old and new, pride and grace..

Hello Friends,

Sorry there has been a gap in my writing, I moved and just got internet so IMMMM BAAACK.

It has been a strange and hard few months, 

God has sustained me and will continue to strengthen me.

I guess the hardest part of this for me lately is change,

Moving and marriage and changing family structure.

Losing friends has been the hardest, but God has once again taught me a lesson through this.

The hardest part is the change I need to make in me.

I spent many years angry and sick and had lost my joy and peace.

Going through a divorce no matter how nice it is done is hard on everyone.

teaching my kids how to handle this with love and grace is hard if I am still angry. 

I have to make a concerted effort  not to be angry.

I hadn't realized how my anger had taken over my life.

So with much prayer I am breaking free 

of those things in my life and finally feel like what God is wanting me to use me to do,

will finally come to fruition.

I feel like this is the last hurdle to overcome before I am finally released to do his will.

I have been trying to write these and other things into a book, but i have lost all of that and will need start again, I have also been told my writting is about a 2nd grade level and of no importance or inspiration to anyone. So needless to say my ego took a hit, but my God is stronger



and encourages me daily that I am in His will and He has my life in his hands.

So I will continue writing daily now and hope I can bring a little hope and joy to someone who reads this.
-—------------------------------
The above part I wrote a month ago or so and remember setting it down for an emergency and never got back to it.... sorry.
It turns out God does constantly have lessons for me.
Right now it is humility!!!!!
My pride is huge and like it is written "pride comes before a fall"
Well I have fallen!!! The one thing I have held onto is raising my daughter with special needs. Many said I should put her in a group home a long long time ago, and I always thought I would be viewed as a failure.
But God is good!!
I am gracefully broken!
Beauty in my brokenness, because God reins and brings joy deep in my soul!
This week someone turned me in for abuse, which happens often with special needs children. This week resulted in me not being more than accused,but the damage was done and she was moved
out of my house and in with her dad and ultimately into a group home.

When asked how I felt...at first like the worst parent ever. That is a reality for nearly every parent at one time or another though, so I was quickly over that.
What followed made me feel worse...relieved!!
Yep relief
I had been hanging onto something that was causing all my family pain and frustration.
But my pride....
I had to be let go because I had no other choice.
God though knows my heart and that is transparency and pride can be a heavy garment and letting no light through. Sometimes when God removes things In our lives, it is like a bandage being ripped off.
It hurts, but a necessary pain.
When God calls a person to HIS will, He insists on having ALL of us.
I asked to be broken and pleaded with God to use me!!! That prayer comes at a cost!!
I have lost and been rejected, accused, ripped apart, built up and tore down.
But GRACE, sweet grace, amazing grace...how very sweet the sound.

That saved a WRETCH like me.
I once was LOST...now found.
Was blind...now see.
In bondage....now free
In pride....now humble.

 18-20 “And if none of this works in getting your attention, I’ll discipline you seven times over for your sins. I’ll break your strong pride: I’ll make the skies above you like a sheet of tin and the ground under you like cast iron. No matter how hard you work, nothing will 
come
 of it: No crops out of the ground, no fruit off the trees
Leviticus 26:18-20 The message

18 First 

pride, then the crash—
    the bigger the ego, the harder the fall.

19 It’s better to live humbly among the poor
    than to live it up among the rich and famous.

20 It pays to take life seriously;
    things work out when you trust in God.

21A wise person gets known for insight;
    gracious words add to one’s reputation.

22 True intelligence is a spring of fresh water,
    while fools sweat it out the hard way.

23 They make a lot of sense, these wise folks;
    whenever they speak, their reputation increases.

24 Gracious speech is like clover honey—

    good taste to the soul, quick energy for the body.

Psalms 16: 18-24 .The Message

You would think the number of times you hear the truth, right out of the Word we would 
" get it"... but maybe it is just me...
Crash..crash..crash....
Grace...
HIS WILL!!!
Sweet glory
Amen

God bless you all
Suszi