Coming back.....HE IS GOD

Good Morning friends,

I know it has been so long since I have blogged and I am sorry.

I felt as though all I was doing was whining and complaining.

It has taken me a while to come to grips with my new life.

I guess the hardest part for me emotionally is the hopelessness you feel.

How you feel it is pointless to be alive. Not that I have that choice.

There HAS to be a reason for this pain. 

I am so tired of hearing, "I understand, because _______".

I cannot explain to you in mere words the pain I feel, physically, mentally and spiritually.

I hate not being a part of life. I hate feeling left out cause you know I won't come anyway.

I hate not feeling vital. 

Those of you who know me personally, know I am not a sit down person.

Yet, here I sit.

I miss life, miss friends and Independence.

I plan little, and always over do it.

I wish so badly to make others understand, to be an advocate, to teach.

No one seems to take the time to try, to understand.

Knowing people think you are faking or seeking attention is ridiculous.

I am capable of gaining attention in a positive way, with out the help of this damn disease.

I know others mean well, with their advice, about eating , exercises, life.....

But until you try to understand what this is, how can you advise?

I wear a spoon. A spoon for courage, strength and hope.

A reminder that my joints might not always hurt, That my toes that are swollen, wont always be, that my tongue that has constant sores may not hurt forever.

I stand on the verse

I know God is near, I know He heals, I know He wants wellness. I don't understand why?

But I stand firm knowing HE IS GOD.

When I wake and cannot move.HE IS GOD.

When my body goes numb and tingly, HE IS GOD.

When my toes and fingers swell, HE IS GOD.

When my mind is dark and brooding, HE IS GOD

When hopelessness abounds HE IS GOD

When my spoons are gone, HE IS GOD

When I worry if today may not turn into tomorrow

HE IS GOD

When I cannot pray, because there are no words HE IS GOD

When others need me, and I wonder how can I help them. HE IS GOD.

When I see joy on a child's face, HE IS GOD.

When my husband prays for my pain, HE IS GOD

when my child learns to understand why I cannot, HE IS GOD.

When I can't, HE IS GOD.

All I know in this life that is certain or true, that is a certainty, that is without question is...

HE IS GOD.

Be blessed today 

and thank you for encouraging me back Nan

Always

Suszi