Good Morning friends,
I realize my posts have been irregular and I appreciate all the support and encouragement I get from all of you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your prayer and for speaking life into me.
I would love to say Happy day and I feel better, but I cannot.
But I thought I would start helping you understand my process of things and maybe you will find hope or be able to reflect someday and be encouraged if you are ever in this place.
MY JOURNEY.
Today I want to explain my Journey.
Many of you have followed me from the start and for that I feel blessed.
But for every journey there is a time of preparation. Packing, shopping, making lists, weeding out what isn't needed, getting all the documents in place, money saved and getting the proper size luggage.
But it all starts with a desire to go somewhere.
Where did I want to go?
If you have never gone to a travel agent, it is an experience many do not get anymore. Things are so easy now, but to get a ticket you used to have to go to someone who knew what they were doing and even if you didn't really know that person you had to trust that they knew what to do.
First you have to want to go somewhere though..
You don't just get up in the morning and say "Ok, today I will travel" No it is a process.
Somewhere somehow you get a tiny thought or desire to, idea. Ads on TV, Poster, story from a friend etc... Wow that would be a great place to visit.
Something in your mind takes that tiny grain of sand (thought) and works it til
a pearl of an idea comes out.
Many years ago, I took classes on public speaking, and found joy. (Sand)
But more importantly earlier this year that idea became so strong in my spirit.
God was building experiences for a long time and it just seemed one day I was given a pearl.
The thought and desire I had, one day turned into, the preparation phase of the journey.
I knew God was calling me. There was a moment when I knew it wasn't just my desire anymore but a direct call from God. I would love to be able to tell you how I knew. But it was more like it lodged in my chest and nearly hurt, I wanted to do it so bad, and the more I prayed the stronger it got.
I guess more then not I feel the opposite, when I know I shouldn't do something or have said or done something wrong, and God applies conviction, and you can think of nothing else til you fix what you broke. I HAVE DONE THAT A LOT. I tend to have to learn from my mistakes. A LOT.
So it was that same kind of conviction only in a positive way. It created a longing. But unlike the times when I ran before God in things and fouled them up, I didn't want that. That, I am a master at doing. The business world calls it motivation or being a self starter. Yeah well I am more like a dog smelling meat. I will do whatever it takes to get it. Plow through any obstacle to get to the prize. to hell with the disaster I leave in my wake.
This was different, I KNEW that isn't a lesson I needed to repeat. I am not patient. If I know what needs to do I do it. And that is a admirable quality that is not always a positive thing.
So here is what I did with my pearl. I prayed.
I knew this was different. So I did what I thought was a simple first step.
A little prayer not large and wordy, just this.
God, Take whatever it is in my life, that would come before you. Those things which would puff me up and not glorify You God, please take them out of my life. I want this desire to be all about YOU and nothing of me. Amen
Took me a whole 15 seconds to pray.
15 seconds that have rocked me to the core of my being. I mean I don't do drugs, or smoke or drink much, computer time, friends ? So what could I have that huge to overcome that I would put before God? Glad you asked.
That was prayed in April about the 15th. And had I known how powerful that prayer was, or how much pain and hurt I would feel, and how much loss I would experience, I would have kept my mouth shut. Gone on like status-quo. That I have learned is a powerful and dangerous prayer.
Step one was to start writing to you. Start a blog. Who would listen to me? I am awful at editing and writing. What would I talk about? People will always be correcting my grammar and talking about how stupid I am when I try to be funny. Talk about God? What? I love you God and I will tell others about you, if you want BUT, I am not a scholar, I cannot even spell that. I know nothing of apologetics or sermon structure or eloquence... I don't even know what those are.
(God is prompting me strongly)
OK OK OK I will just share what is in my heart.
No one will read it, what if I say something to embarrass my family?
What if I share about You God and I am wrong?
OK OK OK
I will write the dumb blog. Here we go...
That moment started my journey...
Not a big step, a baby step.
I do Not understand this,but I know I love God and I am His daughter
and that should count for something. Right?
Then He said through, radio messages, friends, sermons, songs
and all those ways He uses to speak to us.
DO NOTHING without HIM opening a door.
DO NOTHING under your own power and it will be blessed.
WHAT sit still? Don't run ahead and take care of things?
Sound like a story we have heard? Martha and Mary.
But God's work needs to be done, I got this,
I'll just take care of a few things and be right back...
What? SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP..
FINE. (pouting)
SITTING and SHUTTING now.
huhmmmphph.
I hate waiting......
I got this....
OK SITTING and SHUTTING....
OK Ok Ok ...
ok......o..k...
Sitting on the step, arms crossed defiantly across my chest, with my head down.
Steam coming out my ears.
And so my journey began.
Be blessed
Always
Suszi
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