Beauty for ashes...

Good Morning friends,

I'MMMMM BACCCCKKK

I missed you all and it was almost physically painful that I couldn't write to you.

Thank you for your patience and loyalty.

Whilst I was gone I had a conversation with a friend and it gave me a different perspective on the things I say here. How Satan can use words meant for good to be used to cause harm.

(used with permission)

This is a copy of our conversation.

(Friend)I know you realize I do not follow it anymore. I was. But I started getting angry about it. You would post statuses expressing unhappiness or being sick or troubles and your blog came across all uplifting. I felt conflicted as if you were putting on a front for the blog to be consistent when you were miserable. And it felt wrong to me. It was causing me to allow Satan's anger and ugly in. Then I felt jealous at how well it was doing when my own I could not even work on. See that patterned web Satan spins? So I stopped following to pray about it. And for me and for you. I thought you deserved an explanation. I love you.

(Me) no i am so glad you told me. it is a hard thing to understand but God has given me such peace and joy in such a horrific time in my life. and no it is just me bare and truthful i want people to see who I am and what God is doing in my life so maybe they have hope

im sorry i upset you and i am so glad you told me

(Friend)Satan's lies upset me. Not you:) Thank-you for your grace and forgiveness honey.

I am so glad this person was a good friend and was honest about what her feelings.

I never ever want anything I say to be used for harm.

I know it seems weird also that I have such a joy it just doesn't seem right.

I really wish I could explain to you the enormous amount of hurt and pain I have felt the past 4 months,

but also the enormous amount of peace and joy I get from God. I see how it could look like a exaggeration, or a lie. Believe me I am the most surprised by it myself. 

There was a time earlier this year when I though I had all I could handle, but them 4 people died and my family went through a ton of turmoil, and life got even harder, to the point I wish I could go back to that time and not have had to go through what I have endured since.

I guess when you don't have anything more to give God and you are at your lowest that is where He is.

Because He doesn't need anything from me but me. I have nothing to give Him and nothing to prove.

I am empty. Hurt has made me numb. All I could feel is Joy. Like an old sponge dried up and worthless

and even one drop of water starts bringing it back to life. I love the quote "When you are down to nothing, God is up to something." 

I would love to say that was enough, but I still hurt and feel hollow, I laugh and have joy, but the pain is still there. I struggle everyday. I miss my mom and my friends. I hurt and cry. I feel alone in a crowded room. I have hope because I have Jesus. Laughter is so healing, it is like a warm rain, it feels like it cleanses the soul. It helps with the pain but, doesn't remove it. I don't know when or if I will ever not feel it. I don't have all the answers in life but, I know who does. 

I love the song

Beauty for ashes.

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

When sorrow seems to surround you
When suffering hangs hangs heavy o'er your head
Know that tomorrow brings wholeness and healing
God knows your need, just believe what He said

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

When what you've done keeps you from moving on
When fear wants to make itself at home in your heart
Know that forgiveness brings wholeness and healing
God knows your need just believe what He said

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

I once was lost but God has found me
Though I was bound I've been set free
I've been made righteous in His sight
A display of His splendor all can see

I once was lost but God has found me
Though I was bound I've been set free
I've been made righteous in His sight
A display of His splendor all can see

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

He gives beauty for ashes
Strength for fear
Gladness for mourning
Peace for despair

Songwriters
Randy L. Scruggs; John W. Thompson

When my mom went into the hospital this last time, this song played over and over in my head. I had to trust these words, when I had nothing.

I never understood the words until I had to live them. Mourning, fear, despair.

But God promises Strength, peace and gladness.

Yes times are hard but God makes all things possible.

Many times I would post things on my personal page for prayer or encouragement from those close to me, I try to give hope and Jesus here on my blog. It gives me hope to help you find hope. 

I never want to give a wrong impression or cause confusion ever. What I write here is from God. I hurt and He lives. His love is eternal and His grace is boundless.

The past few days have been extra hard for me. No real reason for it but, hard none the less. I am going to sing today and find the joy only He can bring.

Be blessed today.

Always 

Suszi