Treasured trash

Good morning friends,

I have my mind on reusing the old to make new.

Maybe cause I am a picker and love junk.

I love taking something ugly or unwanted and making it lovely.

So many people come to my house and say wow I never would have thought of doing that.

Trash into treasure.

Isn't that what God does to us?

We are essentially garbage, full of sin and pain. Worth nothing to so many.

To God though, we are a priceless treasure. 

He looks to that old patina, cracked paint and split wood to see the treasure beneath.

Sometimes that age and wear and tear are what make it valuable.

How often do we look past something that is "ugly" so quickly.

If it was shiny and beautiful you would say "Oh, that is stunning" but,crusty and worn it doesn't have a WOW factor, so we deem it less valuable.

Is that really how God sees us? or does He even see the exterior? I really think He just looks at the heart. 

Kinda like an inferred map, it shows where people are by body heat. I think God kinda sees us that way, as more of colors that show how "Hot" we are and less about our appearance.

I think many times we don't even have to "tell" people you love Jesus, but if your heart is so in love with Him and your life shows it you don't even have to "witness" I think that your life speaks loud and clear.

I have had people say "sorry" I acted that way to me, and I had never said anything to them.

When I was little I had a shirt that said "God don't make junk".

That was probably a premonition of things to come. 

No matter what we think of ourselves, God sees value. He will pull you out of the refuse pile, and clean you up and show the world your worth. 

As with many things the nicks and scars need to show, to show the age, and those are what tells the story.

So are you someone who can look past the refuse and dirt? maybe the smell and grime to see the worth?

The homeless man who may be a genius. Or the dirty child who is bouncing off the walls. Can we look past the obvious? Can we see value? Worth?

Can we see it in ourselves? Does God see your value? 

He sees your worth.

He sees your value.

He bought you in the condition you were in.

He looks past the filth and unattractiveness.

Past the exterior and only sees the heart of the matter.

He loves us reguardless of what we have done or are.

He loves us. period.

Values us.

We are worth it.

Valuable.

Be blessed today

Always 

Suszi

God use me

Hello friends,

Do you ever feel like you life is hopeless? or that you cannot measure up?

Or no matter what you do your failing? 

This week I had the opportunity to talk to someone who didn't care whether she went to Heaven or Hell.

I got to share my heart with her, sitting in my chair, so sick I couldnt even walk. God brought her to me.

I didn;t have a formula or read the right verses and I'm  sure had a pastor or theologian been there they would have corrected me. When the conversation started all I prayed and thought was "Here we go, help me have the words and speak your heart Jesus." We didn't talk about how you need to have these 6 things to get into heaven. We talked about life, How it sucks and is hard, and confusing and how our guilt over not being able to follow the rules is going to get us a one way ticket to hell. God softly reminded me so I could tell her that He dosen't care if we have a ministry, pray 3 times a day, wear the right clothes, or say the right words. He wants us to love Him. Period. It isnt hard. He loves us regardless and unconditionally. I drink and swear, yell at my kids, hate my husband at times, I get angry and frustrated. He doesn't care. I try to hold myself to a certain "Christian" standard. But I am who I am. I never want people to think me a hypocrite or a fool. Inn the past few years as God has taken me on this journey, I have felt pain deeper, loss more profoundly, and no joy at all. The one word I have stood on is "There may be pain in the night, but the joy come in the morning." Im still waiting for that morning, God loves me. The physical pain is unbearable and the drugs are worse. The loss and deep gaping hole where my mom should be hurts so fresh daily. The fear of the future, Feeling worthless because I cannot serve or cannot give to God, frustration knowing the kids I raise are molded by the words I say and my actions and not being able to get through a day without failing so profoundly, 

You see I am a raggamuffin. unwashed, bearfoot, weeping, dirty hurting soul. I cry to God to help and know He will. But is it to little to late? Have I spent my life wrong? What is the point? I look at the outlook I have right now and I can barley walk who in the heck is He going to use me to do anything? He shows me dreams and visions of things I dont understand. He is setting a path I don't have the energy or stamina to even begin to walk. But yet He uses me right in the chair I occupy 20 hours a day or more. uses my brokenness, and mental instability, despite myself. I share with you if the pain isn't to bad and He gives me the words to say. But why? why me? Im fat and angry and lonely and hurting. How is it He can use me. I stumble around and I cannot articulate well but He says write. So I do. I am not a writer. I am a typer and not a good one. He uses me anyway, Am I hypocrite? some may say yes. But I don't profess to be anything I am not. I am so far from the mark I rarely see the target. But He uses me. I don't read the word daily, I know is should, but I do meditate on the Word I have memorized half at least of the Old and nearly all of the new testament. I learned these words as a child and I still today lean on them. I am tormented with thoughts and feelings, God uses me. I take so many medications just to live but God uses me. I suffer from dark depression and feelings of hopelessness but God uses me. I am nothing, and nobody but God uses me.

I used to dance and laugh and sing, but I don't anymore. God uses me. I cry for peace for the pain to stop. God uses me. I am uneducated and unkempt most of the time and God uses me. I have little hope for the future and regrets of the past, God uses me, I lay awake all night wondering what next God? He uses me.

I try and attempt to raise 2 children who arnt biologically mine and wonder "What were you thinking God?" I'm a mess how can I do this without messing them totally up? God uses me,

Most times I feel like a colossal joke. God uses me. 

Being broken allows you to see the broken.  Being hurt makes you feel the others hurt.

Being angry and frustrated allows you to understand anger and frustration.

God use me. Use me everyday. I'm the muck and mire. In the times of low as well as high. Use my words, my heart to touch someone for you. If I cannot go out You bring them to me. Let My hands be yours. let my footsteps be yours. let me glorify you in my words and my typing, No longer do I want to sit and not be used. God use me. Make me so used my you and consumed by your grace. God use me,

Amen

Always

Suszi 

Love is not a feeling, it is a choice.

Good morning friends,

Well today marks a pretty special day. It is our 25th wedding anniversary.

WOW I never thought I would love this long much less be married this long hehee.

I would love to say it has been 25 wonderful and blissful years. UMM NO, reality is it has been about 8 wonderful years, not in a row either. One day at a time. But I guess that is what marriage is all about, not bliss but contentment. I went into our marriage with quite a different outlook then I have today. There was noway I would ever be submissive, I didn't care what the Bible said. If I wasn't happy I could just leave. It is just a piece of paper and a ring, it doesn't mean much. BOY was I wrong.First of all I married above my class. A well to do upper middle class boy from the suburbs, who went to country clubs and a private college. I was a poor lower class country girl, who was so hillbilly she didn't know what salad tongs were. Yes, really. Apparently God knew what He was doing though. Later we both figured out we were both at the point where we were sick of just dating and wanted a something lasting. We were so young, Dave was 21 and I was 18, just months out of High School. Dave and I met in April of 1989, started dating May 18th, 89, were engaged by July 14th, 89 and married October 21, 89. My mom always said our wedding was truly ordained by God because every step was easy and fell into place. The church, venue, caterer, etc... all had the date we wanted open. That never happens. So October 21, 1989 with 500 of our friends and family we were joined. People ask how we managed to stay together, well I have no idea other then God. I married a Grudem, they are very stubborn, Scandinavian,oldest child, don't show your feelings, private man. I am and Irish hillbilly that never kept a secret her whole life, that never backed down, and would tell you exactly what she thought you should do, youngest child. Well in hind sight, being on meds sooner would have made a ton of difference, and the fact that both of us are stubborn, and the fact that we kept God a part of it, is why we are together a quarter of a century later. Not without major bumps and detours in life, mistakes and hardships, we endured so much together that now I cannot imagine doing it alone. People ask us now if we ever thought about divorce? Well right away we decided it was not something we would even say. One time I left and gave Dave the biggest list of ultimatums and knew he would never do any of it so I guess we were done. Within 2 weeks he had done ALL of the list items and then some and I knew, if he would go so far out of his comfort zone, to adhere to my many requests, he was worth another chance. Our marriage I would love to say was based in a loving, sweet, smoochy, unconditional love. It has not and is not. It Has been Hard, trying, frustrating and painful and I would not change one minute of it, because THAT is what makes us grow strong and solid. So many times I thought I cannot handle this "MAN" anymore and God would gently remind me of the reasons we were together. Most times by playing "Our Song" Cross my heart - by George Strait. 

Our love was unconditional
We knew it from the start
I see it in your eyes
You could feel it from my heart

From here on after
Let's stay the way we where
And share all the love and laughter
That a lifetime will allow

I cross my heart
And promise to
Give all I've got to give
To make all your dreams come true

In all the world
You'll never find
A love as true as mine

You will always be the miracle
That makes my life complete
And as long as there's still breath in me
I'll make yours just as sweet

As we look into the future
It's as far as we can see
So let's make each tomorrow
Be the best that it can be

I cross my heart
And promise to
Give all I've got to give
To make all your dreams come true

In all the world
You'll never find
A love as true as mine

And if along the way we find a day
It starts to storm
You've got the promise of my love
To keep you warm

In all the world
You'll never find
A love as true as mine

It is a testament to endurance, and learning that although we are so very different, and no matter the craziness of life, or the sickness or poverty, the pain and rejection. Staying together, through it all, toughing it out and learning to laugh is not the easiest option, but it is the right one. The main and only way we have stayed together is the simple fact we HAVE to have God the center. No matter what and no matter if we feel like it, we with God will not give up. NO MATTER WHAT!!! 

Love is not a feeling, it is a choice. 

Have a blessed day

Always

Suszi

Off the beaten path, He cares

                                  Good Morning friends,

 I was thinking I wouldn't write today, but I guess God has other plans. I didn't sleep last night, the joy of this illness is that if I have pain and take pain meds. I cannot sleep, if I grin and bear it, I cannot sleep. So therefore my day is starting out pretty groggy, and a little grouchy.

I know we all have down times, I seem to have many lately, but my prayer and hope are that one day life will be joy filled again, everyday. I pray and trust it will be so. This journey is like a National Lampoons vacation gone wrong. That is  very wrong. I need to learn to find joy where I am. in the minuet things so the joy can gain a foothold and take root again. I think part of my bleakness I'm feeling is the fact that winter is coming. Some of you may not understand, but here winter begins about the first part of November (if were lucky) and lasts til April. It is bitter cold, windy and very snowy. The past few years have been particularly hard. I can generally  keep busy but cabin fever sets in and you wonder why you live in this frozen tundra. I dream of moving to the South. As do many of my fellow Minnesotans. We have already seen snow this year, just a few flakes but it is coming. I hate going out in it and I hate how if affects my body. This journey I am on right now is surely unmapped and unplanned, but somehow and somewhere you got to trust that the outcome or end destination will amaze us.Sometimes I like to take shortcuts, or scenic byways. I am usually alone and I just start heading the direction I need to go, and drive. I always end up at my destination. Sometimes later then I had hoped but there none the less. On these little journeys, I have seen beauty, and amazing beauty. I am often amazed that God can make something so beautiful as nature, and very few people see it, either they don't look or don't care, regardless He still makes it splendid. I think we tend to think well if no one is going to see it, why spend so much time on it. God does it differently. He makes the flower far back in the woods off the path just as beautiful as the ones we see in the store. I often think of these times as moments of God's unconditional love. He in his vast wonder created a flower that only I would ever see. Or a flock of birds in the air will dance to a silent song, He wrote for only me. The way a leaf falls, in bright colors. The way an eagle soars.The beauty in a single snowflake. The sound of children laughing. All gifts, all often overlooked, or ignored because we are sooo busy. Is it so very hard to just stop for 30 seconds and remember the wonder of life? to pull over and watch the sunset, to breath in the moist air of Fall. ALL of us has those options but do we choose or spend so much time, going going goooooing, we forget? We pray "God, do you love me?" and feel His answer is no, or He isn't talking to us. He is. In quiet moments. Trips off the beaten path. Brilliant sunsets. The smell of the air. Those are Hugs and reassurances He is with us. He loves us. He cares so much, He gives us what we need but also sooo much more, if we only stop to see.

Be blessed today

Always

Suszi

Bad attitudes and overcoming.

Good Morning Friends,

Today I am in a real melancholy mood. So my hope is to lift your spirits  while lifting my own,

I have spent the past few days mad at my husband for stupid little stuff, and our anniversary is soon coming. 

My children once again proved to me yesterday why I do NOT take them in public by myself.

I had weird bad dreams all night. I woke up surly. But on a good note I Finally got the chin hair plucked that had been eluding me forever.

My body today is in control, hundreds of boils, lesions and sores, exhaustion and pain. I am so looking forward to the day I can say "Victory is MINE" but until that day comes I take solice in knowing God is in control. This to shall pass. I hope.

"If it doesn't kill you, it will make you stronger." Is something my mom always said. and I believe that, but in the midst of the pain and frustration, it is so hard to see beyond that and look to tomorrow.

I often think about when I stand in front of God on judgement day. I am in so much trouble. I do and think so many things wrong, I cant imagine what God is thinking. I understand grace and things like that but I know He is going to have a few things to say to me, that's for sure. I know He and my guardian angels face palm their heads daily. I know I fall short and come up lacking most of the time. I am trying though, and pray for grace and peace. We all make mistakes and fail. Life is to short to worry and fret over every mistake. I know I am not the ideal wife, but I have been with the same man for 25 years and I am proud of that. I am not a great mom, but I'm trying and that says a lot.  I guess my biggest frustration with life is right now is the fact that I hate change. I hate doing nothing, or getting so tired if I do I have to rest for 2 days. I hate sitting and not going. I hate having my body dictate my every action. , I know, I know God has a plan, but I'm really a fast learner, I get it. I am also not to patient.  I love that song "Overcomer"

Staring at a stop sign
Watching people drive by
T mac on the radio
Got so much on your mind
Nothing's really going right
Looking for a ray of hope

Whatever it is you may be going through
I know he's not gonna let it get the best of you

You're an overcomer
Stay in the fight 'til the final round
You're not going under
'Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it's hopeless
That's when he reminds you
That you're an overcomer
You're an overcomer

Everybody's been down
Hit the bottom, hit the ground
Ooh, You're not alone
Just take a breath, don't forget
Hang on to his promises
He wants you to know

You're an overcomer
Stay in the fight 'til the final round
You're not going under
'Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it's hopeless
That's when he reminds you
That you're an overcomer
You're an overcomer

The same man, the great I am
The one who overcame death
Is living inside of you
So just hold tight, fix your eyes
On the one who holds your life
There's nothing he can't do
He's telling you

You're an overcomer
Stay in the fight 'til the final round
You're not going under
'Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it's hopeless
That's when he reminds you
That you're an overcomer
You're an overcomer

You're an overcomer
You're an overcomer

See don't quit, don't give in
You're an overcomer

Don't quit, don't give in
You're an overcomer

Don't quit, don't give in
You're an overcomer

You're an overcomer

I guess we all have days, we have to overcome. Lies, trials and pain, we have to overcome.

I think we either overcome or we are undone. There is little choice in the matter. I cannot imagine not having that hope. Not having God who gives hope. 

Do you need hope today? 

It is actually so easy to find,

Just a short prayer away.

Believe me I pray for it often.

Be blessed today.

Always

Suszi

Finding your gift.

Good Morning friends.

I have had the craziest last week.

But you can breath a sigh of relief because I am back.

I had coffee with a friend the other day, so she could pick my brain about my writing.

I was so flattered. She is a writer. I am me. But the one thing it showed me during our talk was that I have a passion, Often when you have thoughts about something you enjoy, they are nice thoughts, but when you speak those thoughts, you hear the true meaning behind the words. Even though I am not a great writer, and definitely not a editor. I love sharing hope. I love making someone think, or encourage someone.

I am not an intellect but I am a lot deeper then I appear to be. Many people see me and think they know me right away, "She's quirky", "She is odd", "She is artistic", and on and on. few people have tried to dig deeper.

The spiritual side of me, the hidden thoughts, okay so that may be a scary place to go. I was genuinely flattered to be asked for my opinion. She is starting a blog and needed inspiration and a a little help. I am so excited for her. And I am quite sure I filled her head to over flowing, I don;t really have an off switch when I get talking. But I am so glad for her. I have heard people who run, say they have to run everyday. Their bodies won't let them stop. That is kinda how writing is with me. If I don't have time or have other things to do and cannot write one day I feel like something is missing. Something is undone. I like to write in the mornings, I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON. I feel God can use me better if I am not awake or yet to the point in my day I am frustrated or busy with the kids. Before I have my second cup of coffee and my brain is actually working, there are even days I don't know what I have really written about until I proof read something. I just want to convey the love of God and that their is hope. I am friends with so many people who really don't "believe" in God. and that is fine. Can I love these folks absolutely. For me it doesn't matter to me who you are, you deserve to be loved. Lifestyles I don't "agree" with or choices people make are ultimately up to them. I rarely give my opinion on those things unless they ask. What I can do is love and cherish each person. Love unconditionally, and accept willingly. I am the last person to feel holier than anyone. I am not a very good model of "Christianity". I get grouchy, and yell and swear, I have very little filter. I let frustration get to me. I hurt and complain and definitely don't act pious. But I love God, I love people, and I love hope. If one persons life can be given a little hope today or given enough hope to get them through a bad day until they see a new day tomorrow, I guess I have done my best. Pray today. "How can God use me despite my faults and weaknesses?" He will but if you pray, be willing to go if He says move,

Be blessed today

Always

Suszi

Worry Warts

                                                      Good morning friends,
Do you know a worrier? I worry very little because it doesn;t help.
I have one child who worries. I guess it is part of life.
In Matthew 6 (Message) says: “If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
There are so many verses in the Bible about worry. I think God is trying to tell us something. I have a lot of people ask me why don;t you worry about this or that? I don't know..There are some worries I have, but when God tells us He can handle it, and our worring isnt going to help, we should listen. Can you think of times you worried for nothing? He promises He will supply all our needs. One thing God has done in my life I am so thankkful for is my job. Feeling the way I do, I could never work a normal job. But when I found out facepainting could make money, and I let God do all the work and just relax He does it all.  Today is a headache day, so I have to trust him today to give me rest. I have been feeling so good, my body is saying "SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP" or maybe it is God. reguardless Give your worries to God, He's got this.

Have a blessed day.

Always

Suszi