Heading into the great unknown

Good Morning friends,

I know, I know it has been a long time...sorry I have no excuse.

Let me tell you about my weekend adventures.

I worked which was good, but I also attended a women's day out the local christian radio station put on. WOW was I blessed. I couldn't attend the whole thing because of work so I came and went but it seemed for the sessions I could be there were ordained to be for me..Isn't God amazing? The first session was about beauty, the second was a mother who lost her son 3 weeks ago, and the last was my friend Kim Gravel talking about taking a first step into our destiny. It was so needed as if God himself just came and talked to me. 

God has called me. He has given me a direction and a job to do. and nearly all my bags are packed and I am very ready for the next step of this journey. It just requires a small step forward. a step of faith and courage...a step forward. But, I'm scared..... but I am bigger than my fears, I'm comfortable where I am..But sometimes God needs our discomfort to move us into His path for us. I don't know what is going to happen next......God does and sometimes for our own good we need to trust and let Him have control. THAT is hard for me. 

This particular journey requires NO assistance from me. When God showed me what He required of me, the main thing was to not take a single step unless He ordained it. That is also Hard for me. I am a doer, a grab the bull by the horns and get stuff done kinda person. So to say sit down and shut up until I say go. That is hard for me...really hard. 

IT IS TIME...

Despite my weight, my money situation, my kids, my husband, my job, my life being perfect....Those and a thousand excuses I have, do not work on God.

He says go..go...go. and like a child holding its mamas leg when she is leaving. kicking and screaming... I will release my fears and concerns and GO. 

One step...

and I am stepping...

STEP.....shaking 

STEP.....

I got this..

STEP

Here I go

andddd

STEP...

My baby is having a baby

Good Morning friends,

Today I'm happy to announce 

I'M GOING TO BE A GRANDMA!!!

I'm just a little excited.

I have been waiting for this my whole life.

I was so excited when they told us.

But something I didn't expect.

A deep concern about MY baby.

She doesn't do pain well or sickness.

So as excited as I am, I also hurt for her. 

My only pregnancy was with her and as wondrous as it was also 

scary and also filled with sickness. 

Although my circumstances were different, it still worries me. 

The thing I hope the most is that she be able to get through the next months okay.

Helena has been through a lot in her life, most good but some not. I have no doubt what so ever that she will make an amazing mom. She is strong and brave. She has her daddy's brain and my creativity. 

I prayed everyday she was in my womb. For her eyes and mind and  every aspect of her life even her husband someday. She has grown into an amazing woman. 

She is very beloved and kind. Now I guess it is time to pray for the little one inside her. That in some way it will be even more amazing.

I am so proud of her and her accomplishments, and like my momma always told me..."It isn't the grades or plaques on a wall, it is the love you share and the person you have become that is more important," 

I am not worried she will be a good mother, not because I was, but despite me. 

Through the grace of God and the person she is.

She has made me so proud over the years, but nothing like this. 

One of the greatest things in the world that you can experience. 

The birth of a child.

Joyous, amazing and hard.

So this new journey begins, to being a grandma.

I believe it shall be the most fun journey I have ever taken.

I love you Helena and Thank you for making me a Gramma.

Always

Suszi

Dreams of Joy

Good morning friends,

I know it has been a long time and I'm sorry, life has a way of taking time and not giving it back.

I had to write today and tell you about my drean last night.

I have been working on joy for a long time, learning the best way to achieve it.

Generally I have crazy dreams I forget quickly, but once in a while I dream a dream so real and so close to God you hate to leave, I had one of those dreams.

Dream

We were in a huge stadium but like behind the scenes in the back, we could hear the screams of the crowd and watched as each play prepped for his appearance. The photo area , the dressing area, etc..loud and exciting but no joy. our parents were in a room gathered together in a tight bunch , hands raised praying for joy to come. I looked in and thought "that is great, but it seems old fashioned and was it getting what we needed?"...I also saw bunches of kids around dancing or playing trying to produce joy artificially, but to no avail. Then there were angels standing straight , tall and silent, waiting to bring joy. I tried every spot to find joy and noting happened. Until i found a tiny box of joy hidden someplace.I didn't know what to do it seemed like a tiny bit how could this make a change in all this chaos ? finally I went to the main angel and He wouldn't tell me what to do with it, but that I had to decide myself, In true fashion i got frustrated and threw the box at him. He looked at me and laughed and nodded, apparently that was the "right" thing to do, go figure. The whole scene changed, the kids came out of their fight for joy and danced and sang, we were given drums to bang and tambourines and they were dancing and praising God. There was no set words or prayer of song, each doing what they wanted in praising God. I ran to check the parents to tell them, but got shushed and told to be ready that joy would be here eventually, but they were stuck in that spot waiting for what they couldn't see happening. I banged drums and sang and laughed, new rooms or areas would light up as the joy spread. I was in awe how the contents of that tiny box multiplied and I went back to the "in charge" angel, and he laughed deep and long, a laugh from the very soul of God.

So many more kids showed up and were finding the joy, begging for it. Dry as though they were in a desert and thirsty, and a tiny sparkle would hit them and the laughter would begin.

My theory 

Well the chaos was the world loud and draining, so many things happening all at once. Distraction all over. The parents are the old way of doing things, not wrong but, not as effective. The angels are at the ready to release the joy but we have to find the source. I'm not sure why I threw it but maybe we need to "take the bull by the horns" and throw it like a lit firecracker? The joy in a tiny box, looks so insignificant, hardly worth the time. But it is like glitter, billions of tiny pieces. They spread and multiply it seems. 

Joy doesn't need much to spread. Have you ever had a laughing fit and nothing way funny? where you laughed so hard you nearly peed yourself, or clapped like a seal. I do and have many times. Laughter brings healing.
The verse I have stood on since my mom died and has carried me is this...

Sorrow May last through the night, but joy comes in the morning.

When joy comes..when joy comes...

You mean we don't have to earn it? buy it? control it?

IT IS FREE..

I love free..reallllly love free.

Finding so much joy in little things like how your best friend cant get into her car cause her boobs are in the way...or those boys who can't wear their pants right and they fall down. 

A baby, a kiss, a puppy.

so many tiny packages of joy waiting to be thrown at someone.

A smile, a touch, a soft hello.

A tiny box.

Always

Suszi

Due Diligence

Good Morning Friends,

So a new year has begun and life just goes right along with it.

It is funny looking back at the last 3 years in my life and seeing what I thought I simply could not handle and seeing now how very much I did handle. God has stretched, pulled, wrung out and squeezed and pushed me to what I thought were my very limits only to show me I had no limits in Him. 

We get so comfortable in our little lives and hope for the best, or just trudge along hoping for sunny skies. Wanting more, money, health, peace. Which feel unattainable until we realize, all things are attainable and reachable, we just have to reach and stretch to reach them. A child or me will want a cookie on the top shelf and do everything they can to get it until they succeed. But if it is something we want but aren't willing to get uncomfortable for, we want it handed to us, there is no struggle to get it, we don't appreciate it as much. The peace I have today, the hope I have today, the strength I have today is earned. God can give you peace by asking, but working to get it will make it life changing peace, peace that doesn't leave you. You wear it like a birthday pin. Proud and sharable. Not that I would encourage anyone to endure the pain I have felt, but I also DO encourage you to look past the present situation and pursue peace in Him alone.  I don't make New Years resolutions, but this year I did want to change life. I wanted that joy and peace and happiness. I proclaimed it would be different, not a resolution which I believe has a hidden meaning: To want badly, but to know it will only last 2 weeks. I want a life changing peace. not a temporary fix. I want to be used by God.

I want to spread hope. I want to share my journey. 

If you had those things and have lost them, you may have been holding them loosely and forgotten to be diligent in pursuing them. I grow frustrated  in my daily life and wonder where my joy is. Where my peace has gone? Well it is there but I kinda drug it on the ground and it got full or dirt and dust. So I need to learn to take care of those things, don't let them grow mediocre and mundane, but  also don't put them on a shelf and just use them for special occasions either. We have to learn to wear them like a favorite sweater, you just grab it and wear it without thinking, it is comfortable and broke in. You don't worry how you look in it because it is almost part of you. You need to feel so comfortable with the things of God you wear them well and with confidence. 

I  have to be diligent, always aware of my mouth and my surroundings, Sometimes I open it and the dumbest things come out, but training it to wear the things of God also, will only work in my favor.

Like now this moment, my son had an appointment I once again messed up the time on. He has been out 3 days from school with a temp. and they cannot go for 24 hours of the last high temp.  I was picking up my computer and the screen cracked AGAIN. for the 3rd time in 2 months. I have a head ache and a meeting to get ready for. Breathe....Breathe....let it go. somethings are not worth the stress

Suddenly my Josh Groban CD mysteriously started in the kitchen singing "Surrender" God is so funny sometimes. Well I better get ready, and sign off.

Have a blessed day.

Always

Misinterpretation in the drop-off lane

Good Morning friends,

Sorry it has been so long. My hard drive crashed twice.

Once accidentally and once not so accidental.

I have so many different things I want to talk about, but I will start with yesterday morning.

I'm sure many of you know I HATE the drop-off lane at my sons school. I mean really how hard is it to throw your kid out of the car and drive off? Say goodbye on the way, have them wear their backpack, open door, shove, drive. Not rocket science. Yet people always feel the need to stop open the back hatch of your enormous SUV and get 5 packs out and hug the kids and watch as they walk to the door. NO!!! So as you can tell this is an issue with me, one I pray and deal with daily.

So there is this one dad and it seems he just doesn't get it. Every morning get out walk around your van, unbuckle the kid. Yeah don't judge we don't buckle that 1/2 block to school because that 2 extra seconds it takes to unbuckle matters. I digress.. So yesterday, true to fashion. people are stupid, like the ones who skip the line. drive ahead and try to squeeze in front of you just as you get to drop-off point. They are fun. So I get behind van dad, crap here we go. He stops gets out, unbuckles and walks around geez come on and I pulled up to close to get out without him moving. Then it starts, this ritual dad says something, they give 5's 6 different ways, boy whispers to dad, dad whispers back, they hug and dad watches as boy gets to the door. This takes maybe a minute, but I realize the little boy is in my son'd class and has been since kindergarten. He is severally autistic. The routine they were doing was a set routine that must be done to insure a good day. As with many special needs kids, those little routines make or break a day, we understand only to well. So I took a deep breath and realized what I was watching was not a nuisance or something to irritate me. It was a fathers love and devotion. A daddy knowing his child and wanting the very best for him. A papa who knows his son cant just be shoved out of the car to fend for himself. A patient parent who knows those precious seconds count in a whole day. WOW. God has to really show me things up close sometimes, like a 2 x 4 to the head. Okay so yes my routine this morning was the same, jump in. backpack on, talk, pray, shove out the door. But I was looking for van dad. As he once again., rain or shine or freeze, as he preformed the ritual again. The only difference today as cars butted in and I got stuck pulling up to  close, was MY attitude. I watched as parents got out, but I saw that man and his son and the unconditional love of a father. My heart melted. How very much more does our Father God loving us in those little things that make or break our day? And what am I missing because I am in such a hurry to get home to my chair and coffee? God can speak many ways, But to me He uses the Drop-off lane to show His unconditional love to me.

Have a blessed day.

Always

Suszi

URGENT PRAYER NEEDED

Dear Friends,

Above is a photo of my cousin Isaiah (Ike) 16 (next week)

Has Hydrocephalus, Epilepsy,  Chiari Malformation and is in the hospital at St. Paul Children's Hospital in the Twin Cities. His shunt valve is not working and they are tentatively planning surgery to repair it.

This is one of the strongest kids I know. He is half of a set of twins and amazes me, His brother Ethan, is a normal 16 year old, but has a gentle heart, and even though he is healthy always looks out for his brother. Ike, Goes through life with a joy and positive attitude, always willing to hug and love everyone. He has a gentle kind heart, to everyone. He gives his all, if he plays ball on the Miracle League to school, it is hard to squash his spirit. Such a great kids from a great family. Angie and Bryan also have another son Caleb, and this family works and plays hard. They love spending time outdoors and being together as a family. Angie and Bryan are devoted to their kids in such a strong way, making life for Ike as normal as possible. Never putting their needs ahead of his, giving him balance and stability. They are an amazing family. PLEASE PRAY for them, Ike's impending surgery, Strength and peace, Provision, hospital food and just being there and driving the 1 1/2 hours to get there costs money and as with all of us that is tight, especially this time of year, Patience and rest. Christmas is hard for many (me) but Angie LOVES it and celebrates it to the hilt. Shopping not being on her priorities list, please pray how God can use you to bless them (contact me if you don't know them) this holiday season. Life with special needs kids is never ever easy, so please remember this family as you pray today. Here is an opportunity to be Jesus with skin on and bless someone, or a family of someones.

We LOVE YOU BECKER FAMILY.

Merry Christmas

Be blessed

Always

Suszi

A mountain of a influence

Good Morning friends,

I got to be a part of a very special event this last weekend. It was the 90th birthday party of David Roe.

I even spoke. I am not impressed by titles or credentials for anyone but more with the integrity and honor of the person. The party included 2 senators, 3 former Governors, a lieutenant Governor and a Vice President, plus a myriad of other political and government people and many friends. I got to take pictures of all these amazing people who were there for one reason, to celebrate this amazing mans birthday. They talked about this cigar smoking, get things done guy who respected men and was a man of his word. A man who treated every person with respect and honor. A man who made things happen in high places and in the Labor world. He built monuments, traveled and saw amazing things and met amazing people. He was there when they gave the Panama Canal back to panama. He was there at the Kentucky Derby for 50 years. He met Presidents and athletes and movie stars. He has been a guest at the White House, and ridden on Air force One and served his country in the Navy. This man who didn't go to college but was a Regent at U of M. A man of power and influence. I got to glimpse that man a little this day. To me and another group of people he is Boppa, He is a grandpa, great grandpa and hopefully soon a great great grandpa, A husband and father. He treated his family and wife as though they were the most important people in the world. To me he is the grandpa I always longed for.  He is the funny hat wearing, silly person who wears his love for everyone on his sleeve, and is not afraid to show emotion about that love. I have seen him mad, and sad, and happy and silly, and he is always that strong move mountains man. He was blessed with much in life but also shared everything he had. The thing I love the most about him is the fact that he never treated me any different then a president. I was a country bumpkin with little life knowledge, and he warmly welcomed me into their family the first moment I met Him and Nana. I have never once felt unwanted or loved whit them. I just hope I can model my life in such a way that integrity and love can be shared with the highest to the lowest. Where my love and influence can change the world, even if it is the world to one person. To learn that All men are the same. Someone who at 90 a room full of people who love you surround you and wish you well. Someone who isn't afraid to cry in front of powerful people, when you talk about your spouse and love of your life. This man who has spoken to thousands, made such a mark on this one person that I never will again feel as though I didn't have the best grandfather in the world.

We love you Boppa

Always

Suszi