Brick walls and flower gardens

Hello Friends

This is not my normal routine but yet here I am.

Midday in a coffee house writing. usually I am barely awake and on my first cup of coffee, so God is able to move in my mind without much fight. But I will just have to open up and let Him flow the best he is able through the muddle of my distracted mind today.

Today is a day of miracles for me, not because one happened yet or because I'm praying for one. I have prayed as well as many others and this is the day it has to happen. The day when the rubber meets the road and the huge wall in my way just needs to crumble before us, because I am tired of climbing and struggling and hitting my head trying to break it under my own strength. Today God can make the wall fall or He can make a way for the waiting to go longer. He is God.  

The thing this week in my reading and praying and study and Church has been about me. Not LOOK AT ME I'M GREAT. But God knows me!!! He created me. He formed me. He knows my flaws & strengths. He knows I'm loud and unruly and irreverent. I have been told I have a ROBUST personality. I guess that's true but God created me to be ME, this broken, loved, flawed, robust person. He knew before time there would be Me. He also knew exactly how He would use those flaws and robustness for His glory. 

There is no other me for Him to use and although I have no idea what that entails, 

Here I am use me Lord!!!

Sometimes the whole scope of it is so vast to even fathom.

So many able bodied and Godly people and He wants to use me.

Humbled

Who am I lord?

I can't even get through this very day and this huge brick wall in my way.

How do I touch anyone for You?

Maybe if you move this wall God, then i can do your will? what if He doesn't?

My nails and knuckles are bloody and sore and my knees ache and forehead bruised and scabbed and bleeding trying to make His will (Wall) go in my time.

I'm to impatient to wait on him! Yet nothing to do but wait.

I DECLARE A MIRACLE!!!

Can I even do that or is that egotistical? or Faith?

I have seen amazing miracles, angels, been healed and seen lame walk and blind see.

 And yet I doubt ? 

I'm so insignificant in the vastness of the universe.

Yet here I sit in a room of hurting people acting happy.

People with no hope or reason to go on. and God set me right here.

I have already told several people about the greatness of Gods mercy.

How He supplies all my needs. How simple acts of caring show His love.

are those insignificant to God?

the faith of a mustard seed? the size of my faith feels small even if I have seen great things.

God can use one word to change or create anything.

So my tired faith and impatience can be used to glorify Him?

I hope so, because I think the little I give, He will multiply!!!

A little seed has only one job.

GROW

So my faith can grow as well as my ability to be used by Him.

He has now planted me in a new pot.

A new home.

A virtual garden for planting seeds and cultivating life.

An apartment complex full to the rim with people who need God.

No my art supplies do not fit, but my Bible does and that is far more important.

So today I lean against that wall and pray for those around me that need YOU LORD!!

I use the wall for support not for blocking!

I paint the wall and plant flowers so it is beautiful.

I glorify you regardless if the wall moves today or in a year.

Your provision will supply all my needs and in YOUR time I wont notice the wall is even gone because I am so lost in Your glory I didn't notice it vanished.

Today I garden and plant, in others and in myself a new faith and a new hope

to make this situation lovely no matter the outcome.

Plant

Water 

Grow

Be Blessed

Always

Suszi

Thankful for unusual reasons.

Good morning friends,

Today I am thankful once again for so very much.

I am thankful for all the normal things family, friends etc...

But for different reasons then most.

My family: 

Dave (my EX) when I decided our time together was done he was in agreement and had enough integrity and grace, to not only make the process easy and being a testimony of Gods love, but also letting me and my husband live here to get on our feet, even though it was a burden for him and I appreciate him a great deal and love him for all his great attitude and grace. 

Helena, Who is such a great mommy, to my beautiful grandson Soren, I adore her and the woman she has become. I was so hard on her as a child, firm and strict. overbearing. I was young and she was willful. But despite me and moving her every year and many schools, and many changes, broken hearts, joyful parties, She rose to the challenge of mothering and wifeing. (I know that's not a word) 

I watched her change from someone who couldn't decide what to have for lunch to a scheduled and prioritized woman who puts her family first and is inspiring to watch. Those changes were very hard on me because I was always her flood wall by taking the brunt of any challenges that were going to prove hard for her , to not being needed by MY baby anymore. I am so proud of her and Steve and love them very much.

PCAs. The people who care for Christine and me. They are not just people who work here or have worked here (I love them all) but like daughters and friends who are part of our family. They are strong and faithful. I have no idea why they stay because It is a crazy place to work but yet they come and give their best to make sure Chris's needs are met and go above and beyond everyday to help with the chaos which is our life.

Friends. The ones who no longer want me in their lives, because they have taught me forgiveness and grace, to the occasional friends who I know are there but I don't see often but they seem to know when a "Hey , how are ya?" is needed. To the new friends I am making and the people God brings across my path everyday. I need many people in my life but I'm learning they are not my source only God is...

Jeremiah, (Ian's best friend) He is a wonderful man of God who yes is not 9, But is like a big brother to Ian and can play zombie attack or dress up and play pirates. Being young he has the energy none of Ian's parents have to do those things. He is encouraging to Ian and listens to him and cares for him.

He comes when Ian calls and is a support he so much needs. We love you Jeremiah

I have so many things and people I could thank by name, but today these are the ones God has on my heart. These are life lessons and proud moments people. People who God uses daily to teach me what real Godliness is all about.

Who are those your thankful today? 

Maybe today is a good time to thank them for being there ?

Have a blessed day

Always

Suszi

Put down the Duckie and thank God

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.

Good Morning friends,

I am so excited my favorite holiday is on its way!!!

This year is different but good! I am not hosting which is hard but OK! 

My Family dynamic has changed, .but that is good.too

An amazing husband, and a great ex husband!

crazy but wonderful kids!

The most amazing grandson in the world.

A new Church family 

New friends

people who love me

But most of all a relationship with Christ.

He is all that sustains me most days, even when I don't have the power to pray.

When I am down to nothing, God is up to something!!!

As thankful as I am I still have issues and pain. But knowing what I have and praising God for the blessings He has given me, make me grateful and rejoicing in His glory.

Knowing nothing can separate me from the love of God.

He is all I need and all I want.

Keeps me.

 Pain, doubt, worry, anger, loss, 

He has it always, yet we forget and pick up all this and hold onto it so tight.

Those things we want rid of the worst, are the very things we have a hard time setting down!

Why is that? 

We let the bad control us and yet have to work hard to find joy and peace?

Things God lays before us as gifts. Ready and wrapped and addressed to us.

But we let the bad control us and the good lays in wait.

This is a silly analogy but on Sesame Street, Ernie wants to learn to play the saxophone.

But he has to lay down his most precious possession his Duckie.

The song is Put down the Duckie.

I think we often hear God say put down the duckie, or phone, TV, game,friends, food, and so on!

We get amazing rewards when we give it to God. We get to Play for the glory of the King of Kings.

So are there things your thankful for that maybe you put before God?

Or are there things we need to let go of?

Is there pain that holds you captive?

Is there sin we need to repent from?

Are there changes that need to be made?

I know I can answer YES to all of these!

I know what I have to do yet here I sit hanging on to junk!

So today I am going to spend needed time in prayer and start my thanksgiving early giving the bad away to God and rejoicing in the journey.

What can you give to God today?

What are you thankful for?

Let's pray

Have a blessed day

Always

Suszi

Welcome home to change

Hello My friends,

I am back...to life anew...to a closer walk with God...to change.

It has been nearly a year since I have written to you my dear friends and so much has changed.

I divorced and remarried,got a grand baby, changed friends and churches. Suffered loss and great triumph, seen deep sorrow and exploding joy. 

I guess CHANGE is what it boils down to. Change is not bad or good but can be either, but to me it is very hard. The changes in my life are my decision, but that doesn't make them less hard to handle.

When I was young I would go to my aunts house and marvel at how she never rearranged unlike my mom, and I always thought I would be spontaneous and I am not. As I age I am less liking change. 

But through God it is a new adventure. Allowing Him to take control and move me where He chooses make the change exciting and ALWAYS so much better then anything I would have envisioned. He makes ALL things new. He cares for His children more then we can imagine. Our prayers seem pitiful compared to His glory and grace. When I think about the change in my life it seems so small comparatively. God is so vast and I am but a speck. I don't deserve Him or His glory. Yet He made that speck and loves that speck. He died for it. His grace is sufficient for me. 

This vast desert I stumble through with hopelessness and look for a single drop of rain, I carry a heaviness that causes my feet to fumble. The burden nearly to much to bear. But the second I feel I cannot take one more step under my own power and fall to my knees, My eyes see before me an oasis with Jesus holding our his hand to help me up and take my load, then I drink and feast. While I was thirsty and dirty and tired, I forget I am not able under my own power to sustain myself and all I carry. Only when I fall to my knees do I see it is not my burden to carry. 

God is great and worthy of our praise. Maker of Heaven and earth. All powerful and yet gentle.

Most of all He cares for me!!!

He knows me, all those details and flaws. 

He knows what He created and the purpose for that creation.

We can hide nothing from Him and I laugh thinking WHAT WAS HE THINKING?

But regardless here I am loud, unruly hurt, damaged and alive. 

So Jesus use me despite me!!!

Be Blessed this day

Always 

Suszi