Love: Not a feeling, but a choice .

Good Morning friends,

I have had Marriage on my mind a lot lately. So may reasons to think about it...We have been together 25 years this year, friends marriages hurting, new weddings being planned, the entire gambit of marriage situations.
There have been thousands of books written on the topic but only one is needed

Ephesians 5:25-28
Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.

In today's society it is unbelievable to be married a long time. I remember I was in high school before I met anyone with divorced parents. Now I am a rarity having been married 25 years. I had several good examples of marriage my parents who were married 58 years, and Dave's grandparents who have been married 67 years. I look at both of those marriages and see one thing very clear, they served one another. They give their all to one another. We as a generation are like spoiled children, we want it our way, or no way. They are even thinking of doing a temporary marriage certificate some place I heard. What is the point.
A friend asked me how many years I had been married, I told her 25 but 8 have been good but not in succession. Which is so true. Society wants it fast, perfect and effortless. Well those are things marriage will never be. It is hard, frustrating and painful. But worth every minute. I would love to say we have been together 25 wonderful years, but nope. So how do you change your spouse? you don't. You need to remember the one you fell in love with. That young person with a life time of adventure ahead. Our adventure was nothing like I envisioned. I was pregnant when we got married so it was never really just the 2 of us. and shortly after I gave birth I hurt my knees and ended up having 7 surgeries and spent nearly 3 years in a wheel chair or bed ridden. We learned a lot about the better or worse then. Dave was amazing he did things taking care of me and a child that most men would have walked away from. We had a few really rough times, and once I left him, I said I would only come back if he did this whole list of things. I thought well I guess were done cause he won't do half of that...NOPE he did them all and then some. We have lasted through many struggles and changes. We were super young when we married I was 18 and Dave was 21. Just babies, stupid and immature. Baggage a LOT of baggage came with us to. So much it took years to unpack and go through. Recently I heard a story of a woman who couldn't;t look at her husband at their wedding during the vows, ouch I did the same thing and never understand why, well it is because I had given a huge part of myself away to other guys, and when I found "Mr. Right" it was to late. Despite the very hard and rocky parts of our marriage there were also great times. Precious times. Times I wouldn't trade of anything. Both the good and the bad make us who we are. I was not the person I am today at 18 and neither was Dave.  we are better people.. Oh I am not saying we don't have issues cause we do. I'm saying were in it for the long haul. There comes a point in marriage that the "love" we felt seems gone. That is a moment of truth for many couples. That is the point many breakup. That is the point you have to decide I choose to love that person, I chose Him//her forever. There are days (weeks) where we can't stand the other person, but They are ours, and for better or worse we vowed to make it. I am not the easiest person to be with, I am selfish, demanding, particular and crazy. But I love my husband and oddly enough he still loves me after all this time.
That statement right there is what keeps me going. He loves me when I am unlovable, and stubborn. He is my best friend and I am so lucky I have him, even though he makes me crazy most days. For all the trials just the past year would have broken many marriages and has stretched ours to the limit, but bent is NOT broken and we are dedicated to straightening out, not because we "Love" each other but because God loves us. God ordained our marriage, God alone holds us together. We never pray together enough or barely see each other enough, we can't sleep in the same bed and life at our house is no where in the same universe calm and easy. Dave is here and most days I am too. Being together even when we don't like each other much. Sharing the chaos and craziness and figuring out our lives with sickness and pain, he is faithful because we know God is faithful. Dave and I cannot fix anything. GOD CAN. He will and we will once again adapt and go on. I could never make it alone but I don't have to. Dave and I take a day at a time, sometimes only a moment. God being the main reason and sometimes the only reason were together. We are stronger through Him. When God put a crazy Irish Hillbilly together with a reserved Norwegian and said" it is good" I know He had a smirk on His face.

Be blessed and remember not matter what phase of marriage you are in, put GOD first.

Always
Suszi

Rose colored glasses?

Good Morning friends,

SUMMER HAS BEGUN.

I LOVE having all my kids home and no schedule to keep. BUT

I am afraid the carefree days I hoped for are not so anymore.

My daughter has a Genetic abnormality and as she regresses it worsens. Her actions, mouth, attitude,

Have you ever known anyone with Alzheimer's? Well this is like that. They get fixated on a certain emotion and can't stop. EVER.  Frustration abounds at our house. The newest thing is she acts up when Dave gets home so he will yell at me. So most evenings at our house are chaos and stressful. This was all pretty tolerable until my symptoms got worse. Now I have to care for all this not feeling well, exhausted and frustrated.

I have to constantly give it to God. 

What I really want this summer is peace. To bearable to put flowers on my deck, and sit in a hammock but neither of those will happen now. Because getting the deck fixed cost a lot. oh well sorry for that pity party.

Anyway I guess coming to grips with my pain and Chrissy's illness and getting my house purged and my life in control, is the spot I am in. Today I don't like what I see. 

Today I think I will put on rose colored glasses and go on. Does anyone know what that means? 

Sorry for the frustration of today's post, Sleep eluded me, dreams haunted me, kids disobeyed me, coffee pot died, instant just doesn't cut it, and I can't find a job to work from my chair. So I will just have to put on my big girl pants and get over this. Please pray for us today.I need a bunch of  peace this day.

Thank you for being loyal readers, thought the ups and the downs. 

May you be blessed beyond measure.

Always 

Suszi

Susan ; Means Full of Grace.

Good Morning friends.

I know I talk a LOT about Grace. Maybe because my name means; Full of grace. As a child I thought it was something to do with how clumsy I was. I can walk into an empty room with one tiny rock on the floor and trip over that thing. Not the most graceful person ever. One thing I do strive to be is gracious. I have been reading "The ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning. I have read it several times so far and find something new every time it is so full of powerful lessons. The main theme of the book is Grace. Last night I was laying in bed thinking how best to illustrate grace. I am a visual person. The thing that came to mind was my daughter Helena, she played soccer for several seasons, I don't think they ever won more than 2 games total. That is the first place I saw where they gave everyone a trophy at the end of the season. "WHAT? What is wrong with these people? Don't they know they aren't teaching our kids anything? You don't get awards for being bad! You have to EARN the reward. Stupidest thing I ever heard of. " That was how I felt about it. Ok so I am a little over the top.
As I lay there last night I thought of that instance. We are those soccer players, We don't get judged by our wins/losses ratio or our MVP status. We are rewarded just for the sake of the reward, just for being there. "Well What will that crap teach our kids?" Grace. Grace is not earned, yet rewarded. Grace cannot be bought, borrowed or stolen, it is not deserved, but have it we do. Why? because WE SHOWED UP.
God in His mercy, gives it as a gift. No strings attached. It isn't like we have to explain to God what is in our hearts, He knows what we are thinking, doing and feeling. He created us. Our little minds have a hard time grasping how God is so much bigger then us and is all knowing. We may have skeletons in our closets, but God knows they are there. He built the closet, for goodness sakes. He knows EVERYTHING. We can't hide from Him. We don't deserve Him, But we GET Him. We have forgiveness, we have grace, we have unmerited favor. Grace is unmerited. I am a loud, tell it like it is, lay it all out and pick up the pieces later kind of person. I talk before I speak. I am bossy and manipulative and spoiled. I want my way and guess what? GOD KNOWS THAT. He knows my thoughts, my actions, my reactions. That is what grace is to me. The fact that I am who I am and it doesn't matter to Him. The more flawed we are the easier it is to understand grace. People who have nothing to give Him, have an easier time coming to Him, because they have nothing to prove. The "righteous" have a harder time. Those who "know" God, feel like they need to prove something to Him. That we need to "Get to the next level " in our Christian walk, so we what? Gain importance? Have a higher standing in church? Have a good reputation? What really matters to Him? That we love Him!
That we love others! that we understand we ARE sinners. But he loves us all the same, Mother Theresa and Marilyn Manson. We are ALL His children. And we ALL get that Grace. It is boundless. It comes with no strings attached. It is FREE. It is right here. Stop beating yourself up over pleasing Him. Just come to Him flaws and all and He will be right there with arms open wide. Have you ever hugged a very smelly person? You maybe gagging and holding your breath, but you hug them anyway? God does just that. Smelly, dirty, sinful. Wraps His arm's around us and squeezes. Just as we are. It is quite simple really. Hug Back! Absorb His grace, and you then can learn to hand out medals to those around us, And ourselves. To accept them, even when we know we don't deserve them.

Be blessed today and full of grace.

Always
Suszi

My Chair is My mission field

Good morning friends,

I was sad the other day when I heard Maya Angelou died.

She was really an inspiration to me.

I watched an interview once with her and Oprah, and it was life changing for me.

She was so deliberate and easy with her words.

She talked about adversity and her mother and grandmother. 

Being raised in poverty and overcoming all that.

Her faith was forefront in all she talked about. 

And like she says above I really don't remember the content but how it made me feel.

Life is like that so much. Fleeting glances of peoples lives, glimpses as they float in and out again.

I have had connections with people I have never actually spoken too. I have felt pain of others I have never met. How is that? I believe the Holy Spirit opens those doors. That God uses those moments to His glory.

My goal in life and on this journey is very simple.

Let others see Jesus in you,

Today Jesus in my house in an uncaffinated, pj wearing, crazy hair flying, person.

I don't have the energy to run out and evangelize. I doubt I could shower today. 

But I can be used right here in my chair.

I once heard an interview by Chuck Colson, with and elderly woman in a nursing home.

She thought her life was over, there was nothing more God could use her to do. So she prayed God would take her home to heaven.

God said "No, I have much more to do". 

She decided to start writing letters to prisoners. Sitting in her tiny room, not being able to physically go out, she won like 1,500 people to Christ. She never met any of them. But SHE made a difference for the Kingdom. When God asks us to move we should never ask how? or why? but, how far? 

We need to live and minister where God sets us. I always wanted to be a foreign missionary. I wanted to go to Africa and Asia and win souls for God. That is Not what God had in mind for me.

I taught and spoke into students lives, I moved to Appalachia and spoke into peoples lives there. I adopted children. I have a constant string of people in my home. And I get to share with you.

That is MY mission field. If I never leave this country, or travel to huts in Africa, or become the next Joyce Meyer. I am right now in my mission. Being content to minister from "My Chair". Because if my life mattered to bring only one person to God it was all worth it. 

Sometimes it isn't a big production, but just a hug. A soft word or a whispered prayer.

Being used by the Father.

Right here, right now.

The circumstances don't need to be perfect before you go.

Just open up your heart and life to the moving or the Holy Spirit, and

You will be used.

Be blessed today.

Always

Suszi

When I fail, I find grace

Good Morning friends,

It has been a while since I last wrote, but life has a way of doing that.

Mostly cause if I wrote it would be whining and horrid stories of pain and blechh...who wants to hear that all the time?

I hate to complain or grouch. I don't like droning on and on about me, me, me.

I want to inspire and challenge, bring hope.

I often talk about the prayer I said just over a year ago.

"God, break all those things in my life I put before you"

Went something like that.

Well in hindsight I probably wouldn't have said those words had I known.

But I also am so grateful for the journey and the pain. The fire and the purging of my life.

Please don't try this at home. 

It is not for the faint of heart. 

I am a strong person, both mentally and physically, but there are times I ask "What did I do"?

So much pain , so much loss.

BUT,

I sleep better at night, I can say no to people, I stay home more. I am more quiet and I have let God pour His healing balm on my soul.

I have talked to several people about being sick lately and how that affects my life.

How no I didn't ask to be sick but I can choose how it makes me act.

Some days I fail.

Most days lately.

But isn't that what grace is about?

Learning how to carry myself with honor and dignity.

How words seem meaningless, but once they are out of your mouth cannot be taken back. 

I am learning to listen and not talk, which is super hard for me.

I observe more, look deeper at peoples lives, look at what is around me during those stressful times,

Knowing where God is at all times and what He wants me to to do or say.

Knowing His grace is sufficient for me.

I need inspiration today, I need to get my creativity moving.

I need to not dwell on the negative things that HAPPEN to me and focus on the GIFTS GIVEN to me.

I want to see change today, I want to purge and simplify.

I want to see God work in me today.

I want to bless and lighten others loads.

I want to be the kind of friend, I want to have.

Be blessed today.

Always

Suszi

Mother Theresa ain't got nothing on me!

Good Morning friends,

I Saw this quote the other day and it really spoke to me.

We spend so much time praying for answers, that when WE ARE the answer we don't see it.

We don't have to wait for God to use us, He already is.

God called the 12 disciples and they didn't have credentials, fancy degrees, or were even "Born Again".

They were fisherman, tax collector and Zealot. They were smelly, not trust worthy and obsessive.

Jesus used them anyway

I want to be used like that.

If we have to wait for everything to be "Perfect" it will never happen.

Like waiting for a baby until your finances are better.

We also may not be used like Billy Graham for years and years, many generations.

Jesus had (what we think) a 3 year ministry. He also has touched many, many , many generations.

We may not ever do anything "Great" or worthy of greatness.

Sometimes the smallest things make the most difference. 

I had a friend once who didn't do anything until God "told" them what to do/

They spent so much time looking for signs and confirmation, they weren't doing anything.

He gave us a guide book. The Bible, A communication device, Prayer and a school, Church.

All we need to succeed at spiritualism.

I don't think you need to know apologetics, or systemic theology to understand what God wants you to do.

Not that those things are bad, but I don't think it has to be that hard.

Love, kindness, joy, forgiveness, patience...

Even I can do that. And that is saying something. 

We don't have to be another Mother Theresa, or Dali Lama and change the world.

Maybe God wants you to reach One person. Are you ready?

Are you willing? Are you qualified?

Yep sure are.

So go get em'

Where will he use you?

Can He use you?

 I hope so.

Be blessed today

Always 

Suszi 

Preordained Junk

Good Morning friends,

Yesterday I was once again reminded of the sovereignty of God in our lives.

How He preordains situations and movements.

You would think it wouldn't surprise me, He can use our every step but yet He does.

I have another disease. It is called "Pickeriodous"

I love junk! 

I love garbage and dumpsters, junk yards, yard sales and antique stores.

AND Wellllllll...my garage shows it. And I have nearly one of everything in it.

It is like the Tardis (Dr.Who) It looks smaller on the outside then the inside.

Now I found someone who thinks my "treasures" have some value.

SOO excited but not as excited as my hubby.

About once a week or so when I round up a pile of stuff I think they may want, I head to the store.

(Pond Antiques, by the Pit. Flea Market Saturday the 17th 9-4) 

I was going to go Monday but didn't and last Friday I was too and didn't, I even had my coat on once to go and just didn't. 

(Here is where God works)

So yesterday I grabbed a few pieces and headed down there. I walked into the store and there stood the owner almost in tears. She had a rough morning to say the least.

When she saw me she was so excited, and said you are just the person I wanted to see today.

You always bring sunshine with you.

I listened to her story of her day and encouraged her. I didn't preach or apostleisize.

I said" wow God sure must of knew that, you needed that today."

I stayed a while and we talked and haggled on my items. (I LOVE THAT oh I told you that already)

I just listened and opened my heart to her. If I had gone in there with the surly attitude I had that morning I doubt God could have used me that well. I didn't feel the need to pray with her, or start a prayer meeting. But just to share some of Jesus with skin on. A smile, a silent prayer, a hug, a laugh, a blessing.

By the time I left, she was happy and smiling and holding her head higher and her shoulders squarer.

She thanked me and gave me a gift (LOVE those too)

 Her day was better, NOT because of me, despite of me, BUT because of Jesus.

I love being used by HIM.

Can you be a blessing today?

Hold a door, smile, say hello.

Blessings to you

Always

Suszi