Grace goes both ways...

Good Morning friends,

Last time I told you of my prayer, little did I know how that would rock my world, or how dangerous those few little words would be.

Well what happens next was the most painful time in my life.

When I prayed,  I had no idea that the one thing I was putting before God was my family.

The thought of losing one of my parents consumed me. Their dying would be and was my worst and hugest fear. But was I thinking THAT over God? Yep, everyday for years I worried would today be the call about them dying? I had no idea how I would live if they died. 

Well that was all taken care of one day. I now know about why that day started like it did, and I also know who started the mess. But it was through whispers and little nudges, from an outside party. Someone who wanted so badly to be a part of our family and be loved by my parents they just didn't understand that which they wanted, was the thing they were destroying. After the day by brother disowned me so did the rest of my family, no one except my oldest brother talked to me. It was my worst night mare I not only lost my parents but everyone in between. I grieved for weeks. 

But the one thing that came out of that whole mess, was my boundaries. Not long ago I talked about God allowing bad things to happen, so He could be glorified. Well that is what happened. Instead of running to my earthly father and mother I ran to HIM. I was broken in a way I never knew existed, Little did I know that that was merely preparation time for what was to come. Had my momma or daddy died  right then I would have be devastated to the most horrific degree, but since they had done the whole disowning thing, I was able to detach myself from them and that fear. I was able to set up boundaries and learn to hold them strong. So I eventually made-up with my parents, and when it was time for my mom to die. I had boundaries and safeguards in place to protect me, and cover me from attack. And I really needed them. because you get a huge family together that isn't on speaking terms, then all grieving and tired. It could be a fiasco. God gave me such grace and peace through all of that time. I was able to not be offended and not to offend, to handle it with love and compassion. My brothers were blown away how calm I was, I know they were just waiting for their 5 year old sister to stomp her feet and want it her way no matter what. To their surprise she never showed up. They came in waiting for a fight and went away shocked. I know what grace is but, never in my life have I gotten to see first hand pure grace. I even am in awe of the entire situation. I had such peace and a sense of calm I was able to handle everything so well.Of course after the funeral, all those who didn't appreciate or want me to make decisions for my mom, all conveniently disappeared when the bill for the funeral showed up. So not only did I get to see grace from them to me, I have had to have abundant grace after for others, but I will send them all Christmas cards that say your gift was our moms funeral. hehehe not really but I think it would be funny. Anyway today is the first day in a while I feel like I can breath, the grief is a little less heavy and hard to bear. But Christmas is coming wayyyyy to soon and that I am not happy about.
But that is for another day.

Have a blessed and grace filled day

Always 

Suszi