that show how "Hot" we are and less about our appearance.

I think many times we don't even have to "tell" people you love Jesus, but if your heart is so in love with Him and your life shows it you don't even have to "witness" I think that your life speaks loud and clear.

I have had people say "sorry" I acted that way to me, and I had never said anything to them.

When I was little I had a shirt that said "God don't make junk".

That was probably a premonition of things to come. 

No matter what we think of ourselves, God sees value. He will pull you out of the refuse pile, and clean you up and show the world your worth. 

As with many things the nicks and scars need to show, to show the age, and those are what tells the story.

So are you someone who can look past the refuse and dirt? maybe the smell and grime to see the worth?

The homeless man who may be a genius. Or the dirty child who is bouncing off the walls. Can we look past the obvious? Can we see value? Worth?

Can we see it in ourselves? Does God see your value? 

He sees your worth.

He sees your value.

He bought you in the condition you were in.

He looks past the filth and unattractiveness.

Past the exterior and only sees the heart of the matter.

He loves us reguardless of what we have done or are.

He loves us. period.

Values us.

We are worth it.

Valuable.

Be blessed today

Always 

Suszi

God use me

Hello friends,

Do you ever feel like you life is hopeless? or that you cannot measure up?

Or no matter what you do your failing? 

This week I had the opportunity to talk to someone who didn't care whether she went to Heaven or Hell.

I got to share my heart with her, sitting in my chair, so sick I couldnt even walk. God brought her to me.

I didn;t have a formula or read the right verses and I'm  sure had a pastor or theologian been there they would have corrected me. When the conversation started all I prayed and thought was "Here we go, help me have the words and speak your heart Jesus." We didn't talk about how you need to have these 6 things to get into heaven. We talked about life, How it sucks and is hard, and confusing and how our guilt over not being able to follow the rules is going to get us a one way ticket to hell. God softly reminded me so I could tell her that He dosen't care if we have a ministry, pray 3 times a day, wear the right clothes, or say the right words. He wants us to love Him. Period. It isnt hard. He loves us regardless and unconditionally. I drink and swear, yell at my kids, hate my husband at times, I get angry and frustrated. He doesn't care. I try to hold myself to a certain "Christian" standard. But I am who I am. I never want people to think me a hypocrite or a fool. Inn the past few years as God has taken me on this journey, I have felt pain deeper, loss more profoundly, and no joy at all. The one word I have stood on is "There may be pain in the night, but the joy come in the morning." Im still waiting for that morning, God loves me. The physical pain is unbearable and the drugs are worse. The loss and deep gaping hole where my mom should be hurts so fresh daily. The fear of the future, Feeling worthless because I cannot serve or cannot give to God, frustration knowing the kids I raise are molded by the words I say and my actions and not being able to get through a day without failing so profoundly, 

You see I am a raggamuffin. unwashed, bearfoot, weeping, dirty hurting soul. I cry to God to help and know He will. But is it to little to late? Have I spent my life wrong? What is the point? I look at the outlook I have right now and I can barley walk who in the heck is He going to use me to do anything? He shows me dreams and visions of things I dont understand. He is setting a path I don't have the energy or stamina to even begin to walk. But yet He uses me right in the chair I occupy 20 hours a day or more. uses my brokenness, and mental instability, despite myself. I share with you if the pain isn't to bad and He gives me the words to say. But why? why me? Im fat and angry and lonely and hurting. How is it He can use me. I stumble around and I cannot articulate well but He says write. So I do. I am not a writer. I am a typer and not a good one. He uses me anyway, Am I hypocrite? some may say yes. But I don't profess to be anything I am not. I am so far from the mark I rarely see the target. But He uses me. I don't read the word daily, I know is should, but I do meditate on the Word I have memorized half at least of the Old and nearly all of the new testament. I learned these words as a child and I still today lean on them. I am tormented with thoughts and feelings, God uses me. I take so many medications just to live but God uses me. I suffer from dark depression and feelings of hopelessness but God uses me. I am nothing, and nobody but God uses me.

I used to dance and laugh and sing, but I don't anymore. God uses me. I cry for peace for the pain to stop. God uses me. I am uneducated and unkempt most of the time and God uses me. I have little hope for the future and regrets of the past, God uses me, I lay awake all night wondering what next God? He uses me.

I try and attempt to raise 2 children who arnt biologically mine and wonder "What were you thinking God?" I'm a mess how can I do this without messing them totally up? God uses me,

Most times I feel like a colossal joke. God uses me. 

Being broken allows you to see the broken.  Being hurt makes you feel the others hurt.

Being angry and frustrated allows you to understand anger and frustration.

God use me. Use me everyday. I'm the muck and mire. In the times of low as well as high. Use my words, my heart to touch someone for you. If I cannot go out You bring them to me. Let My hands be yours. let my footsteps be yours. let me glorify you in my words and my typing, No longer do I want to sit and not be used. God use me. Make me so used my you and consumed by your grace. God use me,

Amen

Always

Suszi 

Love is not a feeling, it is a choice.

Good morning friends,

Well today marks a pretty special day. It is our 25th wedding anniversary.

WOW I never thought I would love this long much less be married this long hehee.

I would love to say it has been 25 wonderful and blissful years. UMM NO, reality is it has been about 8 wonderful years, not in a row either. One day at a time. But I guess that is what marriage is all about, not bliss but contentment. I went into our marriage with quite a different outlook then I have today. There was noway I would ever be submissive, I didn't care what the Bible said. If I wasn't happy I could just leave. It is just a piece of paper and a ring, it doesn't mean much. BOY was I wrong.First of all I married above my class. A well to do upper middle class boy from the suburbs, who went to country clubs and a private college. I was a poor lower class country girl, who was so hillbilly she didn't know what salad tongs were. Yes, really. Apparently God knew what He was doing though. Later we both figured out we were both at the point where we were sick of just dating and wanted a something lasting. We were so young, Dave was 21 and I was 18, just months out of High School. Dave and I met in April of 1989, started dating May 18th, 89, were engaged by July 14th, 89 and married October 21, 89. My mom always said our wedding was truly ordained by God because every step was easy and fell into place. The church, venue, caterer, etc... all had the date we wanted open. That never happens. So October 21, 1989 with 500 of our friends and family we were joined. People ask how we managed to stay together, well I have no idea other then God. I married a Grudem, they are very stubborn, Scandinavian,oldest child, don't show your feelings, private man. I am and Irish hillbilly that never kept a secret her whole life, that never backed down, and would tell you exactly what she thought you should do, youngest child. Well in hind sight, being on meds sooner would have made a ton of difference, and the fact that both of us are stubborn, and the fact that we kept God a part of it, is why we are together a quarter of a century later. Not without major bumps and detours in life, mistakes and hardships, we endured so much together that now I cannot imagine doing it alone. People ask us now if we ever thought about divorce? Well right away we decided it was not something we would even say. One time I left and gave Dave the biggest list of ultimatums and knew he would never do any of it so I guess we were done. Within 2 weeks he had done ALL of the list items and then some and I knew, if he would go so far out of his comfort zone, to adhere to my many requests, he was worth another chance. Our marriage I would love to say was based in a loving, sweet, smoochy, unconditional love. It has not and is not. It Has been Hard, trying, frustrating and painful and I would not change one minute of it, because THAT is what makes us grow strong and solid. So many times I thought I cannot handle this "MAN" anymore and God would gently remind me of the reasons we were together. Most times by playing "Our Song" Cross my heart - by George Strait. 

Our love was unconditional
We knew it from the start
I see it in your eyes
You could feel it from my heart

From here on after
Let's stay the way we where
And share all the love and laughter
That a lifetime will allow

I cross my heart
And promise to
Give all I've got to give
To make all your dreams come true

In all the world
You'll never find
A love as true as mine

You will always be the miracle
That makes my life complete
And as long as there's still breath in me
I'll make yours just as sweet

As we look into the future
It's as far as we can see
So let's make each tomorrow
Be the best that it can be

I cross my heart
And promise to
Give all I've got to give
To make all your dreams come true

In all the world
You'll never find
A love as true as mine

And if along the way we find a day
It starts to storm
You've got the promise of my love
To keep you warm

In all the world
You'll never find
A love as true as mine

It is a testament to endurance, and learning that although we are so very different, and no matter the craziness of life, or the sickness or poverty, the pain and rejection. Staying together, through it all, toughing it out and learning to laugh is not the easiest option, but it is the right one. The main and only way we have stayed together is the simple fact we HAVE to have God the center. No matter what and no matter if we feel like it, we with God will not give up. NO MATTER WHAT!!! 

Love is not a feeling, it is a choice. 

Have a blessed day

Always

Suszi

Off the beaten path, He cares

                                  Good Morning friends,

 I was thinking I wouldn't write today, but I guess God has other plans. I didn't sleep last night, the joy of this illness is that if I have pain and take pain meds. I cannot sleep, if I grin and bear it, I cannot sleep. So therefore my day is starting out pretty groggy, and a little grouchy.

I know we all have down times, I seem to have many lately, but my prayer and hope are that one day life will be joy filled again, everyday. I pray and trust it will be so. This journey is like a National Lampoons vacation gone wrong. That is  very wrong. I need to learn to find joy where I am. in the minuet things so the joy can gain a foothold and take root again. I think part of my bleakness I'm feeling is the fact that winter is coming. Some of you may not understand, but here winter begins about the first part of November (if were lucky) and lasts til April. It is bitter cold, windy and very snowy. The past few years have been particularly hard. I can generally  keep busy but cabin fever sets in and you wonder why you live in this frozen tundra. I dream of moving to the South. As do many of my fellow Minnesotans. We have already seen snow this year, just a few flakes but it is coming. I hate going out in it and I hate how if affects my body. This journey I am on right now is surely unmapped and unplanned, but somehow and somewhere you got to trust that the outcome or end destination will amaze us.Sometimes I like to take shortcuts, or scenic byways. I am usually alone and I just start heading the direction I need to go, and drive. I always end up at my destination. Sometimes later then I had hoped but there none the less. On these little journeys, I have seen beauty, and amazing beauty. I am often amazed that God can make something so beautiful as nature, and very few people see it, either they don't look or don't care, regardless He still makes it splendid. I think we tend to think well if no one is going to see it, why spend so much time on it. God does it differently. He makes the flower far back in the woods off the path just as beautiful as the ones we see in the store. I often think of these times as moments of God's unconditional love. He in his vast wonder created a flower that only I would ever see. Or a flock of birds in the air will dance to a silent song, He wrote for only me. The way a leaf falls, in bright colors. The way an eagle soars.The beauty in a single snowflake. The sound of children laughing. All gifts, all often overlooked, or ignored because we are sooo busy. Is it so very hard to just stop for 30 seconds and remember the wonder of life? to pull over and watch the sunset, to breath in the moist air of Fall. ALL of us has those options but do we choose or spend so much time, going going goooooing, we forget? We pray "God, do you love me?" and feel His answer is no, or He isn't talking to us. He is. In quiet moments. Trips off the beaten path. Brilliant sunsets. The smell of the air. Those are Hugs and reassurances He is with us. He loves us. He cares so much, He gives us what we need but also sooo much more, if we only stop to see.

Be blessed today

Always

Suszi

Bad attitudes and overcoming.

Good Morning Friends,

Today I am in a real melancholy mood. So my hope is to lift your spirits  while lifting my own,

I have spent the past few days mad at my husband for stupid little stuff, and our anniversary is soon coming. 

My children once again proved to me yesterday why I do NOT take them in public by myself.

I had weird bad dreams all night. I woke up surly. But on a good note I Finally got the chin hair plucked that had been eluding me forever.

My body today is in control, hundreds of boils, lesions and sores, exhaustion and pain. I am so looking forward to the day I can say "Victory is MINE" but until that day comes I take solice in knowing God is in control. This to shall pass. I hope.

"If it doesn't kill you, it will make you stronger." Is something my mom always said. and I believe that, but in the midst of the pain and frustration, it is so hard to see beyond that and look to tomorrow.

I often think about when I stand in front of God on judgement day. I am in so much trouble. I do and think so many things wrong, I cant imagine what God is thinking. I understand grace and things like that but I know He is going to have a few things to say to me, that's for sure. I know He and my guardian angels face palm their heads daily. I know I fall short and come up lacking most of the time. I am trying though, and pray for grace and peace. We all make mistakes and fail. Life is to short to worry and fret over every mistake. I know I am not the ideal wife, but I have been with the same man for 25 years and I am proud of that. I am not a great mom, but I'm trying and that says a lot.  I guess my biggest frustration with life is right now is the fact that I hate change. I hate doing nothing, or getting so tired if I do I have to rest for 2 days. I hate sitting and not going. I hate having my body dictate my every action. , I know, I know God has a plan, but I'm really a fast learner, I get it. I am also not to patient.  I love that song "Overcomer"

Staring at a stop sign
Watching people drive by
T mac on the radio
Got so much on your mind
Nothing's really going right
Looking for a ray of hope

Whatever it is you may be going through
I know he's not gonna let it get the best of you

You're an overcomer
Stay in the fight 'til the final round
You're not going under
'Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it's hopeless
That's when he reminds you
That you're an overcomer
You're an overcomer

Everybody's been down
Hit the bottom, hit the ground
Ooh, You're not alone
Just take a breath, don't forget
Hang on to his promises
He wants you to know

You're an overcomer
Stay in the fight 'til the final round
You're not going under
'Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it's hopeless
That's when he reminds you
That you're an overcomer
You're an overcomer

The same man, the great I am
The one who overcame death
Is living inside of you
So just hold tight, fix your eyes
On the one who holds your life
There's nothing he can't do
He's telling you

You're an overcomer
Stay in the fight 'til the final round
You're not going under
'Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it's hopeless
That's when he reminds you
That you're an overcomer
You're an overcomer

You're an overcomer
You're an overcomer

See don't quit, don't give in
You're an overcomer

Don't quit, don't give in
You're an overcomer

Don't quit, don't give in
You're an overcomer

You're an overcomer

I guess we all have days, we have to overcome. Lies, trials and pain, we have to overcome.

I think we either overcome or we are undone. There is little choice in the matter. I cannot imagine not having that hope. Not having God who gives hope. 

Do you need hope today? 

It is actually so easy to find,

Just a short prayer away.

Believe me I pray for it often.

Be blessed today.

Always

Suszi

Finding your gift.

Good Morning friends.

I have had the craziest last week.

But you can breath a sigh of relief because I am back.

I had coffee with a friend the other day, so she could pick my brain about my writing.

I was so flattered. She is a writer. I am me. But the one thing it showed me during our talk was that I have a passion, Often when you have thoughts about something you enjoy, they are nice thoughts, but when you speak those thoughts, you hear the true meaning behind the words. Even though I am not a great writer, and definitely not a editor. I love sharing hope. I love making someone think, or encourage someone.

I am not an intellect but I am a lot deeper then I appear to be. Many people see me and think they know me right away, "She's quirky", "She is odd", "She is artistic", and on and on. few people have tried to dig deeper.

The spiritual side of me, the hidden thoughts, okay so that may be a scary place to go. I was genuinely flattered to be asked for my opinion. She is starting a blog and needed inspiration and a a little help. I am so excited for her. And I am quite sure I filled her head to over flowing, I don;t really have an off switch when I get talking. But I am so glad for her. I have heard people who run, say they have to run everyday. Their bodies won't let them stop. That is kinda how writing is with me. If I don't have time or have other things to do and cannot write one day I feel like something is missing. Something is undone. I like to write in the mornings, I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON. I feel God can use me better if I am not awake or yet to the point in my day I am frustrated or busy with the kids. Before I have my second cup of coffee and my brain is actually working, there are even days I don't know what I have really written about until I proof read something. I just want to convey the love of God and that their is hope. I am friends with so many people who really don't "believe" in God. and that is fine. Can I love these folks absolutely. For me it doesn't matter to me who you are, you deserve to be loved. Lifestyles I don't "agree" with or choices people make are ultimately up to them. I rarely give my opinion on those things unless they ask. What I can do is love and cherish each person. Love unconditionally, and accept willingly. I am the last person to feel holier than anyone. I am not a very good model of "Christianity". I get grouchy, and yell and swear, I have very little filter. I let frustration get to me. I hurt and complain and definitely don't act pious. But I love God, I love people, and I love hope. If one persons life can be given a little hope today or given enough hope to get them through a bad day until they see a new day tomorrow, I guess I have done my best. Pray today. "How can God use me despite my faults and weaknesses?" He will but if you pray, be willing to go if He says move,

Be blessed today

Always

Suszi

Worry Warts

                                                      Good morning friends,
Do you know a worrier? I worry very little because it doesn;t help.
I have one child who worries. I guess it is part of life.
In Matthew 6 (Message) says: “If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
There are so many verses in the Bible about worry. I think God is trying to tell us something. I have a lot of people ask me why don;t you worry about this or that? I don't know..There are some worries I have, but when God tells us He can handle it, and our worring isnt going to help, we should listen. Can you think of times you worried for nothing? He promises He will supply all our needs. One thing God has done in my life I am so thankkful for is my job. Feeling the way I do, I could never work a normal job. But when I found out facepainting could make money, and I let God do all the work and just relax He does it all.  Today is a headache day, so I have to trust him today to give me rest. I have been feeling so good, my body is saying "SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP" or maybe it is God. reguardless Give your worries to God, He's got this.

Have a blessed day.

Always

Suszi

Blood moon and letting go.....

Moonlit nights.

As fairies dance in pure delight

The blood moon rises high

when dreams they come 

in scattered time and crazier then some

Nature alive, in the brightness that looms

a welcome gift as days become shorter.

For Autumn is here at last, at last

the pumpkins grow and corn shutters

mischief is made, as children's hearts soar

as ghosts come out to play.

with treats and tricks, and pixie gifts

we revel in leaves and warm fires

and family held close, and joy that is rich

and hot summer days long forgotten.

by Suszi

Good Morning friends,

Today is bitter sweet for me.

History Fest starts and goes on all week.

My life for the past 8 or 9 years has revolved around this week of the year.

Last year I took a sabatical because my moms health was getting worse.

She needed me more. This year it is my health, that is worse. I love the event but there also comes a point when you have to let go. I actually love going out just to visit and see people and not have the stress to deal with. But I put my heart and soul into making it what it is, but I guess it is Gods way of saying stop. I know those who are doing it are capable and are doing a great job. It is just hard.

I wrote the poem above about the moon, last night was a blood moon and a lunar eclipse. I slept through it.

But many who saw we amazed. and pictures of it are amazing. I remember being a child about 8, living in Arizona, my dad and I were driving home across the desert valley and the moon was so huge and looked like it was right above us literally and it was totally blood red. I was in awe. My dad started talking about the end times and Christ's return and it scared me . I remember thinking i'll never have babies, or live. or marry.

Well even though the Bible describes that event and events to come, that was not the night. and that was almost 40 years ago. I now see the red moon and think wow I do hope time is near the end. I long for Heaven, for loved ones long gone, or never met, but to worship at the feet of the Savior most of all.

I always feel lacking here on earth. I should read more, worship stronger, pray harder. I know God knows my heart and when I am at the lowest most times a simple "Jesus, help" is all I can muster. One thing through

all the ups and downs in life that is certain is my faith, I maynot understand what the heck God is doing, but I know HE IS DOING SOMETHING. As tired as I am, and as frusterated as I become, I know His love never fails. This journey I am on that is my life, so very long ago went off the map, directions and plans made, that I just had to let go and trust. Like a child hanging from a branch and you are saying let go, but you can barely reach them, but await with your arms open, they need only to release and be saved, but our humanity is hard to fight, your safe if you hold the branch, but letting go and the uncertainty of falling we cannot comprehend. your arms hurt from hanging and trying to hold onto what is tangible. But letting go your brain cannot react to blind faith, knowing you will be safe. God often wants us to just let go, of a job, relationship, hobby, church, family etc. in order to be safe in His arms. To fully inderstand His will and intentions. If we hold to tight to things, He doesnt have room to move, if we let go and trust, He moves and changes and rewards obedience. The next thing in life doesn't mean you failed the last thing, it just means time is over there and you gotta move on down the road. Into His will and His plan and NOT OURS.

Blind faith, let go. release from what your holding so tightly to, change is NOT failure.

Let Him move.

Be blessed today.

Always

Suszi

Farting and warheads....

Good Morning friends.

I was thinking about my mom and yes she was wonderful, BUT she also did crazy, beyond words sometimes. For my 6th birthday I was given a bloody deer leg, cause earlier that day, when it was hanging in the tree it scared me. So what does she do? traumatize me more. One time we went to Niagara Falls in the winter, Neither me nor my mother, liked water, such a strange place to go in that situation, but my dad loved it. Well being winter, not many people were there. I went into the gift shop and was no one there. My mom was out smoking as usual. So I wandered about looking at all the tchotchkes and weird little things to buy. An entire group of Asian tourists entered, and unlike us who divide and conquer. they saw me and I nodded back to also acknowledge they were there and went on perusing the wares. A little later my mom came in, I saw her but didn't do anything but make eye contact, without missing a beat, she walked to the group and wiggled her way into the middle of the group, and proceeded to talk Asianesk, Hong-ching-ding-ramma-lamma-ding-dong. The entire group instead of looking or walking away they in unison turned to look at me. I held up my hands without a word, shrugged and VERY quickly made my exit. She then came out  laughing her head off, I was so embarrassed. Another time I took her and my aunt to WalMart. Thank God it was in Kentucky and a very small store on a very slow day. They both got some clothes and entered the changing rooms and proceeded to yell to one another "Hey you got any paper in yer toilet?" The attendant, turned and looked at me and once again shrugging and walking away quickly.She was also very proud of the fact that she could fart on command. Well for us very embarrassing, but for her very proud moments. She could fart an entire isle at a store and it would echo. She would in church and shake her head and point at someone else.If she thought it would make a loud sound or would make someone grossed out she farted. When she got older the doctors realized she did have a defect that caused that. and he suggested she get that fixed. She was offended, why would he want to fix one of her best talents. Another thing she loved doing was sitting in malls or crowed areas and talking to people and she always said it was so interesting to learn about other peoples lives. Well when they came out with War heads a super sour candy that looked like bubblegum. She would sit down and start a conversation with a stranger and slowly worked up a rapport and asked them if they would like a piece of gum and hand them a Warhead. Needless to say you could hear her laughing all down the corridor, as the person looked like she poisoned them. That and many more episodes peppered my life, now after therapy I can finally look back and laugh at many of these situations. 

And now as my children grow I many times have to stop myself from doing the crazy things in the fashion of my mother. Poor kids.

Be blessed today.

Always

Suszi

Faith and onion sandwichs..

                                    Good Morning friends,
                              Well I couldn't write Friday sorry, first all my emotions were to close to the surface, being the anniversary of my moms death. And also because I have this disease that is horrid, and this new cold snap has been bad to deal with.  
                                                   Today is the first time in a very long time, emotionally I feel like me. Silly and energetic. We have been making some changes in our life lately and God is really in them. I also think talking about my mom has helped so much. She left such a gap in my life when she left. She also is the reason I am as strong as I am. Every aspect of my life her voice is heard, giving advice or wisdom or correction, but the best thing she did was encourage me spiritually. I learned my faith through her and her example. She never wavered. So many times in my life I have seen miracles and wonders just because she refused to give up that faith even for a second. When I was 8 we moved to Arizona. My dad worked and everything but my parents also sent 3 kids to private school and I'm sure the cost was tough. As a result I remember eating a ton of Twinkies and day old bread. Which is the reason I can not even gag a Twinkie down today. One time I remember we were making supper and there was NO food in our house whatsoever. She told us to set the table and I remember asking her Why? and she said "God supplies all our needs, and He will now too." so we set the table and sat down and held hands and prayed. "Our most gracious and loving Father, we know you will supply our every need,we are your children and know you will never let us go without. We love you and honor your name. Amen" She somehow just knew how to reach up and touch the heart of God. Suddenly there was a knock on our door. We ran to the door and there were groceries spread all over our porch, bags and bags. The funny thing is the way our house was set. you couldn't get away fast enough without being seen. No one was there. My mom instantly gave glory to God and my faith that day was so solidified, so I never doubted He was there and would supply all our needs according to His riches in glory. Another time I was about 13 and it was winter, my brothers were all gone from home now, just me and mom and dad. That was when my dad had his first heart attack. No money coming in, cold. well I remember us snuggling up to the fireplace,  eating onion sandwiches. They were so good. Mom and I had the best time, no TV, just her and I cutting wood, roasting onions on the fire, making the best sandwiches, telling stories and sleeping on the floor on pallet of blankets in front of the fire. Such a great memory for me. Not until just a few years ago did it strike me, and I asked her why we did that, that she told me we had no heat or electricity they were shut off and all our food had gone bad in the fridge and freezer, what we didn't eat earlier. so bread and onions were all that were left. She took a bad situation that could have been bad and turned it into one of my favorite memories. That is the kind of person she was. I often wish I could call her and seek advice or hear her voice. Most times a story or a memory Will emerge, and her Godly wisdom will set me straight. She wasn't always spiritual she always said, "Don't be so Heavenly minded, that your no earthly good". She had a very funny side and a life was never dull. Ill be telling more stories and sharing about her and her life in time to come. Until then,
                                                                Have a blessed day
                                                                             Always
                                                                          Suszi
                                                                             

Pie, only good if eaten in your hand

Good Morning friends,

Honoring my mom today again, and everyone loved the stories, so I will continue. I swear I could fill volumes of books with her stories .

She often told a story of back in their drinking days beforeI was born. My dad was spending too much time ice fishing at his fish house and she was pregnant and had 2 little boys at home. She asked him to stop but he didn't, so she got in their car and drove onto the ice and as she said "Pushed him off his "ICE ' hole" all the way across the lake. He didn't fish much after that, probably because there wasn't to much left of the ice house. 

My parents stopped drinking before I was born so when they talk of those days it seems like different people. 

How they met is a miracle too. My mom was barely 14 and had graduated from 8th grade, high school was optional then and rarely done, most kids had to go work to help the family. My mom had gone to Columbus, OH. to work with her older sister in her cafe. On one of her first days there my dad came in and asked for a piece of pie. so she got him one and handed it to him without a plate. he looked at her and laughed and said "Can I have a plate?" She said "No, pie is not good unless you can eat it without a plate." Love was born.

My dad had come to Columbus after he returned to Minnesota from Korea, and he had someone who wanted to marry him and he didn't want that so he packed a bag and went to friends there in Columbus, this part is different with each telling hehe so details are sketchy, but regardless he went to Ohio. The day he walked into the diner and met my mom, it must have been love at first sight. Mom then found out dad was dating one of her friends, so the would go on double dates and my dad started holding her hand with his arm around her friend. I'm sure it took only a date or two before the friend was out of the picture. My dad asked my mom to marry him, so they went back to her family home in KY,for permission and for my grandpa to marry them. When they arrived on Flint Branch my dad had never been there and wondered why they all seemed mad and were caring guns. My Grandpa said he wouldn't marry them and my mom said he had to, insinuating she was pregnant, (which she wasn't) He was so angry and mom and daddy drove with Lula and Noah to town to the courthouse to get the licence (which cost about $. 25 ) and the court clerk said to my grandpa "Mr. Puckett you can sign here." Well, my dad was taken aback he said "Why does your dad need to sign, your 18 aren't you?" My Grandma said "No, she is 14!!" Well my mom being as quick witted turned to my dad and said 'Do you love me any less then you did 5 minutes ago?" He said "Well no". Then lets get married. They returned to the house and had a wedding on the front lawn of their home, Grandpa said he couldn't marry them in the church, because he thought she was pregnant. The day was July 7 , 1956 and my mom was 14 and my dad was 23. (his birthday is the 14th of July he turned 24) 

This year would be their 58th anniversary. 

My mom didn't have a child til 4 years later. 

After they were married they lived in an apartment building just for newlyweds. They wanted out of their lease and the landlady was not easy to deal with. The only reason they could get out was to be pregnant. Well it worked they were out of the lease because she was "pregnant" again. my mom ran into the landlady about a year later and the lady asked what kind of baby they had. Mom said "Oh, a girl we named her Sue".

Needless to say I wasn't born for another 13 years. I told her the only reason she named me Sue was because she had a guilty conscience for lying about it. In the next few years my parents moved to Mn to my dads families area, and settled in Janesville, where they later had Jeff, Jim and John and me 7 years after John.

Be blessed 

Always

Suszi

socks of soot

                                                  Good morning friends,
Today I am going to tell you more about my momma. She was raised in Kentucky in a 2 room cabin, no electric or running water until she was older. She is the 11th of 13 children. She lived way back in the woods up a holler, Flint Branch. Her mother never raised her voice or spanked them, but somehow they knew she meant business
She has told of many adventures her and her siblings had. My mom suffered horrible allergic reaction to poison ivy and as you can imagine that didn't work well for the environment she lived in. Once a year an old Indian (native American) would come out of the hills, he was a healer. My grandma Lula asked him about this problem, he told her to gather poison ivy during a certain time and boil it and have my mom drink the tincture. She did and my mom remembers tasting it and it was horrid but she drank, and never had a reaction again, and neither have I. She said he also had cures for cancer and other things of that nature, but one day he never came back. My mom loved the woods, she would spend whole days out hunting mushrooms or blackberries. She said she felt close to God there and could talk to Him. I only went with her a few times because I don't like the outdoors as much, but am blessed I got to be with her. She has mysteries in her childhood. Her younger brother Noah Jr. or Junior as he was called got cancer in his eye when he was about 8 or so and my mom was 12, their mom and dad had to take him to Columbus Ohio for surgery and treatment and were gone for well over a month and left my mom under the care of her sister who was older but also a heavy drinker. So my mom had to watch her baby sister PUDGE 6ish and her cousins Jimmy and Larry Flint and Ted Flint her nephew. They ran out of food quickly and started going to the neighbor and they wouldn't help. She said she remembers very little of that time and actually blocked most of it out of her memory. She did remember however when her dad got home, he was the preacher at the church at the head of the holler, He stood and let his fury fly to the congregation about not helping his children and turning them away. How they amened him Sunday morning but couldn't feed his kids. She said never again did they ever have to worry again about what to eat. The same brother with the cancer now had a new shiny glass eye that he could pop out and show people, also nearly got his head chopped off, they were playing near the wood pile, and an ax was setting there and she dared him to do something brave, (she did that a lot) and he fell and his neck landed on the ax. Her father gathered him up holding the artery got on a mule and rode the 2 miles to town holding him, and they saved him. My grand parents prayed. My mom loved to play jokes on people. Once she got soot out of the chimney and filled her dads black socks for Sunday with it. They had regular foot washings each Sunday and him being the Preacher was the first to take off his socks, we he turned red in the face at seeing his feet and just said in a slow southern drawl, "My children have been up to mischief again" and looked at my mom. She was a trouble maker. Sunday's after church all the men folk would go to their house for dinner and then go in the yard where they would kneel to pray. well they had just gotten a new goat and it liked to buck, so she waited for just the moment and as they knelt she released the goat. She said that was one of the rare times she was spanked but it was so worth it. Her name is another unique thing about her. When she was born her mom was out of names and didn't put one on her birth certificate, so her grandpa said we have to call her something. Her eyes were sparkling and hair so white it looked blue, so he started calling her Blue. Well the name stuck and even though they finally chose a name when she was 6 months old, Beatrice, Blue was all she was ever called. Her middle name was Faye and that is how it was spelled on everything, and on the day of her funeral I was looking in her Bible and found her birth certificate with the name portion stapled on with her new name, but her middle name was not spelled Faye it was Fae. Fae is another name for Fairy and if you know us at all we do all things fairy at our house so to us it was just one more way of explaining to us why she was the way she was. We were very blessed to have this amazing person as our mother and though we have had to get over a lot in therapy hehehe she always had a story to tell, a song to sing or a joke to play.

                                                                  Be blessed
                                                                         Always
                                                                          Suszi