URGENT PRAYER NEEDED

Dear Friends,

Above is a photo of my cousin Isaiah (Ike) 16 (next week)

Has Hydrocephalus, Epilepsy,  Chiari Malformation and is in the hospital at St. Paul Children's Hospital in the Twin Cities. His shunt valve is not working and they are tentatively planning surgery to repair it.

This is one of the strongest kids I know. He is half of a set of twins and amazes me, His brother Ethan, is a normal 16 year old, but has a gentle heart, and even though he is healthy always looks out for his brother. Ike, Goes through life with a joy and positive attitude, always willing to hug and love everyone. He has a gentle kind heart, to everyone. He gives his all, if he plays ball on the Miracle League to school, it is hard to squash his spirit. Such a great kids from a great family. Angie and Bryan also have another son Caleb, and this family works and plays hard. They love spending time outdoors and being together as a family. Angie and Bryan are devoted to their kids in such a strong way, making life for Ike as normal as possible. Never putting their needs ahead of his, giving him balance and stability. They are an amazing family. PLEASE PRAY for them, Ike's impending surgery, Strength and peace, Provision, hospital food and just being there and driving the 1 1/2 hours to get there costs money and as with all of us that is tight, especially this time of year, Patience and rest. Christmas is hard for many (me) but Angie LOVES it and celebrates it to the hilt. Shopping not being on her priorities list, please pray how God can use you to bless them (contact me if you don't know them) this holiday season. Life with special needs kids is never ever easy, so please remember this family as you pray today. Here is an opportunity to be Jesus with skin on and bless someone, or a family of someones.

We LOVE YOU BECKER FAMILY.

Merry Christmas

Be blessed

Always

Suszi

A mountain of a influence

Good Morning friends,

I got to be a part of a very special event this last weekend. It was the 90th birthday party of David Roe.

I even spoke. I am not impressed by titles or credentials for anyone but more with the integrity and honor of the person. The party included 2 senators, 3 former Governors, a lieutenant Governor and a Vice President, plus a myriad of other political and government people and many friends. I got to take pictures of all these amazing people who were there for one reason, to celebrate this amazing mans birthday. They talked about this cigar smoking, get things done guy who respected men and was a man of his word. A man who treated every person with respect and honor. A man who made things happen in high places and in the Labor world. He built monuments, traveled and saw amazing things and met amazing people. He was there when they gave the Panama Canal back to panama. He was there at the Kentucky Derby for 50 years. He met Presidents and athletes and movie stars. He has been a guest at the White House, and ridden on Air force One and served his country in the Navy. This man who didn't go to college but was a Regent at U of M. A man of power and influence. I got to glimpse that man a little this day. To me and another group of people he is Boppa, He is a grandpa, great grandpa and hopefully soon a great great grandpa, A husband and father. He treated his family and wife as though they were the most important people in the world. To me he is the grandpa I always longed for.  He is the funny hat wearing, silly person who wears his love for everyone on his sleeve, and is not afraid to show emotion about that love. I have seen him mad, and sad, and happy and silly, and he is always that strong move mountains man. He was blessed with much in life but also shared everything he had. The thing I love the most about him is the fact that he never treated me any different then a president. I was a country bumpkin with little life knowledge, and he warmly welcomed me into their family the first moment I met Him and Nana. I have never once felt unwanted or loved whit them. I just hope I can model my life in such a way that integrity and love can be shared with the highest to the lowest. Where my love and influence can change the world, even if it is the world to one person. To learn that All men are the same. Someone who at 90 a room full of people who love you surround you and wish you well. Someone who isn't afraid to cry in front of powerful people, when you talk about your spouse and love of your life. This man who has spoken to thousands, made such a mark on this one person that I never will again feel as though I didn't have the best grandfather in the world.

We love you Boppa

Always

Suszi

Thanksgiving

Good morning friends,

It is a snowy cold day in Minnesota.

Thanksgiving is soon upon us, and preparations have begun. 

I LOVE THANKSGIVING. Many like other holidays, Halloween or Christmas.

Our family has always been Thanksgiving people. I am sure it has a lot to do with the fact that it is my birthday. I am the youngest and my mom always made a big deal for a party, I think because years ago I didn't have school parties cause my birthday was over a holiday. This year I will have 40 at my house, and I am doing something I have never done, I am using paper plates. I am still not sure about it. I love to use china and silver once a year at least, but I am going to try. I did make simple name cards for people.

And boats for the kids. Since this year my birthday lands on the day of Thanksgiving I am trying to keep it easy. I just wanted to wish you all a great Thanksgiving. I don't have anything to write that is deep today, the Lego movie is on and my head hurts so, I can barely think hehehe.

I hope you all have a great weekend

Be blessed

Always 

Suszi

Brothers and sisters....

Good morning friends,

Thanks for you patience with me sometimes.

The past week has been a particularly hard one. You see I am the youngest of 4 children.

I have 3 older brothers Jeff is 10 yeas older has 7 children almost 5 grandchildren and owns a resort in Australia. Jim who is 8 years older, a vagabond and addict, he has good and bad times and a beautiful daughter and grandson. Then there is John, 7 years older, divorced twice, retired Army, 3 amazing kids and 2 grand kids, and  has always felt displaced by me. I did little more then be born, and irritate him while growing up. But since our moms death there has been little contact. and then only bitter snips and haughty feelings, and yes I'm sure I am to blame for most of it, but I still am frustrated with him. His latest display of brotherly love was inviting my dad to come see him, yes that in itself is nice and the fact that he paid for it remarkable. Here is the rub, my dad is the only one who is here for me out of our family, and next week is my birthday and Thanksgiving, both important days in our house and family. So my dad flies out tomorrow and back the week after thansgiving. Okay so what is the point of that? And yesterday he put on his Facebook a plead to have someone bring dad to the airport. Like we are incapable of doing that. and I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but it still hurts. It is petty and childish but it still hurts. Yesterday my friend told me to read Psalms 3, when I told her about my issues. I thought oh great something to make me feel convicted and bad about my bad thoughts, so I put it off until this morning, so here it is in The Message version.

Psalm 3 The Message (MSG)

3 1-2 God! Look! Enemies past counting!

Enemies sprouting like mushrooms,

Mobs of them all around me, roaring their mockery:

“Hah! No help for him from God!”

3-4 But you, God, shield me on all sides;

You ground my feet, you lift my head high;

With all my might I shout up to God,

His answers thunder from the holy mountain.

5-6 I stretch myself out. I sleep.

Then I’m up again—rested, tall and steady,

Fearless before the enemy mobs

Coming at me from all sides.

7 Up, God! My God, help me!

Slap their faces,

First this cheek, then the other,

Your fist hard in their teeth!

8 Real help comes from God.

Your blessing clothes your people!

Now that is a word I can stand on. verses 3 and 4 are a promise I will take to heart. My God, You shield me on all sides, You ground me and lift my head high, 

I can hold my head high knowing God has my back. Not that I want my brother smotted or anything, OK a little smotting is OK. I can hold my head up knowing I don't have to be hurt or angry anymore. I will be thankful for my husband and children, for my aunt and cousins and my dear friends who will be there and for my brother Jim who I think may show up. I will hold my head high and carry on. 

So off to tiling my kitchen and cleaning for my amazing annual Thanksgiving extravaganza and birthday party.

May you be blessed today beyond words,

Always

Suszi

For Glory or Grief?

Good morning friends,

I am so fortunate to have amazing friends.

One of the dearest is Nan. She sent me this first Queenism yesterday.

How do we change what we don't like in life, ourselves?

First of all I think we are under the impression if someone else changes how they act then life will be right.

I used to think that way too. NOW I know there is no way you can change anyone. And frankly why would you want too?  We all got stuff, some makes us better, some worse, but it makes us who we are.

You have to choose what it is in your OWN life that you don't like and change it, and that in truth may change how others react to us, thus changing the entire situation.

Life isn't about who we are, but who God wants us to be. So are we being a good conduit for Him? Or is there something blocking Him? I know I have many flaws and many things that inhibit growth. I have very little filter on my mouth, there is little I'm afraid to say. I'm manipulative. I'm to trusting. But those flaws can also be turned and used, not changed or taken away but repurposed. My ability to talk, God uses to share here, in public or with a stranger. My manipulatively I use to be a creative parent, and it makes me tenacious about my business, I'm not easily swayed. My trust is something that helps me and hurts me, I trust and love ferociously and yes it gets me hurt, but also opens doors to help others who need love. I don't say these things to pump up my ego, but to help you understand God can use those things we hate about ourselves or are afraid to show, can be used by God to further His kingdom,

He takes the things and makes them new, uses them for good and not evil. If there are things in your life that steer you wrong, well they wont change themselves, you have to make a conscience choice to change them. Like when we were kids and had to change the TV channel, we had to get up to do it. At my house you had to get up walk to the TV turn 2 knobs adjust the rabbit ears, carefully walk back to the couch and stomp on the floor to make the one of three channels come in. We had to put forth effort. Not unlike looking for the remote for 20 minutes. God could make us perfect, but what fun would that be? If I wasn't loud or tenacious I would be boring. Each of us is unique and have strengths and weaknesses, how can we use them for Glory and not grief? Do we build or destroy? Ask God today what new can He use in us for His purpose? What weaknesses or faults or flaws can be turned to strengths and beauty? The very thing we hate about ourselves, is most likely the very thing God needs to touch the world. Kinda like my bad grammar. hehe

I guess the most important truth I want you to see is that life isn't going to change itself. YOU Have to decide if you will be used for Glory or Grief. 

What will it be today?

Be blessed today

Always

Suszi

Honoring Change

Good morning friends,

Today is a new day thank God. Yesterday was awful. My Chrissy did everything you can imagine, if it could it did go wrong, ie. a bucket of water on the floor, wrote on the walls, talked back... Needless to say it was a long day and it was also the perfect example of why I don't keep alcohol in the house. It is days like that I have a hard time figuring out why God blessed us with her. I know of course, because she needed love and consistency, but I still wonder. I always let my temper get the best of me. Yesterday was better, but still pushed me to my limits. It is hard raising children in society today, but harder yet to raise damaged ones. 

I am often told how wonderful we are to have taken them, but I don't feel wonderful sometimes. I think as parents we all have hard times. I have 3 children with 3 very strong personalities. I see moms with 5 or 6 kids who are content to walk along with them, mine not so much. One would fly or paint or create her way at her own pace, one who would complain but show enormous strength in crisis, and a little boy who never walked, he ran, but has enormous compassion and love. All three strong, independent and I wouldn't change for the world. The only thing I ever wanted to be, was a mother. Oh I had plans...Fashion designer, missionary and world traveler. Well here  I am a mother, never left this Continent, and although I do design work, it isn't on a runway in Paris. Life has a funny way of working. And I don't look at those things as failure, but as a different direction. Change is not failure. I know I get so upset or stressed, but God knows my heart. He knows my life is all about the kids. It is really all I ever needed to do with my life. Maybe someday I will see the leaning tower of Piza, or the Mona Lisa or the castles of Ireland. But if I don't that is OK too, because I have had to opportunity to raise 3 amazing children. An honor. My name will never be in lights during fashion week, but it is on the love notes I get from an amazing little boy.  I may never see the art at the Louver in Paris, but the pictures I get from a little girl as her coloring slowly deteriorates are priceless to me.  The pride I feel over my eldest starting a life and making her own family, my greatest achievement. You see life may never turn out as planned but, sometimes God's plan is so much more important than ours,

So today as my perspective is brought more into focus on what God wants and less on what I want, I thank Him for these amazing gifts all three of them, and pray I do as well as I can to honor Him in their raising.

So I hope today you can find ways to honor Him in what are changes in our agendas.

Be blessed today

Always

Suszi

Bringing one

Good morning Friends,

I have had several people tell me lately they love my writing because it is so real.

Well let me tell you about the writing I do.

It is straight from my heart, God inspired. You see I write during my coffee time in the morning, and if you know me there is no brain activity before coffee. It is also written in the midst of chaos. I sit in my favorite spot "MY CHAIR" (said with heavenly music playing and sparkles all over). My hair sticking up and my middle child talking incessantly or cleaning around me, or the people who work in our house doing their job with her. Not quiet and peaceful at all. That is how I know it is by God, because in my crazy wonky world only He can talk through the noise and have it be readable for you. I write my words to touch one person. Let me explain. If my words touch just one, and it shows them the awesomeness that is God, I have done what I was called to do. I do not write for the masses. It may not be someone in my lifetime even, maybe a great descendant of mine who is looking for answers. I heard a story once about an evangelist who was having a tent meeting. One night no one came. The tent had him and the pianist and one older person and 3 little boys. (I think, those details are sketchy but unimportant) The fact was that this huge tent only had a few and instead of saying "you know lets cancel since no one came", He preached as though the tent was packed, He gave the sermon he had for many to a few. He listened to Gods heart and showed it to those there. He even did an alter call. Well that night a little boy came forward and got saved. His name was Billy Graham. So can you imagine what the world would be today if that traveling preacher had said "Not enough people here to preach too" and left? Millions of lives have been saved and brought to God because that one unnamed man listened to God and said even if I touch one life it is worth it all. My mom lived by that same thought too, although she touched many, she said if just one comes to God, her life was worth living. You see it isn't about the car or house, the degrees or balance in your accounts. It is all about touching one. Being Jesus with skin on to one. One life changed, one soul saved, Heaven to one. If we all lived our lives to save one it would be no time and the world would all be saved. That one could be who God will use to bring tens of thousands to Him. One word or gesture of love to someone may mean the difference in Heaven of Hell to someone. So lets open our hearts and lives to being about the business of "Bringing One". 

Be blessed today

Always

Suszi

Miracles and wonder

Good morning friends,

Ok on the quest to get my joy back I failed miserably yesterday with my kids. I tried. But when you go into a store and your daughter sees a name tag and feels the need to introduce herself to them and try to become their best friend and starts giggling uncontrollably and talking loudly, you can't get out of the store fast enough. Or 5 minutes later were getting her brother and she has to go on and on about a snake until her brother gets mad and hits her, after I tell her 10 times to be quiet, oh and this happened in front of the therapist. ok that is 10 minutes of a very long day yesterday. Today I start again.

Anyway I dygress.

And once again my thoughts are totally gone because I was just handed a plate of wet eggs. Don't even try to visualize it is really gross. 

I have been thinking and that is scarey I know. Have you ever met someone who has no imagination? Someone who has lost all sense of wonder? 

They live in cold hard reality and there just isn't room for fantasy.

I have and it is very sad. I think we all need to have a little "magic" in our lives. Like believing fairies exsist or looking for animals in the clouds. I think if we lose that, life becomes very dull.

I believe God gave us imaginations as a gift. that sense of wonder. An ability to look harder at little things.

To see His glory in the tiny details. To believe He is bigger than everything. But that He is equally amazing in the small. He cares for us no matter our circumstances or stature. He is so present in the tiny, He hears those weak crys through sobs, when you can only wisper His name, He hears. 

That is why we can worship Him in many ways. Yes prayer and worship are important, but there are so many ways to honor Him. He has given me many gifts and I try to honor Him always, but I also have many faults. In those faults he can quietly remind me to be calm and breath. He sees what makes me upset or hurt and calms me. He cares that I hurt or become frusterated and frazzled. As much as He loves us in happy times, He loves us that much more in bad. No latter how small we feel, He makes us great.

We maybe cannot control curcumstances in our lives but, we can control how we see things.

How we react to things.

Pray today WITH me for peace and a clear mind to not react to things, but to give them to God.

In Him we will see miracles and wonder.

Be blessed today
Always
Suszi

You Raise Me Up 

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up... To more than I can be..

Good morning friends,

This is my favorite song. It is amazing how it lifts my spirits.

Gives me strength and wipes away all hopelessness in my life.

It is wonderful how simple words can change a mood or make you reflect on a situation or remind us of a crazy adventure in the past (hair bands from the 80's).

The line about being strong when I am on your shoulders, strikes me hard, because not only is He carrying us, but were held tall and secure so we can see better. Like the father that holds his child at a parade on his shoulders so they can see. Not only is He holding, but holding us for all the world to see.He raises us up to more than we can be. Such power and strength. He holds us. places us high, gives us strength and fills our loves with wonder. 

It is really hard to feel down and sad through these words.

Almost like putting on armor to protect ourselves knowing He is holding us and we can face anything the world throws at us, He has us safely and securely.

On this new journey to find where my sparkle went, I am learning I need lots of strength. In the place of joy is now anger, discontent and grouchiness. These are hard habits to break. it is so easy to get mad and yell, but to react humbly and contrite, with love and a soft voice is so hard these days. I know I should and I know how, but the rut I am in is not an easy one to dig my way out of.

I need to surround myself with the things that make me happy.

to stop allowing the negative to over shadow the kindness. I tell my kids to be kind and yet I show very little myself to them. I do not like this person I have been lately and I strive to change. Knowing God is holding me high, with grace and love is what spurs me to be strong and find joy and peace. To raise these children in Him with that same joy. To minister to others about these changes and be an example of His mercy and love.

One step at a time, one moment at a time, choosing my words to build and not destroy.

Is there something God wants you to overcome? Do you need His strength? All you need do is ask.

Be blessed today

Always

Suszi

Passion - it only takes a spark to get a fire going

Good morning friends,

The past few days I have been thinking of passion. 

Wiki defines it as

Passion (from the Latin verb patere meaning to suffer) is a term applied to a very strong feeling about a person or thing. Passion is an intense emotion, compelling enthusiasm or desire for anything. 

This morning my friend Randy Christensen posted this quote he was pondering and it really suddenly made sense. 

 "In our moments of enjoyment we feel as if we could do anything. And in our times of temptation and discouragement, we think we can do nothing. And both ideas are wrong." - From Fenelon

It suddenly became clear, my thoughts that is. Passion is what we feel in good and bad times, ups and down. A knowing in our knower (Ron Meyer) that God is true no matter the circumstances. He knows the good, the bad  and the ugly. I feel like I lost that passion or my sparkle a long time ago. Well I didn't lose it, it was stolen from me and now I am on a quest to find it again. I took it for granted cause times were always up and happy, but these times of deep darkness the past few years have made it hard to find that spark again. 

The other day we were walking down the street and I burst into song, (not uncommon) but singing the old song, "It only takes a spark to get a fire going and soon all those around, will warm up in it's glowing"

I don't have to get all the fiery passion back into my life at once, but every fire starts with a spark. one tiny little insignificant ember and it can cause acres to burn. That is how I want to be, That raging fire, someone that sparkles and shines no matter the ups or the downs. I understand this quote cause as women when we have a great hair day and our clothes fit perfect and we know we look amazing, we do have more confidence, but days where our ponytail is messy and there are peanut butter on our shirts and we are two days over on needing a shower, we barely feel like we can function much less change the world. Something I have learned though is God can use us no matter the state were in. Through His grace and mercy we are new every morning. We need to learn to ride the waves in life, don't let them pound us until we are to weak to swim, but relax and let them take us. Rise and fall and rest assured God has got you. He is our life preserver and rescuer. Being ready when He says "GO" and not worrying about what or who our circumstances are. Taking the Passion for Him and walking it out. 

I am so fortunate I finally figured out the job of my dreams. I love entertaining people and it allows me to literally touch so many lives. I have to get in peoples bubble and they are nervous at first but once in my care I can speak life to them. maybe not a sermon but a loving touch, a smile or joke, a tender stroke is all they may need. This weekend I had a little girl who had just been adopted, and she was wiggly for everyone, but once she was in my chair and I softly touched her and she relaxed she was like a rag doll, completely relaxed to the point I had to hold her head up, she nearly fell asleep. Isn't that how we should be with God? pliable, so relaxed in Him that the craziness around just melts away and He reigns supreme. 

Passion is that spark, what makes us who He wants us to be, no matter the circumstances. The ability to be used and guided by His hand in such a way, only He is in control. Riding the waves knowing He will protect and save us no matter what. Being used no matter how we feel or look. He is able and WILL because He promised us these things.

It only takes a spark, now if I can rub these sticks together fast enough 

I CAN and WILL get a fire going. (Never mind God has matches)

Be blessed today

Suszi

Fresh insight

Good morning friends,

WOW what a whirlwind weekend. I painted so much I could barely raise my arm.

I met some amazing people and really pushed myself creatively. I didn't think I would be busy, but turned out I was. I worked Thursday at an assisted living and it was so fun, painting people who are in their 90's and showed it is never to late or your never to old to have fun. Friday I did a Darth maul which I had no idea how it would work, but it turned out amazing, I have a hard time stepping out into the unknown sometimes but I proved to myself, it was worth it. I think the most amazing thing I saw was the look in my husbands eyes. When he go to home and I was gluing horns to a strange man, he was a bit skeptical, but by the time I finished he was in awe. He rarely shows tons of emotion, usually I get "oh that is nice" but I actually got an "awesome" "unbelievable" and more than once. He also got to see me in action last week with a line of tons of kids. I think he has a new appreciation for my work which means a lot to me.

I think over time we grow so accustomed to things in each other, or take each other for granted. I love that after 25 years we can still surprise one another. We are able to find something we thought was unattainable. a newness to life. A fresh look at each other. 

I think in time we all grow stale and kinda blah with each other. predictable. mundane.

It is so important to show each other more or a fresh perspective of ourselves. 

OK sorry my train of thought totally derailed...a phone call and my son watching the LEGO movie constantly singing "everything is awesome" and my mind is kaput. hehehe

I guess the theme is "Don't forget to try new things and surprise each other each day"

Be blessed today

Always 

Suszi

Stay this Way

                                                                   

                                                                     "Stay This Way"

Are you right in a place where you don't want to be?
Got your heart in the hands of an enemy?
I promise you,
I've been there, I've been there, too.

Have you tried but you failed to begin again?
And you feel like a slave to the cycle you are in?
I've been there, I've been there too

Listen to the words I say
You don't have to stay this way

Just because you're broken
Doesn't mean you're hopeless
Go ahead and turn the page
Don't be afraid of better days
Put the past behind you
Grace has redefined you
You don't have to stay this way

You can stand with your head held high my friend
'Cause the God of creation has made you innocent
I promise, I promise, that you are new

Good Morning friends,

I heard this song today By Jason Castro.

I have been thinking a lot about wether or not my disease defines who I am.

It says how I feel but, is it who I AM?

And what if I let it define me and I get better?

I believe in healing and miracles, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God can heal me,

It isn't a matter of faith.

It is a matter of when. God maybe doesn't cause illness. I am not enough of a theologian to understand all that, but I do know He loves us too much to hurt us. So even though I don't believe He hurts us, I believe He allows those things to happen to teach us or cause a response. In my case God had been saying  "Sit down and listen". I don't listen to well. He literally had to make me so sick I couldn't do anything.

So here I sit. Listening to God. I have a way of giving God ultimatums. Like if you want me off caffine you are going to have to come down from Heaven and rip it out of my hands. WELL, you should NEVER do that to God. Im now allergic to chocolate, and cannot even eat a chocolate chip. Or if you want me to sit down and rest your going to have to... . You would think by now I would not do that anymore, well...

reguardless, what I believe I am trying to say is that No situation is perfect, or permanent. God knows what He is doing, and Change is NOT failure. Somehow you need to say "ENOUGH, I WILL NOT BE LIKE THIS ANYMORE".  If you don't like how the story ends, change the story. I will not be sick like this forever. I will not be debilitated forever. I WILL go into remission and be my self again. 

THIS DISEASE IS NOT WHO I AM!!!

Life is to short to allow something, anything to define who you are.

Other than God.

But I believe that the choises we make are not permanent.

They may change our situation but not who "WE ARE".

I may have to sit and sleep in this stupidly amazing chair, and it may hurt to take a step. 

This is NOT where I will be forever. someday I will move and work like im used too.

We are new every morning. 

We are blessed beyond measure.

Stop whining Sue and change. (thats me talking to me)

Do one thing today, even if it is small, because that is all I can do.

But I will make that happen no matter how small it is.

Life is to short, the final chapeter is not written.

SO whatever your going through, physical, mental or spiritual, 

"This to shall pass."

SO put your big girl pnties on, rain boots and grab a snack cause this ride just go a whole lot funnier, and we will overcome this day and we will PREVAIL.

Be blessed today

Always 

Suszi

Treasured trash

Good morning friends,

I have my mind on reusing the old to make new.

Maybe cause I am a picker and love junk.

I love taking something ugly or unwanted and making it lovely.

So many people come to my house and say wow I never would have thought of doing that.

Trash into treasure.

Isn't that what God does to us?

We are essentially garbage, full of sin and pain. Worth nothing to so many.

To God though, we are a priceless treasure. 

He looks to that old patina, cracked paint and split wood to see the treasure beneath.

Sometimes that age and wear and tear are what make it valuable.

How often do we look past something that is "ugly" so quickly.

If it was shiny and beautiful you would say "Oh, that is stunning" but,crusty and worn it doesn't have a WOW factor, so we deem it less valuable.

Is that really how God sees us? or does He even see the exterior? I really think He just looks at the heart. 

Kinda like an inferred map, it shows where people are by body heat. I think God kinda sees us that way, as more of colors that show how "Hot" we are and less about our appearance.

I think many times we don't even have to "tell" people you love Jesus, but if your heart is so in love with Him and your life shows it you don't even have to "witness" I think that your life speaks loud and clear.

I have had people say "sorry" I acted that way to me, and I had never said anything to them.

When I was little I had a shirt that said "God don't make junk".

That was probably a premonition of things to come. 

No matter what we think of ourselves, God sees value. He will pull you out of the refuse pile, and clean you up and show the world your worth. 

As with many things the nicks and scars need to show, to show the age, and those are what tells the story.

So are you someone who can look past the refuse and dirt? maybe the smell and grime to see the worth?

The homeless man who may be a genius. Or the dirty child who is bouncing off the walls. Can we look past the obvious? Can we see value? Worth?

Can we see it in ourselves? Does God see your value? 

He sees your worth.

He sees your value.

He bought you in the condition you were in.

He looks past the filth and unattractiveness.

Past the exterior and only sees the heart of the matter.

He loves us reguardless of what we have done or are.

He loves us. period.

Values us.

We are worth it.

Valuable.

Be blessed today

Always 

Suszi

God use me

Hello friends,

Do you ever feel like you life is hopeless? or that you cannot measure up?

Or no matter what you do your failing? 

This week I had the opportunity to talk to someone who didn't care whether she went to Heaven or Hell.

I got to share my heart with her, sitting in my chair, so sick I couldnt even walk. God brought her to me.

I didn;t have a formula or read the right verses and I'm  sure had a pastor or theologian been there they would have corrected me. When the conversation started all I prayed and thought was "Here we go, help me have the words and speak your heart Jesus." We didn't talk about how you need to have these 6 things to get into heaven. We talked about life, How it sucks and is hard, and confusing and how our guilt over not being able to follow the rules is going to get us a one way ticket to hell. God softly reminded me so I could tell her that He dosen't care if we have a ministry, pray 3 times a day, wear the right clothes, or say the right words. He wants us to love Him. Period. It isnt hard. He loves us regardless and unconditionally. I drink and swear, yell at my kids, hate my husband at times, I get angry and frustrated. He doesn't care. I try to hold myself to a certain "Christian" standard. But I am who I am. I never want people to think me a hypocrite or a fool. Inn the past few years as God has taken me on this journey, I have felt pain deeper, loss more profoundly, and no joy at all. The one word I have stood on is "There may be pain in the night, but the joy come in the morning." Im still waiting for that morning, God loves me. The physical pain is unbearable and the drugs are worse. The loss and deep gaping hole where my mom should be hurts so fresh daily. The fear of the future, Feeling worthless because I cannot serve or cannot give to God, frustration knowing the kids I raise are molded by the words I say and my actions and not being able to get through a day without failing so profoundly, 

You see I am a raggamuffin. unwashed, bearfoot, weeping, dirty hurting soul. I cry to God to help and know He will. But is it to little to late? Have I spent my life wrong? What is the point? I look at the outlook I have right now and I can barley walk who in the heck is He going to use me to do anything? He shows me dreams and visions of things I dont understand. He is setting a path I don't have the energy or stamina to even begin to walk. But yet He uses me right in the chair I occupy 20 hours a day or more. uses my brokenness, and mental instability, despite myself. I share with you if the pain isn't to bad and He gives me the words to say. But why? why me? Im fat and angry and lonely and hurting. How is it He can use me. I stumble around and I cannot articulate well but He says write. So I do. I am not a writer. I am a typer and not a good one. He uses me anyway, Am I hypocrite? some may say yes. But I don't profess to be anything I am not. I am so far from the mark I rarely see the target. But He uses me. I don't read the word daily, I know is should, but I do meditate on the Word I have memorized half at least of the Old and nearly all of the new testament. I learned these words as a child and I still today lean on them. I am tormented with thoughts and feelings, God uses me. I take so many medications just to live but God uses me. I suffer from dark depression and feelings of hopelessness but God uses me. I am nothing, and nobody but God uses me.

I used to dance and laugh and sing, but I don't anymore. God uses me. I cry for peace for the pain to stop. God uses me. I am uneducated and unkempt most of the time and God uses me. I have little hope for the future and regrets of the past, God uses me, I lay awake all night wondering what next God? He uses me.

I try and attempt to raise 2 children who arnt biologically mine and wonder "What were you thinking God?" I'm a mess how can I do this without messing them totally up? God uses me,

Most times I feel like a colossal joke. God uses me. 

Being broken allows you to see the broken.  Being hurt makes you feel the others hurt.

Being angry and frustrated allows you to understand anger and frustration.

God use me. Use me everyday. I'm the muck and mire. In the times of low as well as high. Use my words, my heart to touch someone for you. If I cannot go out You bring them to me. Let My hands be yours. let my footsteps be yours. let me glorify you in my words and my typing, No longer do I want to sit and not be used. God use me. Make me so used my you and consumed by your grace. God use me,

Amen

Always

Suszi 

Love is not a feeling, it is a choice.

Good morning friends,

Well today marks a pretty special day. It is our 25th wedding anniversary.

WOW I never thought I would love this long much less be married this long hehee.

I would love to say it has been 25 wonderful and blissful years. UMM NO, reality is it has been about 8 wonderful years, not in a row either. One day at a time. But I guess that is what marriage is all about, not bliss but contentment. I went into our marriage with quite a different outlook then I have today. There was noway I would ever be submissive, I didn't care what the Bible said. If I wasn't happy I could just leave. It is just a piece of paper and a ring, it doesn't mean much. BOY was I wrong.First of all I married above my class. A well to do upper middle class boy from the suburbs, who went to country clubs and a private college. I was a poor lower class country girl, who was so hillbilly she didn't know what salad tongs were. Yes, really. Apparently God knew what He was doing though. Later we both figured out we were both at the point where we were sick of just dating and wanted a something lasting. We were so young, Dave was 21 and I was 18, just months out of High School. Dave and I met in April of 1989, started dating May 18th, 89, were engaged by July 14th, 89 and married October 21, 89. My mom always said our wedding was truly ordained by God because every step was easy and fell into place. The church, venue, caterer, etc... all had the date we wanted open. That never happens. So October 21, 1989 with 500 of our friends and family we were joined. People ask how we managed to stay together, well I have no idea other then God. I married a Grudem, they are very stubborn, Scandinavian,oldest child, don't show your feelings, private man. I am and Irish hillbilly that never kept a secret her whole life, that never backed down, and would tell you exactly what she thought you should do, youngest child. Well in hind sight, being on meds sooner would have made a ton of difference, and the fact that both of us are stubborn, and the fact that we kept God a part of it, is why we are together a quarter of a century later. Not without major bumps and detours in life, mistakes and hardships, we endured so much together that now I cannot imagine doing it alone. People ask us now if we ever thought about divorce? Well right away we decided it was not something we would even say. One time I left and gave Dave the biggest list of ultimatums and knew he would never do any of it so I guess we were done. Within 2 weeks he had done ALL of the list items and then some and I knew, if he would go so far out of his comfort zone, to adhere to my many requests, he was worth another chance. Our marriage I would love to say was based in a loving, sweet, smoochy, unconditional love. It has not and is not. It Has been Hard, trying, frustrating and painful and I would not change one minute of it, because THAT is what makes us grow strong and solid. So many times I thought I cannot handle this "MAN" anymore and God would gently remind me of the reasons we were together. Most times by playing "Our Song" Cross my heart - by George Strait. 

Our love was unconditional
We knew it from the start
I see it in your eyes
You could feel it from my heart

From here on after
Let's stay the way we where
And share all the love and laughter
That a lifetime will allow

I cross my heart
And promise to
Give all I've got to give
To make all your dreams come true

In all the world
You'll never find
A love as true as mine

You will always be the miracle
That makes my life complete
And as long as there's still breath in me
I'll make yours just as sweet

As we look into the future
It's as far as we can see
So let's make each tomorrow
Be the best that it can be

I cross my heart
And promise to
Give all I've got to give
To make all your dreams come true

In all the world
You'll never find
A love as true as mine

And if along the way we find a day
It starts to storm
You've got the promise of my love
To keep you warm

In all the world
You'll never find
A love as true as mine

It is a testament to endurance, and learning that although we are so very different, and no matter the craziness of life, or the sickness or poverty, the pain and rejection. Staying together, through it all, toughing it out and learning to laugh is not the easiest option, but it is the right one. The main and only way we have stayed together is the simple fact we HAVE to have God the center. No matter what and no matter if we feel like it, we with God will not give up. NO MATTER WHAT!!! 

Love is not a feeling, it is a choice. 

Have a blessed day

Always

Suszi

Off the beaten path, He cares

                                  Good Morning friends,

 I was thinking I wouldn't write today, but I guess God has other plans. I didn't sleep last night, the joy of this illness is that if I have pain and take pain meds. I cannot sleep, if I grin and bear it, I cannot sleep. So therefore my day is starting out pretty groggy, and a little grouchy.

I know we all have down times, I seem to have many lately, but my prayer and hope are that one day life will be joy filled again, everyday. I pray and trust it will be so. This journey is like a National Lampoons vacation gone wrong. That is  very wrong. I need to learn to find joy where I am. in the minuet things so the joy can gain a foothold and take root again. I think part of my bleakness I'm feeling is the fact that winter is coming. Some of you may not understand, but here winter begins about the first part of November (if were lucky) and lasts til April. It is bitter cold, windy and very snowy. The past few years have been particularly hard. I can generally  keep busy but cabin fever sets in and you wonder why you live in this frozen tundra. I dream of moving to the South. As do many of my fellow Minnesotans. We have already seen snow this year, just a few flakes but it is coming. I hate going out in it and I hate how if affects my body. This journey I am on right now is surely unmapped and unplanned, but somehow and somewhere you got to trust that the outcome or end destination will amaze us.Sometimes I like to take shortcuts, or scenic byways. I am usually alone and I just start heading the direction I need to go, and drive. I always end up at my destination. Sometimes later then I had hoped but there none the less. On these little journeys, I have seen beauty, and amazing beauty. I am often amazed that God can make something so beautiful as nature, and very few people see it, either they don't look or don't care, regardless He still makes it splendid. I think we tend to think well if no one is going to see it, why spend so much time on it. God does it differently. He makes the flower far back in the woods off the path just as beautiful as the ones we see in the store. I often think of these times as moments of God's unconditional love. He in his vast wonder created a flower that only I would ever see. Or a flock of birds in the air will dance to a silent song, He wrote for only me. The way a leaf falls, in bright colors. The way an eagle soars.The beauty in a single snowflake. The sound of children laughing. All gifts, all often overlooked, or ignored because we are sooo busy. Is it so very hard to just stop for 30 seconds and remember the wonder of life? to pull over and watch the sunset, to breath in the moist air of Fall. ALL of us has those options but do we choose or spend so much time, going going goooooing, we forget? We pray "God, do you love me?" and feel His answer is no, or He isn't talking to us. He is. In quiet moments. Trips off the beaten path. Brilliant sunsets. The smell of the air. Those are Hugs and reassurances He is with us. He loves us. He cares so much, He gives us what we need but also sooo much more, if we only stop to see.

Be blessed today

Always

Suszi

Bad attitudes and overcoming.

Good Morning Friends,

Today I am in a real melancholy mood. So my hope is to lift your spirits  while lifting my own,

I have spent the past few days mad at my husband for stupid little stuff, and our anniversary is soon coming. 

My children once again proved to me yesterday why I do NOT take them in public by myself.

I had weird bad dreams all night. I woke up surly. But on a good note I Finally got the chin hair plucked that had been eluding me forever.

My body today is in control, hundreds of boils, lesions and sores, exhaustion and pain. I am so looking forward to the day I can say "Victory is MINE" but until that day comes I take solice in knowing God is in control. This to shall pass. I hope.

"If it doesn't kill you, it will make you stronger." Is something my mom always said. and I believe that, but in the midst of the pain and frustration, it is so hard to see beyond that and look to tomorrow.

I often think about when I stand in front of God on judgement day. I am in so much trouble. I do and think so many things wrong, I cant imagine what God is thinking. I understand grace and things like that but I know He is going to have a few things to say to me, that's for sure. I know He and my guardian angels face palm their heads daily. I know I fall short and come up lacking most of the time. I am trying though, and pray for grace and peace. We all make mistakes and fail. Life is to short to worry and fret over every mistake. I know I am not the ideal wife, but I have been with the same man for 25 years and I am proud of that. I am not a great mom, but I'm trying and that says a lot.  I guess my biggest frustration with life is right now is the fact that I hate change. I hate doing nothing, or getting so tired if I do I have to rest for 2 days. I hate sitting and not going. I hate having my body dictate my every action. , I know, I know God has a plan, but I'm really a fast learner, I get it. I am also not to patient.  I love that song "Overcomer"

Staring at a stop sign
Watching people drive by
T mac on the radio
Got so much on your mind
Nothing's really going right
Looking for a ray of hope

Whatever it is you may be going through
I know he's not gonna let it get the best of you

You're an overcomer
Stay in the fight 'til the final round
You're not going under
'Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it's hopeless
That's when he reminds you
That you're an overcomer
You're an overcomer

Everybody's been down
Hit the bottom, hit the ground
Ooh, You're not alone
Just take a breath, don't forget
Hang on to his promises
He wants you to know

You're an overcomer
Stay in the fight 'til the final round
You're not going under
'Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it's hopeless
That's when he reminds you
That you're an overcomer
You're an overcomer

The same man, the great I am
The one who overcame death
Is living inside of you
So just hold tight, fix your eyes
On the one who holds your life
There's nothing he can't do
He's telling you

You're an overcomer
Stay in the fight 'til the final round
You're not going under
'Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it's hopeless
That's when he reminds you
That you're an overcomer
You're an overcomer

You're an overcomer
You're an overcomer

See don't quit, don't give in
You're an overcomer

Don't quit, don't give in
You're an overcomer

Don't quit, don't give in
You're an overcomer

You're an overcomer

I guess we all have days, we have to overcome. Lies, trials and pain, we have to overcome.

I think we either overcome or we are undone. There is little choice in the matter. I cannot imagine not having that hope. Not having God who gives hope. 

Do you need hope today? 

It is actually so easy to find,

Just a short prayer away.

Believe me I pray for it often.

Be blessed today.

Always

Suszi