It is rock bottom time

Hello friends,

I know my posts have been few and far between.

My life feels as though it spiraled out of control and I have no idea how to stop it.

Very little sleep has me feeling like a zombie, and of course all the little things I said I would do for people ended up happening in the same week. 

But the end is in sight. Wedding reception- done, VBS-set up and running beautifully, Baby shower #1. gorgeous,  now to finish the prep for baby shower #2.  

All these things in themselves wouldn't be hard at all, but they all landed in the same week, and my mom has also been in the hospital the whole time. 

Now My family has once again let me down. I truly thought that the last disappointment was the bottom, but now I have hit it. Lies abound and people are mad and I am left hurting worse then ever.

It is hard to find joy and grace when you are so tired and cannot barely function.

I have slept for 3 nights now and feel no where near rested. I am unmotivated and weary. I struggle to write and keep my thoughts captive. So what now? It is time for me to take care of me. If I don't I fear total collapse and rest will do me good. The one nice thing about being at your bottom in life is that there are no decisions on which way to go, UP is all there is. I guess curling up and dying at the bottom is an option, but not for me. I don't like change but I must deal with it. And I must rise above and go on and grow and overcome adversity.  It makes me think of the old Christmas show "Santa Claus is coming to town" and the winter wizard, he didn't know how to change and so he sang  "Put one foot in front of the others and soon you'll be walking out the door" 

So today I concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other and even if I make 3 steps forward and 2 steps back I need to rejoice in the progress even if it is hard. 

I am going to find joy and new life in this situation, even if it is slow and painful.

I will have a whole life again, I will be rested and thinking clearly once again, I WILL OVERCOME and live a life pleasing to God. 

Thank you for following me through this dark time, and for praying for me and my family, and for joy.

Be blessed today

Always

Suszi