Won't you please, please won't you be my neighbor?

Good Morning friends,

I watched a good show last night on PBS called,

Mr Rogers and me.

It really took me back to a world of simplicity.

Back to a time when kindness and love and imagination were the most important things to strive to have.

I have talked many times about being totaly transparent, and honest and being Jesus with hands.

But I have been sorely lacking in practicing what I preach.

Here is the reason.

I lost my spark.

When a friend told me this lately I thought yes I have, since my mom died.

But, NO it was, she said when Chrissy was diagnosed with Dup 15.

Last year in October, so for 13 months I have gone from a happy, kinda crazy, fun loving person to

who I am now.

I don't care for her much.

She is depressed and angry, rude and grouchy.

Last night I berated my child because of something she said, and blamed her for all my issues.

When I know it is all my fault.

Then I saw this special. OUCH.

This man valued emotion and he valued people.

I used to. I say I do but I really don't walk in it much lately.

I feel like the person who does, that part of me I lost is huddled in the corner shivering and starving, because she is so neglected and alone.

My spark is gone.

My spark is gone.

I have taken joy, love and laughter and replaced them with threat, guilt and punishment.

I don't like this person at all.

So how do I go back? 

How does one go back to that person? Can we even do that?

Well most journeys are a round trip, and as much as a vacation is nice, being home always feels so good to get back too.

But the return trip doesn't just happen in a snap, it is also a journey in itself. It is a road and it may look familuar, it can still be daunting. Because it is so remembered often we get bored and just long to be back to normal. Back to routine. Back to normalicy, but can we? We don't ever return the same person. Oh we may look the same, talk the same, act the same but, something isdiffferent. The flowered shirt your wearing? the tan on your skin, the photos and memories, new friends.

So as I think back to a year ago, I remember someone who was stressed and tired. I worked so much, and we had no idea why Chrissy was acting the way she was. and Life just seemed like to much. I am not sure I want to go back to that place. But that place is no longer there either, I don't work, I am rested, stress is so much less. and we know exactally why she acts that way. It doesn't make it easier though.

But at least I can now look back to what I lost, my spark.

Last night I remembered who that little girl was who was so full of life was.

She wanted to have fun and play and celebrate life.

Not what I am doing right now.

I am not living my life by the example of a Godly man who never preached, but shared his life and world and neighborhood. He took love your neighbor as a command. Didn't you feel safe and loved with him?

One thing that stood out was he said "I love you , just the way you are". 

Doesn't Jesus say the same thing? Doesn't He want us no matter our flaws? 

So today I don't know if my return journey will be good or bad, or if it is even possible or necessary? But it is important that I find that happy, sparkley, fun person, who sang and danced and played.

I guess the first thing to do is take a step.

So lets put on a sweater and different shoes and sing, 

"Would you be mine, could you be mine, won't you be my neighbor?"

I love you neighbor..

Be blessed today,

Always

Suszi