Grief cycles....words from Momma....

Good morning friends,

I thought I would share where I am.

This grief cycle was most fitting for me.

While looking for this I found the poem above, and it gave me peace.

I would first like to say Thank you to those friends who are praying for me and those who have just sat and let me cry or sleep and just were here for me.

I have spent the last 2 days in bed, mostly because of lack of sleep. but also out of depression, I am sure.

I spend most of the night crying, so my sleep cycle was messed up.

Dave stayed home yesterday and was just here for me, he is an amazing man.

I am right at the bottom of this cycle. Lonely and hurting and so sad, feeling sorry for myself, and total lack of wanting to do anything. This morning I finally feel it lifting a bit. I truly hope it is short lived.

But I will bear it and go on. I am to tired and hurting to pray it seems but, I have talked to God anyway, and I just sit on His lap. He knows my heart, and I am so glad cause it feels so dark right now. I feel so many overwhelming emotions, it is hard to know what to feel. 

Loneliness (missing momma), anger (at the cigarettes), sadness (for my daddy), Relief (her suffering is over), Upset (my brothers arnt reaching out to me, but then neither am I), Thankful (for amazing friends and church family) short tempered (grrr) overwhelmed (life must go on) and peace (knowing God has this in control)

and also thankful for  you all my faithful readers, I want to send you hope and to write to you and it gives me something to look forward too.

Thank you for being on this journey with me and for all your encouragement.

I am trying to plan things for months to come, a cookie exchange, Thanksgiving, Christmas, so I can go ahead and I will.

I hate crying and I am angry it doesn't burn calories cause I would weigh 90 pounds right now.

Today I will be slow, and I suppose I should bathe, and comb my hair. Or my friends wont come help or be with me. My friends are here for a few days to organize and help me clean. To go with me to daddy's.

Going to hug my kids close today.

Please keep my family in your prayers today,

and as always be blessed today.

Always

Suszi