"Can I live without my dream, to do the will of God?"

Good Morning friends,

Yesterday was the 24th anniversary of mine and Dave's engagement.

I never dreamed we would be together this long. It has been the best 5 years of my life (hehehe)

Truly I would love to say, we have been happily married for all those years, but truthfully it has been hard. Not wedded bliss, but years of figuring it all out. We are finally at the point in our marriage that we like each other, and are enjoying the company of the other, without driving the other crazy. 

Life is so funny this journey we take.

I had planned to go to college for fashion and clothing design in Texas, and I met Dave. It is weird now when I look back how easily those decisions were made, to change the course that was set.

To just slip down another path as though it were nothing. I just remember in my heart how I longed to be a wife and mother. That truly being my real dream in life. So that may have been the reason it was so easy to change course. 

I have often wondered "What if?"and I have often thought "What am I doing here ?" but God has a way to make me remember why I love this man so much and why I chose him.

Just this past January I started writing a journal, and the first few pages includes a contract of sorts, saying I will honor him forever and give him my heart. You see when we got married I wanted the submission part taken out. "I'll be darned if I am gonna OBEY any man" oh my have the last 24 years shown me the error of my ways. Oh and could our marriage been so much sweeter had I really promised to do that right away. In my mind I thought Obey was like a weak or abusive type thing, not a loving and Godly thing. Submission does not come easy to me. Once I learned that serving and listening to and taking hold of what my husband wants, life became so much easier. He is so much smarter then me, definitely more grounded then me. And being submissive isn't a negative thing at all, it brings joy and confidence and security, all the things we as women want.   

I'm not saying I just figured this all out, but it has been a process, I am thick headed Irish Hillbilly to the core and things have to seep in slowly for me to absorb them.

The latest part of my journey in submission is the finance class were taking at church. I told him to take it and let me know what to do. I had no time or desire to deal with that, it felt like I was heaping on one more thing to my already over the top life and I thought it would be the thing to break me. Boy was I wrong AGAIN. The teacher Ben said I had to come to the class, and I refused and finally I went but not because I was happy to be there, but because I knew it would make Dave happy. So I went. Kicking and screaming, guess what? I LOVE IT. I have never felt so in control. I'm a planner and it makes sense and it isn't a foreign language to me. It just goes to show you how God will bless your submission. I'm actually excited about becoming debt free and changing how we do things. AND teaching my son how to do it right so he doesn't end up like us struggling for years.

Watching my parents now struggle because my dad didn't know how to manage money is so hard and I don't want my children or grandchildren to have to go through the same thing.

I want to be able to help people, and give but when there is nothing to give, your robbing Peter to pay Paul. So yes life is funny this journey, one day you are going North then in a split second your going South, and being flexible with God and able to be moved is what He needs from a servant. Not a stoic and stubborn person. 

So today ask yourself "Am I mold-able and move-able?" 

"Can I live without my dream, to do the will of God?"

Be blessed today

Always 

Suszi