Your Hillbilly is showing...

Good Morning friends,

I want to tell you about an epidemic going on in my neighborhood.

Pure and utter stupidity and selfishness.

Every morning I take my son to school and get in line, unlock the door and he gets out and I drive away.

At least 3 letters have been sent home about this, but people still insist on getting out of their cars and walking their kids inside. PARK. Or they sit there and talk to their kids, get off the phone and talk to them on the way. It is quite simple really. Today someone passed everyone in line and went to the front. What is that all about. I usually don't drink coffee before I take him, and being cold it is a nasty combination. Then this morning I was thinking people should take a que from their kids, wait in line, follow the rules, be kindddd.

Ok so as I was dropping him off my hillbilly started showing, and well anuncaffinated, tired hillbillies are not good.

So as I was ranting and yelling and not being kind or respectful, I got a nudge from God, to loook in the mirror. When I did I saw the prettiest brown eyes looking and watching me. OUCH.

So although they were being rude, so was I. If some of them could hear they would say "She is a Christian?" 

GRRrrrrr I don't wanna be nice. But I will.

Can I show God's love with out even speaking? Yes to my kids.

And those around me may not be able to hear me but, I know how I should act.

Patience, Love, peace. PRAYER loads of Prayer. 

So who is right? Them for cutting the line, when who knows why, late for work or an appointment.

Me who is grouchy and indignant? 

It doesn't really matter, cause my heart is what should matter and I admit that it is in the wrong today.

So this afternoon as I sit in that same line, I will strive to be Christ like.

I will need loads of grace and love cause this is going to be hard.

But with Christ all things are possible, even changing my attitude.

I am so thankful for a God who loves and cares how I act.

Have a blessed day.

Always 

Suszi

Plow me into a renewed heart...

Snow in the Bible: Psalm 51:7 
"Whiter than snow"--that's how clean we are when God has "washed" us and removed our sin and shame. The imagery of cleansing is often used to describe the spiritual effect of God's work in our lives: we once were dirtied by our sin, but now are clean.

Psalm 51:7

King James Version (KJV)

7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

Good Morning friends,

The other day we were driving in the snow and my son asked me " What makes the snow brown?"

and I explained about the chemicals and sand they put on the road.

It got me looking and thinking.

about our sin and how we are cleansed from that sin.

Snow is so wonderous and clean, it lands on the ground and branches so softly and beautifully. We as humans have to go and do, so we hurry and plow through, and rush the process, that it gets murkey and grungy. Granted we can't wait til it melts at least not here or we wouldn't go anywhere from November til April. I think more about our lives. How many times do we take what God shows us and run off slipping and slidding and putting down artifical stability just so we can hurry this process along.

When if we would have just stopped and waited for God to clear the way and have patience we would be fine. So often we think we know what God is saying and say ok I got this. At least I do.

But God in his amazing grace knows us and I am sure just shakes His head everytime.

I think it is interesting that they discuss snow in the Bible because the climate is so different there.

I really don't know if it even snows. I am almost sure it doen't snow like here. I had to be a hard concept to grasp.

What I did notice about the snow on  the road was that when we drive it splashes the dirt onto the clean white snow on the side of the road. It looks yucky and sloppy.

But it doesn't stay that way long, it is soon covered with fresh white snow.

It is like God's grace, as we make a mess, He soon covers us and washes it clean.

We then start a process of doing it all again. And He once again covers us. Will we ever learn?

When God has shown me some things about my life that He wants to do, but says "BE STILL AND KNOW I AM GOD" Dont touch that, hands off. I got this.

I have a plow connected to my head it seems.

I am not patient and I don't like to wait when I can just do it and be done with it.

I know God can do it, but I think I can do it faster.

But then who is glorified?

Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit in me.

Today I get to stand in the softly falling snow my head raised to the sky, tongue out tasting the fresh cold tingle in my mouth.

Letting the cold soak into my bones. Washing away the dirt and grime of the day and relaxing and letting out a deep cleansing breath you can see floating on the air. 

SLOW down and enjoy this journey. One step at a time, watching the world and not slopping our dirt on those, we run screatching by. 

Create in me a clean heart.

Renew a RIGHT spirit.

Have a blessed day

Always

Suszi

Create in me a clean heart...

Good Morning friends,

Wow this weekend was so wonderful in so many ways, but also so awful.

I cannot even begin to tell you the pure anguish that satan put me through.

It started with tiny whispers and ended in 2 days of utter devistation. I had no friends, my church hated me, my husband was horrid, my kids were the worst, everyone just hated me. That is what I fought all weekend.

Well Saturday morning I got to go have lunch with my dear friend Deb, and two of our other friends just happened to be there, it was so great, totally God ordained and much needed. These friends are life friends, you dont see or talk to them everyday, but they are right there for you if you need them. Then I got to paint faces at a party for a little girl who has fought for life since she was born 6 years ago, down syndrom, breathing issues, respirator, speech, physical difficulties, yet she was so happy and full of life. 

So what is my problem? It was like a a choaker the more I struggled the tighter it got. Until it spilled out, sorry for those in my path. I thought my church people hated me and my kids, my closest friends were mad, my family didnt care, and on and on and on. I prayed and cried, but it just got worse. Then God spoke to me, at church every word that was spoke or preached was about that exactally, we werent going to go even but I knew if I didnt this would just get worse letting it stew a week,  . So did I hear it and turn my attitude around, no not really. I continued to fight it all day. then I got a call from my friend Lin and was invited over to paint and I felt love and welcome and the ladies there let me vent. I knew I was being poked by the devil. I know that my friends don't hate me, and that my church loves me, and I don't like to be jealous or offended and satan knows that is or was a weak spot right now.

So today I woke up feeling just fine, no struggle or anything. I feel like I went through a war. I am tired and worn out. But also free of all that.

So I am so sorry to those who love me. 

Today I pray, create in me a clean heart, oh God my Father, and renew a right Spirit in me.

I will find joy and peace today.

and pray for you all to find the same.

Be blessed.

Always

Suszi

Won't you please, please won't you be my neighbor?

Good Morning friends,

I watched a good show last night on PBS called,

Mr Rogers and me.

It really took me back to a world of simplicity.

Back to a time when kindness and love and imagination were the most important things to strive to have.

I have talked many times about being totaly transparent, and honest and being Jesus with hands.

But I have been sorely lacking in practicing what I preach.

Here is the reason.

I lost my spark.

When a friend told me this lately I thought yes I have, since my mom died.

But, NO it was, she said when Chrissy was diagnosed with Dup 15.

Last year in October, so for 13 months I have gone from a happy, kinda crazy, fun loving person to

who I am now.

I don't care for her much.

She is depressed and angry, rude and grouchy.

Last night I berated my child because of something she said, and blamed her for all my issues.

When I know it is all my fault.

Then I saw this special. OUCH.

This man valued emotion and he valued people.

I used to. I say I do but I really don't walk in it much lately.

I feel like the person who does, that part of me I lost is huddled in the corner shivering and starving, because she is so neglected and alone.

My spark is gone.

My spark is gone.

I have taken joy, love and laughter and replaced them with threat, guilt and punishment.

I don't like this person at all.

So how do I go back? 

How does one go back to that person? Can we even do that?

Well most journeys are a round trip, and as much as a vacation is nice, being home always feels so good to get back too.

But the return trip doesn't just happen in a snap, it is also a journey in itself. It is a road and it may look familuar, it can still be daunting. Because it is so remembered often we get bored and just long to be back to normal. Back to routine. Back to normalicy, but can we? We don't ever return the same person. Oh we may look the same, talk the same, act the same but, something isdiffferent. The flowered shirt your wearing? the tan on your skin, the photos and memories, new friends.

So as I think back to a year ago, I remember someone who was stressed and tired. I worked so much, and we had no idea why Chrissy was acting the way she was. and Life just seemed like to much. I am not sure I want to go back to that place. But that place is no longer there either, I don't work, I am rested, stress is so much less. and we know exactally why she acts that way. It doesn't make it easier though.

But at least I can now look back to what I lost, my spark.

Last night I remembered who that little girl was who was so full of life was.

She wanted to have fun and play and celebrate life.

Not what I am doing right now.

I am not living my life by the example of a Godly man who never preached, but shared his life and world and neighborhood. He took love your neighbor as a command. Didn't you feel safe and loved with him?

One thing that stood out was he said "I love you , just the way you are". 

Doesn't Jesus say the same thing? Doesn't He want us no matter our flaws? 

So today I don't know if my return journey will be good or bad, or if it is even possible or necessary? But it is important that I find that happy, sparkley, fun person, who sang and danced and played.

I guess the first thing to do is take a step.

So lets put on a sweater and different shoes and sing, 

"Would you be mine, could you be mine, won't you be my neighbor?"

I love you neighbor..

Be blessed today,

Always

Suszi

It is well with my soul.....

Good morning friends.

Yesterday I started to feel sick and slept most of the day,

Once I woke up and thought what we often think when we are sick, "I want my Mommy"

There is just something about having your momma there when your sick.

Then of course my next thought was "She isn't here".

Tears would normally fall but didn't I almost felt peace.

Last week after a long talk with my pastors, I feel like I turned a corner in my grief.

For quite a while I felt stuck, I could tell myself to get over it.

Or suck it up and go on.

But for some reason I just couidn't I just felt deeper and deeper darkmess.

All I can say is it was only God who brought me out of the other side.

We prayed and cried and talked and noting new was said but it was just a change of heart, like changing a bandage, it hurts when you take  it off and it rips and pulls, but when you apply ointment and a fresh bandage it is soothing and good.

It wasn't better but a step in the right direction.

This is a journey, not a leisure cruise. 

The Song  It is Well with my Soul

written in 1876 is relivent today as when it was written

1. When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
   When sorrows like sea billows roll;
   Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
   It is well, it is well, with my soul.
   • Refrain:
     It is well, with my soul,
     It is well, it is well, with my soul.
2. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
   Let this blest assurance control,
   That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
   And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
3. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
   My sin, not in part but the whole,
   Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
   Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
4. For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
   If Jordan above me shall roll,
   No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
   Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
5. But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
   The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
   Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
   Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!
6. And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
   The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
   The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
   Even so, it is well with my soul.

God doesn't thunder "BE WELL" He whispers peace to my soul.

It makes me long for Heaven. 

I was thinking the other day about the siblings I have that are in Heaven,

and how my mom mourned them, there were 4 and they know the last one

she lost was nearly full term and was a girl.

In those days they werent buried or photographed or help, they were just 

"taken care of" and it gave me joy knowing those babies were finally with their momma too.

I saw her sitting on the porch laughing and rocking them and playing

and spraying them with water and blowing bubbles.  

I saw her joy, heard her laughter, felt the peace.

I know she is happy and well and I am so jealous and long for the day I get to see her.

And meet those babies who my soul longs to meet, the siblings only my soul knows.

Today Peace, I choose it. I need it.

It is well, it is well with my soul.

Be blessed today

Always

Suszi