My baby is having a baby

Good Morning friends,

Today I'm happy to announce 

I'M GOING TO BE A GRANDMA!!!

I'm just a little excited.

I have been waiting for this my whole life.

I was so excited when they told us.

But something I didn't expect.

A deep concern about MY baby.

She doesn't do pain well or sickness.

So as excited as I am, I also hurt for her. 

My only pregnancy was with her and as wondrous as it was also 

scary and also filled with sickness. 

Although my circumstances were different, it still worries me. 

The thing I hope the most is that she be able to get through the next months okay.

Helena has been through a lot in her life, most good but some not. I have no doubt what so ever that she will make an amazing mom. She is strong and brave. She has her daddy's brain and my creativity. 

I prayed everyday she was in my womb. For her eyes and mind and  every aspect of her life even her husband someday. She has grown into an amazing woman. 

She is very beloved and kind. Now I guess it is time to pray for the little one inside her. That in some way it will be even more amazing.

I am so proud of her and her accomplishments, and like my momma always told me..."It isn't the grades or plaques on a wall, it is the love you share and the person you have become that is more important," 

I am not worried she will be a good mother, not because I was, but despite me. 

Through the grace of God and the person she is.

She has made me so proud over the years, but nothing like this. 

One of the greatest things in the world that you can experience. 

The birth of a child.

Joyous, amazing and hard.

So this new journey begins, to being a grandma.

I believe it shall be the most fun journey I have ever taken.

I love you Helena and Thank you for making me a Gramma.

Always

Suszi

Dreams of Joy

Good morning friends,

I know it has been a long time and I'm sorry, life has a way of taking time and not giving it back.

I had to write today and tell you about my drean last night.

I have been working on joy for a long time, learning the best way to achieve it.

Generally I have crazy dreams I forget quickly, but once in a while I dream a dream so real and so close to God you hate to leave, I had one of those dreams.

Dream

We were in a huge stadium but like behind the scenes in the back, we could hear the screams of the crowd and watched as each play prepped for his appearance. The photo area , the dressing area, etc..loud and exciting but no joy. our parents were in a room gathered together in a tight bunch , hands raised praying for joy to come. I looked in and thought "that is great, but it seems old fashioned and was it getting what we needed?"...I also saw bunches of kids around dancing or playing trying to produce joy artificially, but to no avail. Then there were angels standing straight , tall and silent, waiting to bring joy. I tried every spot to find joy and noting happened. Until i found a tiny box of joy hidden someplace.I didn't know what to do it seemed like a tiny bit how could this make a change in all this chaos ? finally I went to the main angel and He wouldn't tell me what to do with it, but that I had to decide myself, In true fashion i got frustrated and threw the box at him. He looked at me and laughed and nodded, apparently that was the "right" thing to do, go figure. The whole scene changed, the kids came out of their fight for joy and danced and sang, we were given drums to bang and tambourines and they were dancing and praising God. There was no set words or prayer of song, each doing what they wanted in praising God. I ran to check the parents to tell them, but got shushed and told to be ready that joy would be here eventually, but they were stuck in that spot waiting for what they couldn't see happening. I banged drums and sang and laughed, new rooms or areas would light up as the joy spread. I was in awe how the contents of that tiny box multiplied and I went back to the "in charge" angel, and he laughed deep and long, a laugh from the very soul of God.

So many more kids showed up and were finding the joy, begging for it. Dry as though they were in a desert and thirsty, and a tiny sparkle would hit them and the laughter would begin.

My theory 

Well the chaos was the world loud and draining, so many things happening all at once. Distraction all over. The parents are the old way of doing things, not wrong but, not as effective. The angels are at the ready to release the joy but we have to find the source. I'm not sure why I threw it but maybe we need to "take the bull by the horns" and throw it like a lit firecracker? The joy in a tiny box, looks so insignificant, hardly worth the time. But it is like glitter, billions of tiny pieces. They spread and multiply it seems. 

Joy doesn't need much to spread. Have you ever had a laughing fit and nothing way funny? where you laughed so hard you nearly peed yourself, or clapped like a seal. I do and have many times. Laughter brings healing.
The verse I have stood on since my mom died and has carried me is this...

Sorrow May last through the night, but joy comes in the morning.

When joy comes..when joy comes...

You mean we don't have to earn it? buy it? control it?

IT IS FREE..

I love free..reallllly love free.

Finding so much joy in little things like how your best friend cant get into her car cause her boobs are in the way...or those boys who can't wear their pants right and they fall down. 

A baby, a kiss, a puppy.

so many tiny packages of joy waiting to be thrown at someone.

A smile, a touch, a soft hello.

A tiny box.

Always

Suszi