A test.

Good morning friends,

You know it is kinda funny how you really think you know someone, and in truth you only understand the surface of a person, but we generally don't let people into our soul our deeper side. Well how do you pray for someone if you don't know what is happening? how do we love if we only see the outside of someone, without knowing the inner most parts of them?

Today Is kinda a test to see how well you know me.

How many of these things can you say I knew that? The more you know the better you know me, and at the end you will all know more of what makes me, me.

1. My last name is hyphenated Ryan-Grudem

2. I was very athletic in High school.

3. I am very sentimental.

4. I want to be an opera singer when I grow up.

5. I have a massive collection of PEZ dispensers.

6. My garage contains the secrets of the universe, or maybe just whatever you could possibly want.

7. Red is my favorite color.

8. My silverware is sorted by size in the drawer

9. I love welding.

10. I hate water

11. I only remember one joke.

12. I love the 1950's

13. I believe in fairies

14. Tom Hanks has always been my favorite actor.

15. I can transform any Transformer you give me.

16. I am allergic to chocolate

17. I have never broken a bone.

19. I HATE bodily fluids of ANY kind.

20. I would have 50 children if I was allowed.

21. I am patriotic to the core

22. I love feet, and massaging them

23. I can sing.

24. I hate purple (one exception the Vikings)

25. I have a block thumb, I can kill plastic plants, really I can

So there you have it a little worthless trivial thinking for the day.

But maybe you know ME a little better.

Be willing to open yourself up to people, because how can you pray, if you don't know the need?

When we are transparent you cannot be accused of lies or deceit, everyone can see through you.

If you are not comfortable (like me) sharing your whole self with the world,

 find one person who you can open up to. 

Learn to trust, love and LIVE.

Be blessed today

Always 

Suszi

Why do people judge a book cover?

 

Good morning friends,

Last night we had a great time with a family from church, it was a very in depth talk about spiritual things, and how people see what they want to see in you and many don't look deeper into the person, and first impressions are not always right especially when you have special needs kids.

In a church setting you meet people either at night, after a long day of struggle with your children, or on Sundays, after a few days of routine imbalance. I have heard from several people in this church that their first impression of me was very wrong. We have been going there about a year and a half. Friends are just coming to realize the craziness that is our life. Yesterday was a fine example, Chris was over stimulated, and showing off all day and Ian was so tired from having got up at 5:30, add 3 more kids to the mix and let the chaos begin. There were tears and fights and lovely and endearing moments. But by this time of day around supper I need a drink or something, but most of the time just trying to enjoy the precious time we have with our kids no matter what is important.

We talked for hours the four of us and it was so great to hear others perspective on different things. How what most people see on the outside or those who say wow that is not a family I want to spend time with, they are crazy. People often miss out on so many opportunities because they judge people so quickly. I am loud and firm and straight forward, I wish I was soft and gentle and meek, but that is not the person God created in me. Many people hear me before they see me, they see my creativity and not my spiritually. I get judged by my cover and not my content. Most people don't know I think very deeply about God and I pray constantly, I have memorized 90% of the new testament and much of the old, I may not be able to quote it but,it is hidden where God brings it out when needed. I am devoted and loyal. I love unconditionally and deeply. I don't say these things because I want accolades but to show my point. A book cover is deceiving. Be careful when you make a choice about someone. Last night our friend explained to me in a way I hadn't heard, that when you meet someone, and you hear or feel or don't like something, instead of looking at that person and saying oh I don't like that about them, but saying "oh why do I feel this?" what is wrong in my heart or life that makes this bug me, what am I doing to make me uncomfortable, what can I change in myself so I am not being judgmental? I know there are lots of people who aren't my friend because they don't look beyond that first impression, and many who were my friends before I got my children and for whatever reason no longer call or have anything to do with us. It is a sad state and I am truly guilty of it too. One of my dearest friends I thought was a space cadet, and now I understand her life and neither of us would have, the friendship we have if we had looked at first impressions.  

My point is this, I cannot judge another without judging myself first, That God created me to be this person, for the purpose He has ordained. Sometimes God needs someone like me to reach people, when a quiet person can't, or a situation that would overwhelm many, He will use someone that is the perfect fit. He uses our past and our vices or previous life to send us to those we can minister to. I think He will use our past and our personality and our insecurities to put us in the places He needs us. He may not send a former alcoholic into a bar to minister, but He can use those things that the Devil meant for pain to HIS glory. I have little fear of people or what people think of me, I am strong and have a pretty tough skin, so He will send me where a loud voice is needed, where my faults are His glory. 

So be the person God created.

Let Him use you to touch who HE sends to you.

Don't be to quick to judge people, we can learn something of ourselves in them.

Be bold and pliable so you can move when He says move.

Be blessed today.

Always

Suszi

A fresh start

Good morning friends,

The past six weeks have been the hardest of my entire life.

And many of you have been along for it all, and for that I thank you.

Today life looks different when I woke up, not because life is bad but, I am excited about a new day.

Have you ever moved or started a new chapter in your life and have been excited about a clean slate?  Or the end of summer and start of a new school year. You are sad because something has ended, but excited about the possibilities to come. Sadness because you will miss your friends, but so excited about moving to a new home, a new life. A fresh start. Today I feel that way. Not sure why but I think I finally got to the point where I can say, I don't hurt although the scars are tender. My tears are all cried. My side has been told and actually listened to. Now all I can do is pick up the scraps of what was, toss them out and start new. With my head held high because the truth holds no bondage. I put the whole thing into God's hands, I DON"T WANT IT BACK. There is something about giving things to God wholly, not kinda letting Him help you with something, but actually letting it go, and not bothering with it anymore. Freedom. Pure clean deep breaths of fresh mountain air, new socks, surprise presents, kind of awe and wonder and new and such comfort and relaxed. That is what today is.  

Have you ever looked outside and noticed it was raining right after you just did your hair? But once you got outside it was a fresh warm spring rain, and it feels so wonderful and you just stand there face to the sky and let it wash over you? Clears the head and washes away the worries of the world. The smell alone screams fresh and new.

Today is a new day. What shall I do with myself? It doesn't really matter as long as I stay with my eyes on Christ, make His agenda my agenda. Take time to listen to what He is saying to me. 

Don't pick back up the baggage I gave to God.

Take a deep breath or six and walk in the newness of the day.

Ask God what he wants you to do today.

What in your life needs letting go of?

A fresh start.

Be blessed

Always

Suszi

Persevere... your choice..

Good morning friends,

Yesterday I was in the car for 10 minutes and God answered my prayer.

I have been praying about all that has happened in the last six weeks, lies, hurt, anger... and I have found joy and peace in all of this, so I prayed what next? I have come this far what is the next step? And there it was on the radio, It started at the exact moment I needed to and heard what God needed me to hear. That shouldn't amaze me but it does that God is so faithful to speak when and where and how He needs to, so He will be heard.

Walk in the Word  with James MacDonald. He is doing a series called Finish line Faith .

1 Corinthians 10:13

New International Version (NIV)

13 No temptation[a] has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted[b] beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted,[c] he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

The first part of this verse, which it so happens is a verse I have gone to many times for the second half of it. Says that "there is no temptation (or curse) that others have not gone through." James M. goes on to say that many people have gone through the same trials we are facing now. BUT we can choose whether we will have victory or defeat in it. Many have been defeated and many have gloriously overcome, the choice is ours. We can choose to let circumstances win and grind us into the ground, OR we can persevere and become the person God intended. You have a bright future, in 2 Timothy it says just that. Perseverance is essential to faith. Faith starts the process, Perseverance gets you going and keeps you going. This is where we will find victory over life and death and all that attacks us from every side. It isn't decided by others or circumstances it is decided by YOU. YOU choose your actions. Will you break and swim around in a pool of woes and pain and just let it soak into you for years even? OR will you persevere and stand up and squash the lies and pain and run in full assurance that God is with you and no matter what others say or do, especially those who are supposed to love you most, YOU WILL OVERCOME.

Do you live in defeat or VICTORY?

We need to choose..

Will I let the lies and hurt win and rule my life?

Will I stand in victory and overcome?

Will I show those who hurt me that "Greater is He that is in me, than he who is in the world"?

We need to get our fight on...as Christians we are told to love, but you can fight in the name of love, and decency and hope and life. 

This is a battle for your soul...and the choice for the victory is all yours.

Perseverance and victory or defeat and pain?

I CHOOSE VICTORY.

TODAY I WILL PERSEVERE!!!!

How about you?

Always

Suszi 

Truth or lies?

Good morning friends,

Today I want nothing to do with revenge, I just want to play in the rain.

I am a strong person. I survive. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

But I can also choose my reaction to those lies.

My pastor in His wisdom keeps telling me. Sin creates bondage and Truth sets us free.

I will live in that truth. I will walk in truth, I will over come in truth.

Right now in my very Godly family, Lies and bondage have a foothold. I see this and only I get to feel the backlash from it. I refuse to live and go along with the lies. I will live in truth.

I now have many who don't want anything to do with me, or they are mad, or just believe the lies.

I WILL LIVE IN TRUTH.

I decided in all this that God is my only anchor. He alone knows the truth.

I will stand IN HIM. Someday I just hope my family sees the truth also.

Manipulation of anything is wrong. I know, I can manipulate with the best. Even the best intentions for someone or in their interest manipulation is wrong. Cults believe in God, but manipulate. Even manipulation in Gods name is bad. I was raised a manipulator, I was the youngest and the only girl, I learned early to get my way. And I am good at it. I could not live like that, God made it clear to me long ago how wrong that was. So now I see it happening to people I love and no one will listen, it is painful to say the least. 

But I decided I WILL LIVE IN TRUTH. Yes it hurts to see and yes, I said and tried to warn, but that is all I can do and pray God opens their eyes to the truth. 

Telling someone the truth in love may sting, but the pain doesn't last long. False truth is so painful and the effects can last a life time. Most of us have pain from some lie in our past and it is those things we need to examine and allow to teach us that there is no condemnation in Christ. If it looks like sin, smells like sin, sounds like sin, it is sin, and lies and deceit always come out and truth and love rein. 

Is sin and lies worth the consequences? Or is the momentary pain from truth worth it?

Living in truth is not easy, but so worth it for me, because knowing I am right in the eyes of God, is so much more freeing then a lie that hurts just so others see you as a nice person.

So today Truth or Lies?

I WILL LIVE IN TRUTH

Strive to see the truth in every part of your life and choose integrity.

Always

Suszi

Old friends and life going on...

Good Morning Friends,

I have such mixed emotions today. It has been a crazy week. Two of my closest friends are dealing with major issues and my heart breaks for them. My life with my extended family is in shambles, (what are shambles anyway? another day perhaps) Life is crazy. My best friend from Jr. High is HERE!! 

So today I choose Joy.

Kristie and I were friends in 8 and 9th grade. Not really sure what happened to us but, I am positive it was my selfishness in some way or other. 

But today is a good day and we are being reunited after over 20 years.

Her  family moved to AZ shortly after graduation and I have not seen her since.

We have been back in touch via email and texting now for a few years and that is wonderful. 

But talking to someone and physically being with them is so different.

She was my Duran, Duran, Prince, MTV, Crazy clothes and HUGE hair phase.

I have so many fond memories of our time together and I look forward to making new memories today with our kids.  I need laughter today and joy and pure fun. Times of no worry or hurt or anger. 

I CHOOSE JOY.

I know I said that already, but I need to convince myself today.

Because as far as hurt goes in your life, life still goes on with VERY whiny boys and little girls who wont play with him. 

Today is so exciting and fun and I won't let others ruin it for their own manipulation. 

Today don't let anyone rob you of your joy.

Be blessed and call an old friend.

Always 

Suszi

Wishbone or Backbone?

Good Morning friends,

I've been thinking, I KNOW SCARY huh?

Yesterday my friend Dave Amsler a missionary to Gutamala put this as his status.

"Some only have a wishbone when what they need is a backbone."

I am not sure I see it exactly the way he intended or not?

I wish my kids didn't have to be exposed to all the pain and hurt in the world, but I can teach them they are loved and not hide the world from them but use it to teach them to love others.

To not be afraid to say what you mean, instead of wishing someone else would, (in love of course) 

Wishing something in your life would change, or making that change happen in your life,

Being bold enough to say what God wants you to say. 

This is kinda hard for me, because I think it would be opposite for me,

 I have way more backbone and wish I didn't sometimes.

I want to tell the truth, in love, being honest, yet have integrity.

Sometimes I wonder why some people are my friends?

I tell them the flat out truth and they thank me.

I don't think at those times I would want to be my friend, but I guess the truth will set you free.

I used to let people who I thought were more "spiritual" than me, make me feel intimidated, or inadequate.

But it seems to me that being "spiritual" was they could talk the talk and say stuff to make them seem spiritual, but it was hot air. When you see people who have a passion for Christ, a deep love for people and cry out to God for the lost, sacrifice comfort to go to less fortunate or another country. Those are the people who to me have back bone. They fight not just sin but, sometimes life and death, or imprisonment, persecution, pain.

We have so much comfort I think we forget those who don't.

So many people I know are or were missionaries, and I am so proud to know these people and pray for them and support them if I can.

Those are the true "Backbone" people.

We can be like that too, by opening our eyes a little wider and noticing the hurt and pain around us, often closer then we think. Reaching out to a friend, a neighbor, an acquaintance, a stranger and saying "God loves you". 

You can build a backbone one vertebra at a time. Start small. 

A smile, a hug, a hello.

Have a blessed day.

Always

Suszi

From where does inspiration come?

Good Morning friends,

Today I wonder what brings you inspiration? For me it is totally random.

Yesterday it was a picture a friend showed me of a craft room.

I was so excited cause I have everything I need to obtain that look. 

Thanks Kelly!!!

I was so motivated that I am so excited about getting the rest of my house and garage in order.

I feel so overwhelmed about it all. I have so much stuff, but truly I do use 85% of it. In the house it is mostly it is craft stuff, and wedding stuff. In the garage it is more wedding stuff and photo props and a bunch of Helena's stuff. Where to start?  One spot at a time. I know how to organize and I really don't mind setting it up, my problem lies in the fact I have a hard time putting things back where they go. But I hate to have to hunt for everything when I need it. I heard a great organizer speak a few years ago Elizabeth Hagen and we have become friends and she is so wonderful and inspiring her website is  http://elizabethhagen.com/ 

Having a professional organizer in your life is daunting, but great for advice and she has helped me many times with encouragement. Thank you Elizabeth. I wanna be like her when I grow up.

She is inspiring.

Another person who inspires me is Mary Engelbreit, her art is so wonderful and gives me such joy. I never dreamed before Facebook that I could actually connect with her and now I can see her art and many things she is working on. http://www.maryengelbreit.com/  

God has really put a desire to inspire others on my heart. I have no idea how to achieve this but I guess when God gives you the desire, He will make the way. I want to share hope. I am and artist, but not a great one, I am not organized, far from it, I can do a lot of different things, but I don't think that is the purpose of this desire.

It isn't so much about what I can do, but what I have been through. How maybe my experiences can give hope and renewed life to people. 

This is weird for me though, this time in life I mean. Normally I would go right out and make this happen. Make calls, book things, and I am sure it would be fine. BUT, God is saying" let ME do this for you". "This is all about

ME, relax and have peace."

If you know anything about me, I love to jump in head first into any situation and work til I cannot stand anymore. This situation is different. No Jumping into the deep water head first. but sitting and waiting until the waves reach me on the sand, slowly and gently. OK so here is my issue with this.

I CAN'T SIT STILL THAT LONG. My mind and hands itch to be at work doing something, usually 2 or 3 things at a time. If I am sitting, I am writing or designing something or research. So this sitting and waiting is SOOO HARD for me. It is a new sensation, but I know if and when God's plan happens, it will be all HIM and none of me. That is what I want, I want nothing of me but what He wants. 

Be still and know that I AM GOD. 

OK, IM LISTENING.

So today where do you find your inspiration to make it through? Who do you look to, that encourages you that you can do it?

Have a blessed day, and ask God where or who He can use you to inspire.

Always

Suszi

got Control?

Morning already?

Hello friends,

I have never been so tired, it is either I finally let it catch up with me, or I am old but most likely a combination of both.

There was a time I could stay up all night sleep a few hours and be great, now I feel like rip van winkle and wanna sleep a hundred years.

Yesterday I slept most of the day on and off, and today I only wish I could. I was awoken very early by Dave going to work, then by Chrissy standing over me. (which is unnerving) 

I am a very light sleeper, normally hear every sound and creak, but when I am this tired I hear nothing. Yesterday Ian stood over me and yelled something. BAD IDEA. He just needed my awake attention, probably asking for food, will he ever get full? When I get woke up like that I come out swinging. I have no idea why. (no i didn't hit him but it scared us both) Once after surgery, I woke up and 5 nurses were holding me down and one nurse was bleeding, I had punched her and didn't realize it. If you don't know me, I am strong and carry a punch. I would never use this of my own will, but asleep sedated I guess I will. So now when I have surgery I have to be strapped down. Which is better cause I would never hurt a fly, much less a person. 

It unnerves me to think I have a place where I don't have control of myself. Maybe that is why I sleep so light? I have a tender heart and would rather hug someone then hit them. 

There is a letter on the internet right now from someone who is full of hate towards special needs kids. When I read it I thought it would make me so angry, but by the end I only felt pity. 

It is hard to deal with life when you aren't in control of yourself, but it is even more frightening to blatantly to be so awful and full of hate on your own free will. My prayer is that that person can learn to love these amazing children and people.  God says" whatever you do to the least of these you do to me" I sure don't want to be there when He decides to discipline this person. Thank goodness.it isn't up to me  to decide their fate.

Today I start digging into my chaos and getting my house in order.

So pray for me and my family 

Also think today about someone in your life who you don't understand or that makes you crazy and love on them. Pray for them. 

Always

Suszi

Organizing life to walk in gentleness

Good morning friends,

Today I finally stopped. the pat month I have hosted or helped host, a wedding reception, 2 baby showers, also, decorated an entire church for VBS,  Had family visiting and my mom in the hospital, all during the same time period. Needless to say I am whipped. I forced my self through it out of love for the people I was blessing. I started to get sick but worked past that. But one thing I got was exhausted,

But a happy exhausted. I love parties!! I love planning and decorating and hosting. Many people ask where I get my ideas? well some I borrow and change and many times it is all in my head. My mind is going all the time. I love creating for the joy of others. 

My biggest issue is the after effects of parties and that is the clean up.

Sometimes people think they are helping by packing things up but in reality it makes it harder. If I have the energy and time I want it done in a way to put right away.

I need to get organized so each box and item has a place and box so it can be grabbed and returned to that spot.

So here lies my hardest issue. Organizing. It is so overwhelming to me. I know what I want but get overwhelmed by the mass of stuff. It takes a lot of stuff to decorate for a party. and not everything fits into a neat little box. and isn't that like life? Wouldn't it be great if it fit neatly into a box and could be labeled.  Not mine, It is like shutting a very full suitcase and no matter how hard you try something keeps seeping out the sides. 

But God made us each unique and special, and we cannot fit into the mold the world wants us to be. He made me with a Huge personality, loud,not easily shaken, not quiet and meek and soft. and as much as I would like to be that person, "I yam, what I's yam" (Popeye) .

Yesterday in church I was thinking about this very thing. And God is teaching me gentleness,not just sometimes but to have a gentle spirit. I easily can correct or yell or make a snarky comment but I rarely react with gentleness. Especially towards my kids. gentleness and grace, well that is my path for the day. Where does God want you today?  

Always 

Suszi

Are you offended?

Good Morning friends,

Have you ever been offended or have offended someone?

ME, ME, ME I tend to be and expert at it. At least the offending part.

I have a big mouth and very little inhibition.

Overlook an offense and bond a friendship; fasten on to a slight and—good-bye, friend!

Proverbs 17:8-10

  and

So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.

Colossians 3:11-13

Do you ever hold an offence so tight until it has overcome every part of your being with anger?

I used to be so bad at this, I didn't want to be corrected, or reprimanded or helped.

I am independent. I will do it my way and you will like it or to heck with you.

One day I got offended so badly it hurt me spiritually, and I prayed God would change this in me.

For many years I worked in churches, and that is the worst place to get offended.

I'm not sure why we offend so easily? We aren't upset watching something raunchy on TV. Or listening to something rude on the radio. So why when fellow believers say something are we offended so quickly? 

Do we think we are better Christians? How does God want us to act? 

Well this verse in Proverbs puts it pretty simply. 

Overlook an offence. 

One way I got to see this magnified in my life was, when I lived in Kentucky I was having seizures and the doctor put me on this medicine that worked great for those, but the side affect was it took away your inhibitions, and made you super agressive.  Soooo lets take someone who is already aggressive and obnoxious and add meds to do that magnified. WELL let me tell you. It was amazing for me. I felt exhilarated I wasn't afraid to say or do anything. Yep and I lost friends, I offended a nationally known Christian musician, I offended EVERYONE. What a lesson ouch. It showed me how being offensive is so hurtful to people. I wasn't on it for long as you can imagine but I was like Hurricane Suszi leaving a path of destruction wherever I went. 

I had to go to everyone and apologize profusely.

It then showed me the other side. Who offended easily.

So many people were like "Oh you were so funny" or "Oh no problem aren't we all like that sometimes" or even "I have wanted to say that to that person for a long time and didn't have the guts" (OK so the last one may not have been good hehehe)

But it showed me who had learned this lesson in being offended.  

And who hadn't. 

It is not an easy lesson and is definitely a process. It takes a LOT of practice. I still struggle with my family.

They can say something and it crawls all over me. And hurts! That is where I am today. If it is a lie? Aren't I supposed to be offended? I know I will never get an apology. So do I play lets just pretend it didn't happen?

Am I justified in my hurt? 

This is my new lesson in Meekness along with offences. 

Meekness  is not holding resentment for wrongs done.

So I guess there lies my answer!

They may never ask my forgiveness, so I show them God's love and grace.

Because is that not what He does for us?

So as I work on my offences today keeping my boundaries in tact.

I feel like a dog with it's tail between it's legs.

But above all else LOVE. 

I will pray today you learn this truth, and I get a refresher course.

Let us go into today with grace and love.

Be blessed

Always

Suszi

To survive or thrive? That is the question.

Good morning friends,

 My day started with please don't shoot your sister.

So today is going to be an active day I can tell, neither one will shut up and listen.

Do you ever wonder why it is so hard to survive life?

I don't think were meant to survive life! 

Yes we are supposed to survive, but that shouldn't be the goal.

Living and thriving should be our main objective.

"I WANT TO LIVE"

Often we get trudged down with life and everyday routines.

We forget to laugh and stop and look at the birds flying around, or listen the breeze, to sit in the grass with a child and look at the stars, to catch fireflies.

Laughing...telling silly jokes in the car, singing funny songs, these are the things that make memories. 

I see so many people ( myself included lately) so weary with life, feeling like you are paddling against the tide with all your might and not gaining ground. Single moms with 3 kids making ends meet, older couples fearful of what the future holds. How do we live not to survive but to Thrive? 

I guess the biggest way to start is with changing your thinking, making a statement that I will no longer be pulled under circumstances, I WILL LIVE.

Not just Live but overcoming and thriving.

Laughing and playing.

Don't think you can?

Fake it!! Fake it til you make it.

Put on a happy face, dry your tears, stomp your feet.

LAUGH!!!

TODAY I HAVE JOY!!!

How do we find this joy you ask?

Well mainly from God. He put joy into our lives.

The joy of the Lord is our strength.

The more we laugh, the stronger we get?

That is what the Bible says, it is a promise.

It doesn't say put your head down and push and shove to get to the next appointment.

God wants your burdens and worries. So if we give the issues to Him, we have loads of room for joy.

Sing, Laugh, laugh, laugh.

Pray today that God will help you thrive and live.

Be blessed todays

Always

Suszi

Can you ask the hard questions?

Good morning friends,

Today I find joy.

I was really weary and upset last night when I went to church.

Then I looked around and saw all the hard work everyone had done for VBS and saw the faces of the kids, while all the things I had designed had made it all the more magical to them.

There was laughter and fun and learning about Jesus.

The entire point of this event, is planting those seeds for a lifetime of loving God.

My part in this was so small as far as the spiritual side of things but sometimes those things that may not seem important, set the tone and raise the excitement.

I often think how my spiritual gifts are mistaken for creativity, I know I know those are gifts and not everyone can do that painting or whatever. What I am talking about though is that many times people see that I am creative but, rarely see a deeper spiritual side. A person who prays and hears God. 

Peoples first impression of me is often, very different then what I truly am. 

I realize I can be intimidating and a little over the top sometimes. I have a large and loud personality.

I also love deeply and I am very passionate, I am loyal and caring. But most times my first impression to people is very different to people I just meet.

I thought for a long time maybe something is wrong with me. 

Maybe I should become a quiet and soft person, ummm NO. 

I am who God made me to be, I am not polished or prim and proper most of the time. My heart is as big as the sky and God created me. this person I am, Not that I cannot learn new things, but who I am at the core of me, the true and real Suszi.

In high school I went to a youth conference and the speaker talked about being able to ask the big questions.

Those questions that many people are afraid to ask. That night I prayed God would make me into that person. Although saying or asking the big questions can and is, mistaken as brash. You have to have a certain amount of chutzpah or inhibition to be able to do that. I also pray daily God will give me a softness,  so I don't actually turn people off, but I also know I was created for a purpose and not to be intimidated by the devil. 

I am so thankful God made me this way, even though most people don't understand me.

If I can help one person come to Christ because I wasn't afraid to ask the hard questions, I will praise God for all eternity with them.

So embrace who God made you to be, and don't disregard the spirituality of others because they may worship or look differently then you. 

Love deeply, laugh hard, ask the big questions.

Be blessed

Always

Suszi

It is rock bottom time

Hello friends,

I know my posts have been few and far between.

My life feels as though it spiraled out of control and I have no idea how to stop it.

Very little sleep has me feeling like a zombie, and of course all the little things I said I would do for people ended up happening in the same week. 

But the end is in sight. Wedding reception- done, VBS-set up and running beautifully, Baby shower #1. gorgeous,  now to finish the prep for baby shower #2.  

All these things in themselves wouldn't be hard at all, but they all landed in the same week, and my mom has also been in the hospital the whole time. 

Now My family has once again let me down. I truly thought that the last disappointment was the bottom, but now I have hit it. Lies abound and people are mad and I am left hurting worse then ever.

It is hard to find joy and grace when you are so tired and cannot barely function.

I have slept for 3 nights now and feel no where near rested. I am unmotivated and weary. I struggle to write and keep my thoughts captive. So what now? It is time for me to take care of me. If I don't I fear total collapse and rest will do me good. The one nice thing about being at your bottom in life is that there are no decisions on which way to go, UP is all there is. I guess curling up and dying at the bottom is an option, but not for me. I don't like change but I must deal with it. And I must rise above and go on and grow and overcome adversity.  It makes me think of the old Christmas show "Santa Claus is coming to town" and the winter wizard, he didn't know how to change and so he sang  "Put one foot in front of the others and soon you'll be walking out the door" 

So today I concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other and even if I make 3 steps forward and 2 steps back I need to rejoice in the progress even if it is hard. 

I am going to find joy and new life in this situation, even if it is slow and painful.

I will have a whole life again, I will be rested and thinking clearly once again, I WILL OVERCOME and live a life pleasing to God. 

Thank you for following me through this dark time, and for praying for me and my family, and for joy.

Be blessed today

Always

Suszi

Let me be the light bearer in this dark world

Good Morning friends,

Have you ever met a Christian who showed everything but God's love?

Those who worry so much about not being part of the world, they are removed from reality?

Not wanting the kids to be exposed to the world but in hindsight making life harder for the child because they are in shock when they are exposed to the world?

Or like my momma says "To Heavenly minded to be any earthly good"

We lived like that for a while and realized how much we were actually hurting our child, 

and how futile it really was.

So we decided to yes expose them to the world in small doses we could explain. Teaching them how to walk like Jesus and to love everyone the same.

I have many friends who aren't "CHRISTIANS". But who am I to judge? I certainly would never want to be the one to decide who gets into Heaven and who doesn't. The Bible says "Love one another" not "love those you agree with" or "love those who can already get to go to Heaven". I think we are going to be awfully surprised at the pearly gates to see who is there. 

My next question is this, "How are those who don't live a life that is Godly, come to know God?"

I learn more by example than words.

It is so easy to say "I love the sinner, just not the sin".

But do you really? 

Do you step out of your comfort zone?

Do you talk to a homosexual? Do you hug them? Do you hug a homeless person? What about the Muslim woman, who has her head covered? The single mom with 4 kids and isn't married? The Fat guy who smells funny? The woman talking to herself? 

Do you give a meal to a drug addict? do you sit and hold their hand during DTs? Do you bring them into your home ? or do you give them a few dollars on the corner and think "that was so nice of me" .DO  you pay for someone elses lunch in the drive thru? That person you see sitting alone and crying, do you bow your head and pray for them and go on or do you go hug them and listen? Not that praying isn't the perfect thing to do, but I think we do that and think were helping, when all that person needed was Jesus to wrap His arms around them and love them.

Oh but they smell. Um someone else will love them. Oh my I am so busy, I didn't have the time. I gave them a dollar, isn't that enough? 

Jesus talked to a Samaritan woman. That was against the law. He didn't stop to think "Oh that just cannot be done" because it takes us out of our comfort zone. HE talked to her and told her of new life in Him. About living water and a desire to serve Him. 

What if He said " Well I better not do that"Would that woman be with God today in Heaven? 

Are we willing to risk our reputation, our comfort, our ideals? To show Gods love. 

and can you do it without thinking I have to do this, cause God said to love others. But because we have genuine love for the sinner? Are you going to be the kind of person who will hug a homosexual and say I sure love you or barely acknowledge their existence because their life  is "sinful"and we shouldn't associate with that  if we don't agree with it.

By no means put yourself in danger, but be the arms and feet of Jesus. Pray each morning "God show me who I can love today" Let me be the light bearer in this dark world. Let me realize no matter how much of a hurry I am in that I should look around and see what You want me to do. But be late for Church? If God says stop and let them know they are loved. Is it more important to do what the world expects or what God commands? If things aren't going right pray because God may have you at the tire shop, or the dentist or the insurance office at that moment to show His love. 

So my prayer today is "Lord use all of me to show your love to anyone and everyone, and help me show my children how to have that same love for others"

Be blessed today

Always

Suszi

A paint brush from heaven

GOOD morning friends,

Seems it has been forever since I've last written.

Life just seems to have gotten so hectic the last couple of weeks.

Sleep is the only thing I continuously do, or want to do. 

I have had time to paint for VBS though and it is great. It is like the whole world stops when I have a paint brush in my hand. The amazing thing about this VBS is the amount of help and talented people who have helped. I go into doing a big project like this with the mindset that I will be the only one there for weeks. This time amazes me at every turn. Yesterday I went to church to paint and there were about 6 people who were there working so hard already,  and that has happened so many times during this event. I am just blown away by the amount of love and caring our church has. Not that our church is perfect or anything it is the fact that they care about each other, so many have called and prayed and cared and loved my family during this time in our lives that is over the top exhausting for me and going out of their way to help and show they care.

My pastor sent me a text message that said "pace yourself, this is a race not a sprint" and he is so right. I have learned to say no and let go of things so I have had more energy for the important things. I want to do it all, but as I age I realize I can't, there is only so much I can give and not an ounce more.
So today as I finish my second cup of coffee and think about a third, I relax and hope for a little peace before a very long day starts. And the song "He gives strength to me, as I worship him" rings in my head I go on and paint all day and it sounds like heaven to me.
Have a blessed day and remember saying no is not a bad thing to do.

Always

Suszi