I wanna go Home...

Good morning friends,

Today started out good, but had brought pain back, like when you peel off a scab, before it is healed.

It bleeds and rips and is raw and hurts.

My cousin died last night, he was young, had a family and people who loved him.

It was so painful yet good to be able to say "Just cry" or I know how you feel.

My first thought was I need to call my mom and dad. OK sadness.

When I got the call this morning I could hear the weariness of the situation. The inability to know what to do next. The loss of part of you. The decisions that you couldn't make with a clear mind, now you have to make under duress. The bubble you feel like your in, time stands still, while the world goes on, you can see those outside, but it is fuzzy, and you can't hear anyone outside, just those few who are with you on the inside.

It is a safe bubble but a painful place. Where tears fall freely and no one needs to know what is wrong. 

The bubble bursts eventually and facing the world and catching up is harder, Going on with life, when that makes you sadder. The guilt you feel for going on and the sharp pain of it. But it does get better each day and though it hurts still it becomes more bearable. Your memories of that person are hyper vivid, each picture a reminder of times of fun and love. 

Come to me all who are weary, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

Resting in Gods arms is what gets you through. Allowing you to rest in Him. To lean on Him and His word.

Finding joy even if it is a little chuckle at first. I have learned you can have sorrow and joy together.

Side by side, they are emotions that are so close in the spectrum of things. I always believed you could only have one emotion at a time, but As I feel sorrow in my soul and continue to grieve, my mind finds joy and laughter, anxiety, frustration.

Life Goes on, even if we take a break for a while.

The most important thing I have learned is that so many things are not important.

Trivial things don't matter, but eternal things are the only priority.

Whenever I hear of someone dying the first thing I think is will I see them in Heaven?

Did their souls get ministered to? Did the first person they see when life faded was Jesus?

Knowing my mom loved God and As she died the last thing she said was "I see Jesus" gave my soul comfort knowing she was in heaven. 

She always said she was home sick for heaven, and wanted to go home. 

Until my mom died I understood that in theory, but now I know it in my spirit. 

Now I wanna go home. For the funeral my sister-in-law rewrote a song for my mom and I will try and post it on my Facebook page, but it is called "I wanna go Home" an amazing rewrite, and sung by a extremely talented musician in Australia. 

I used to be scared of death, but now I understand my moms longings.

I wanna go Home.

Be blessed today

Always

Suszi