Good morning friends,
You are probably
going to get tired of reading about my grief.
And I thought of just going on, but have decided I need this time.
Not so I can stew in self pity, but so if someone out there who is hurting that there is hope, and so I don't cover up my grief and put on a brave face before I am ready.
It is true each day gets better, but yesterday was hard.
My dad decided he wanted my mom's sewing room cleaned out.
I was not ready to do this yet. But He is so...we cleaned.
I also went through nearly every drawer and book and so many things.
My mom told me in the hospital that she wouldn't say goodbye to me.
That she had written me letters and hid them all over her house.
I have yet to find anything. so my mom is either a really good hider or a good lair.
Everyone else thinks she is a lair, but I have hope, my dad had seen her writing letters a few days before.
I want to think it is true, but I guess I will never know.
But I did have a hard time, that is like her sacred area. It went fine til I found her wedding rings and the ring my daddy gave her for their anniversary a few years ago.
My mom was creative, she sewed and crocheted and painted.
So I brought it home, and added it to my ever over flowing home, that is about to hemorrhage at the seems.
Also, I opened my eyes enough to realize Ian was grieving as much as I was. He was just showing it differently. I am trying to be patient and soft but it is so hard. It hurts. I cry at night most of the nights. and every day it isn't as much as I go day to day.
Today is a new day, I will go on.
step by step one at a time.
Thank God for friends who sit and call and encourage me, quietly and lovingly.
Thank you dear faithful readers for patience as I journey this dark place.
It gives me comfort knowing you are all there.
Be blessed today
Always
Suszi
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