Good morning friends,
Today is ever closer to the anniversary of my mom's death.
I never thought I would or could make it without her.
But she raised strong children.
She was an amazing woman, everyone who knew her loved her.
As I remember things about her, I get fresh perspective on life.
She loved to tell stories, make jokes and have fun.
Life at our house was not always great, but rarely boring.
She was also my greatest fan. She encouraged me and helped me find the creativity that was inside me.
School was hard for me, I had dyslexia and anxiety and I was way more social than academic. But she never go mad at my grades, she just said "That is not what makes you who you are, and if you are a good person on the inside that is all that matters" She fought along side of me for years as doctors couldn't figure out my diagnosis and actually her death was so horrific to me it made me so sick, doctors were able to finally figure it out. There isn't a day that goes by I don't miss her. My heart aches so badly for her voice and warm hugs.
I also know I could never wish her back from the place she longed to be the most. Heaven.
Nearly daily and more, she would say "I just want to go home" my sister in law wrote a song for her funeral about it. She missed her mother and father, sisters and brothers. Most of all she wanted to sit at the feet of Jesus. She was never afraid to tell people about Jesus and right up to her dying breath she did just that.
Now she is "HOME". as badly as my heart aches for her, I could never even think of taking back to earth.
She was the glue in our family and now we are all spread out and disjointed, others have also stolen so much life from our family. I long for the day we are reunited with her all together. She is with my sister, who died just before she conceived me, still born in an era of just take it away and deal with it. Now so much is put into those precious moments after births like this. She always felt a hole, the baby wasn't named there wasn't a funeral or anything, just a broken mothers heart. I am so glad that has changed. My mom was unique in every way, she was always creating, and gomming as she would say. Not a great house keeper, and as a cook it was questionable, literally you had to question anything she put before you. But there was never a lack of love and laughter. My favorite quote is by Abe Lincoln "All I am or every hope to be, I owe to my angel mother" and that is so true. I am going to talk more about her in coming days, her life and death. the mantle she bore and passed on. For those who knew Blue Ryan, my hope is you will remember the joy and spirituality she shared and also do that in your life,
Be blessed
Always
Suszi
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