Love: Not a feeling, but a choice .

Good Morning friends,

I have had Marriage on my mind a lot lately. So may reasons to think about it...We have been together 25 years this year, friends marriages hurting, new weddings being planned, the entire gambit of marriage situations.
There have been thousands of books written on the topic but only one is needed

Ephesians 5:25-28
Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.

In today's society it is unbelievable to be married a long time. I remember I was in high school before I met anyone with divorced parents. Now I am a rarity having been married 25 years. I had several good examples of marriage my parents who were married 58 years, and Dave's grandparents who have been married 67 years. I look at both of those marriages and see one thing very clear, they served one another. They give their all to one another. We as a generation are like spoiled children, we want it our way, or no way. They are even thinking of doing a temporary marriage certificate some place I heard. What is the point.
A friend asked me how many years I had been married, I told her 25 but 8 have been good but not in succession. Which is so true. Society wants it fast, perfect and effortless. Well those are things marriage will never be. It is hard, frustrating and painful. But worth every minute. I would love to say we have been together 25 wonderful years, but nope. So how do you change your spouse? you don't. You need to remember the one you fell in love with. That young person with a life time of adventure ahead. Our adventure was nothing like I envisioned. I was pregnant when we got married so it was never really just the 2 of us. and shortly after I gave birth I hurt my knees and ended up having 7 surgeries and spent nearly 3 years in a wheel chair or bed ridden. We learned a lot about the better or worse then. Dave was amazing he did things taking care of me and a child that most men would have walked away from. We had a few really rough times, and once I left him, I said I would only come back if he did this whole list of things. I thought well I guess were done cause he won't do half of that...NOPE he did them all and then some. We have lasted through many struggles and changes. We were super young when we married I was 18 and Dave was 21. Just babies, stupid and immature. Baggage a LOT of baggage came with us to. So much it took years to unpack and go through. Recently I heard a story of a woman who couldn't;t look at her husband at their wedding during the vows, ouch I did the same thing and never understand why, well it is because I had given a huge part of myself away to other guys, and when I found "Mr. Right" it was to late. Despite the very hard and rocky parts of our marriage there were also great times. Precious times. Times I wouldn't trade of anything. Both the good and the bad make us who we are. I was not the person I am today at 18 and neither was Dave.  we are better people.. Oh I am not saying we don't have issues cause we do. I'm saying were in it for the long haul. There comes a point in marriage that the "love" we felt seems gone. That is a moment of truth for many couples. That is the point many breakup. That is the point you have to decide I choose to love that person, I chose Him//her forever. There are days (weeks) where we can't stand the other person, but They are ours, and for better or worse we vowed to make it. I am not the easiest person to be with, I am selfish, demanding, particular and crazy. But I love my husband and oddly enough he still loves me after all this time.
That statement right there is what keeps me going. He loves me when I am unlovable, and stubborn. He is my best friend and I am so lucky I have him, even though he makes me crazy most days. For all the trials just the past year would have broken many marriages and has stretched ours to the limit, but bent is NOT broken and we are dedicated to straightening out, not because we "Love" each other but because God loves us. God ordained our marriage, God alone holds us together. We never pray together enough or barely see each other enough, we can't sleep in the same bed and life at our house is no where in the same universe calm and easy. Dave is here and most days I am too. Being together even when we don't like each other much. Sharing the chaos and craziness and figuring out our lives with sickness and pain, he is faithful because we know God is faithful. Dave and I cannot fix anything. GOD CAN. He will and we will once again adapt and go on. I could never make it alone but I don't have to. Dave and I take a day at a time, sometimes only a moment. God being the main reason and sometimes the only reason were together. We are stronger through Him. When God put a crazy Irish Hillbilly together with a reserved Norwegian and said" it is good" I know He had a smirk on His face.

Be blessed and remember not matter what phase of marriage you are in, put GOD first.

Always
Suszi

Rose colored glasses?

Good Morning friends,

SUMMER HAS BEGUN.

I LOVE having all my kids home and no schedule to keep. BUT

I am afraid the carefree days I hoped for are not so anymore.

My daughter has a Genetic abnormality and as she regresses it worsens. Her actions, mouth, attitude,

Have you ever known anyone with Alzheimer's? Well this is like that. They get fixated on a certain emotion and can't stop. EVER.  Frustration abounds at our house. The newest thing is she acts up when Dave gets home so he will yell at me. So most evenings at our house are chaos and stressful. This was all pretty tolerable until my symptoms got worse. Now I have to care for all this not feeling well, exhausted and frustrated.

I have to constantly give it to God. 

What I really want this summer is peace. To bearable to put flowers on my deck, and sit in a hammock but neither of those will happen now. Because getting the deck fixed cost a lot. oh well sorry for that pity party.

Anyway I guess coming to grips with my pain and Chrissy's illness and getting my house purged and my life in control, is the spot I am in. Today I don't like what I see. 

Today I think I will put on rose colored glasses and go on. Does anyone know what that means? 

Sorry for the frustration of today's post, Sleep eluded me, dreams haunted me, kids disobeyed me, coffee pot died, instant just doesn't cut it, and I can't find a job to work from my chair. So I will just have to put on my big girl pants and get over this. Please pray for us today.I need a bunch of  peace this day.

Thank you for being loyal readers, thought the ups and the downs. 

May you be blessed beyond measure.

Always 

Suszi

Susan ; Means Full of Grace.

Good Morning friends.

I know I talk a LOT about Grace. Maybe because my name means; Full of grace. As a child I thought it was something to do with how clumsy I was. I can walk into an empty room with one tiny rock on the floor and trip over that thing. Not the most graceful person ever. One thing I do strive to be is gracious. I have been reading "The ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning. I have read it several times so far and find something new every time it is so full of powerful lessons. The main theme of the book is Grace. Last night I was laying in bed thinking how best to illustrate grace. I am a visual person. The thing that came to mind was my daughter Helena, she played soccer for several seasons, I don't think they ever won more than 2 games total. That is the first place I saw where they gave everyone a trophy at the end of the season. "WHAT? What is wrong with these people? Don't they know they aren't teaching our kids anything? You don't get awards for being bad! You have to EARN the reward. Stupidest thing I ever heard of. " That was how I felt about it. Ok so I am a little over the top.
As I lay there last night I thought of that instance. We are those soccer players, We don't get judged by our wins/losses ratio or our MVP status. We are rewarded just for the sake of the reward, just for being there. "Well What will that crap teach our kids?" Grace. Grace is not earned, yet rewarded. Grace cannot be bought, borrowed or stolen, it is not deserved, but have it we do. Why? because WE SHOWED UP.
God in His mercy, gives it as a gift. No strings attached. It isn't like we have to explain to God what is in our hearts, He knows what we are thinking, doing and feeling. He created us. Our little minds have a hard time grasping how God is so much bigger then us and is all knowing. We may have skeletons in our closets, but God knows they are there. He built the closet, for goodness sakes. He knows EVERYTHING. We can't hide from Him. We don't deserve Him, But we GET Him. We have forgiveness, we have grace, we have unmerited favor. Grace is unmerited. I am a loud, tell it like it is, lay it all out and pick up the pieces later kind of person. I talk before I speak. I am bossy and manipulative and spoiled. I want my way and guess what? GOD KNOWS THAT. He knows my thoughts, my actions, my reactions. That is what grace is to me. The fact that I am who I am and it doesn't matter to Him. The more flawed we are the easier it is to understand grace. People who have nothing to give Him, have an easier time coming to Him, because they have nothing to prove. The "righteous" have a harder time. Those who "know" God, feel like they need to prove something to Him. That we need to "Get to the next level " in our Christian walk, so we what? Gain importance? Have a higher standing in church? Have a good reputation? What really matters to Him? That we love Him!
That we love others! that we understand we ARE sinners. But he loves us all the same, Mother Theresa and Marilyn Manson. We are ALL His children. And we ALL get that Grace. It is boundless. It comes with no strings attached. It is FREE. It is right here. Stop beating yourself up over pleasing Him. Just come to Him flaws and all and He will be right there with arms open wide. Have you ever hugged a very smelly person? You maybe gagging and holding your breath, but you hug them anyway? God does just that. Smelly, dirty, sinful. Wraps His arm's around us and squeezes. Just as we are. It is quite simple really. Hug Back! Absorb His grace, and you then can learn to hand out medals to those around us, And ourselves. To accept them, even when we know we don't deserve them.

Be blessed today and full of grace.

Always
Suszi